the perils of internet dating

You know we've all experienced it. Been eyed on the N Judah, knowing you're going to end up on Missed Connections. Gotten emails from 60 year old men looking for a "play-friend." Stalked via IM by guys with IDs like marriedhungmanlooking. But we can all be glad that we're not guys and trying this online dating deal:

[anonymous guy friend:]** well that girl i met on CL, she's a drainer i think; kept switching names back n forth b/t 2 diff ones..
serena: huh?
serena: wtf? what's a drainer
[agf]: like i think she scams guys for meals on CL.. thats my theory
serena: nice
[agf]: ordering lots of food so she can have left overs
[agf]: changing names
serena: omg
[agf]: one second she's nancy
[agf]: next minute she was tina
[agf]: then nancy
[agf]: then tina
serena: what? in her emails or when she talked to you?
[agf]: BOTH
[agf]: she would sign her name in email
[agf]: as nancy
[agf]: then the next few emails she wrote Tina
serena: omg
[agf]: and i was like.. who is tina
[agf]: and she goes.. oh i meant Nancy
serena: excellent
serena: and she orders lots of food to take home???
[agf]: she took off with all the leftover dinner rolls on friday
serena: LOL!

My poor Anonymous Guy Friend. You need to learn to identify the freegans out there:

[n.] People who are concerned so deeply with the social and ecological impact of economic over-consumption that they choose to buy and work as little as possible and, instead, to live directly off the massive waste created by our modern society.

So, the lesson of the day is that if you're going to troll online, you should use a fee-based service like Match. At least you know the chick has enough money to pay the $20 subscription fee.

** Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.