i've just come to the conclusion

... that being an adult SUCKS.

And yes, I really just realized this right now.

This is not just whining. It took me close to 30 years to realize that I have responsibility; that just because I had a sucky childhood, it doesn't exempt me from being a responsible adult; that there is nothing to take away "adulthood" (i.e., when you're a kid and you can look forward to being an adult); and that, even when you have ppl that love you, it doesn't make problems, responsibilities and headaches go away. Sometimes it might feel good to hide from them for a little bit, but in the back of your head, you know they're there, and they'll still be there when you come out of hiding.

I've also just realized that, for all of my bossiness, project-management style roles, ability to lead, and need to take care of people, I haven't been a very good adult.

At the end of all this is that I just need to deal with my shit. I've always thought of my problems as, "if I take care of [blank], then I'll be happy." What I didn't take into account was that there will always be a new [blank]. If I keep waiting for all my problems to go away before I'm happy, I'll never be happy. If I keep putting my problems off, I'm just prolonging my misery.

Is it time to grow up? I don't think I have a choice. But I think I might finally embrace it instead of fighting it.