the 10 commandments of getting married

This past weekend, two of my best friends - Daysun and Lee - got married in a beautiful ceremony in LA. Not only did the wedding redefine ridiculous, but it was very educational.

What I learned this weekend:

• Thou shalt not have an outdoor wedding in LA at the end of July. Especially when it is about 95 degrees all weekend.
• Thou shalt make sure that the bridesmaids dresses are the right size.
• Thou shalt not apply suntan lotion after thou has put on the dress.
• Thou shalt make sure that the maid of honor has both contacts ready the day of the wedding.
• Thou shalt rent limousines with air conditioning that works and a driver that knows where he is going.
• Thou shalt also have the rehearsal dinner in a restaurant where the air conditioning works.
• Thou shalt remember to bring your house key with you the night of your wedding.
• Thou shalt not piss off angry kitties by locking them outside.
• Thou shalt not make speeches where you declare that you are drunk in front of your parents, lest parents don't let you go home and you end up sleeping on makeshift bedding peed on by aforementioned kitty.
• Thou shalt never, ever utter the-phrase-that-shall-not-be-spoken. Not once. Not 100 times. Not ever.

Day 1: The Rehearsal

Heather, Greg and I arrive in LA at around 10:30, and its already 90+ degrees outside. We had been very excited to escape the chill of San Francisco. Until we got there, that is.

After a brief lunch, where we had the most orgasmic blueberry cheesecake ever created, we headed over to Greystone Park for the rehearsal. Not only did I forget to put on sunblock, but it was 1,000 degrees outside. We almost died. The heat made us stupid. The stupidity made us go through the rehearsal more than once. The 5 times we walked down the aisle made us hot. And the heat made us stupider.

It was a vicious cycle.

Bridesmaids and Bridesman pose during the rehearsal. Yeah, we look happy,
but that's because you can't see the sweat between our thighs.

The soon-to-be bride and groom getting giddy from the heat.

After rehearsal, we headed home for a quick shower, and then went off to Barefoot for the rehearsal dinner. Where the a/c was broken. So we all drank a lot of alcohol to, er, try and cool down.

David makes his infamous speech.

David, Daysun's brother, gets up during the dinner to make a courageous toast in Chinese. Essentially, he acknowledged every single Chinese person in the room, then said, "I'm kind of drunk. And I'm done."

David was punished later on that evening by a very unhappy Poo. Or pee, depending on how you look at it.

Day 2: The Wedding

The next morning, we wake up at the buttcrack of 9am to start getting ready for the wedding. I was terrified what they were going to do with my short hair, but actually, it turned out quite nice.

Several near disasters were averted. Heather lost a contact lens, and thought she might have to walk down the aisle being able to see out of one eye. I somehow managed to get a handprint of sunblock on my right boob (yes, I did have to check), and had to break into the bathroom while David was showering. And oh, we thought David was going to throw up his lunch after Daysun flashed him with her oh-so-sexy bridal undergarments... which consisted of a sticky bra and a crotchless girdle.

Wah! My dress was never the same after that!

"Guess what, guys? I can see out of both eyes!"

We tortured Lee for a bit, and both Daysun and Lee bowed to her parents for permission. We then climbed into the limo, where the drunken groomsmen awaited.

Luckily, it wasn't as sweltering as it had been the day before, but I still felt like a marshmallow at a campsite. The makeup that started out on my forehead was on my chin after about 10 minutes, and all of us bridesmaids hid in the back area, sans shoes, while waiting for the ceremony to begin.

Ohhh... Steven looks so sexy in the heat!

We only smiled when we thought people were looking at us. It was just too damn hot, and I had to dig my heels into the grass because my feet were killing me.

The wedding itself was beautiful. The ceremony was simple and lighthearted, the vows so sweet that I almost cried (or was that sweat?), and afterwards, we were so happy to get inside - to a non-air conditioned limousine!

The bride and groom looking rapturous.

Post torture-ride, we cooled down in the luxury of Mission 123 for a delectable Chinese banquet. I'd tell you more about the reception, but I'm not sure that I remember any of it.

I'm so happy for Daysun and Lee! *sniffle* I'm going to miss you guys when you move to the East Coast!