resolutions and evolution

Its been awhile since I blogged - partially b/c my computer had to be reimaged this week, partially b/c I have been so busy and stressed that all I can do when I get home is watch Nip/Tuck in marathon-like quantities and sleep. Yes, kiddies - I managed to finish off both seasons 1 and 2 in the last week and a half. And its a damn good show.

Resolutions, resolutions. I've been working semi-hard on my resolution to meet more people and actually be social again. Frankly, its been so long that (a) my friends don't even expect me to show up anymore, and (b) I get disorientated when I don't have "home time" on a regular basis. The downside to more socializing is that I've not only fallen off the wagon when it comes to food, alcohol and money, but I'm not even on the same damn road. Ah well. So my resolution to resolve my resolution is that I'm detoxing for the next couple of weeks. First week: No meat, no fried foods, no alcohol. Second week: No red meat, no red wine, no mass quantity of carbs.

The exception to this rule will be tonight, when I go out with Carol and friends for Bastille Day.

I also seem to be exhausted all the time. Some of it is emotional exhaustion from a fight that I had with the cousin, the drama that people around me are experiencing, and issues between people I work with that I've had to step in the middle of. Some of it is sheer mental exhaustion - I love being challenged at work, but I've become more and more of a vegetable in my off-hours. My motivation to work out has been almost nil, but its a chicken and egg thing: I don't want to work out b/c I'm tired, I'm tired b/c I don't work out. So starting this weekend, I'm pushing myself to work out and rewarding myself with, oh, I don't know - either a Coach bag or an iPod Nano if I get to a certain number of APs.

The Evolution. At the same time, the evolution of Serena has been interesting. One thing that has become clear through all this drama that I'm resolving, comforting, or walking away from is that I've grown up. That's a bold statement to make; and by no means am I forsaking Hello Kitty or pink strappy sandals. But the fact that the drama is around me and not because of me is a pretty big damn step. I've also thanked the heavens more than once this that I've been working with my manager or my therapist on some of these issues, because its allowed me to be a surprisingly objective rock in the midst of some pretty stormy weather.

This evolution opened the path for a surprising development in my life: A and I have decided to start dating again. I thought about whether or not I wanted to post it so publicly, but keeping it under wraps seems to give the situation an element of drama that I want to avoid. Now, to be clear: we're not back together. We've decided to start dating, and to take things reeeeeeal slow. After all, both of us have learned from the mistakes we made the last time around. We're dating other people (although I guess I need to actually find someone to date - haha!), keeping expectations both realistic and upfront, and, best of all, starting out with a basis of friendship. I actually had a minor freak-out the other day when I thought that our friendship might give way to the unhealthy dynamics of our previous relationship - but I won't let that happen as far as I can control it. We'll see where things go, I guess. Right now, it'll just be a movie and dinner.