some perspective

Well, in case it wasn't obvious, its been a tough week.

Its been 3 days since my emotional outpouring, and today, things finally normalized. No more urges to burst into tears, or sly fogs of depression sneaking up on me. No more being set off by really tiny little things.

The normalization was, in part, a conscious decision. Last night, after having three atrocious apartment hunting experiences (one no-show, one wrong advertisement, one disgusting place), I was feeling super-stressed and looking up everything from one end of the city to another. Then, I had a brief conversation with one roommate (the first since our group talk on Monday) and a phone call from Colin, and I realized that its not like I'm being kicked out - I'm not on a timetable, and I can wait for the right place. Not only that, but I was feeling truly disgusting and flabby from poor eating and not meeting any of my workout goals for the week. I decided then and there that I was going to go to Pilates tonight, and that this apartment hunting deal was NOT going to be the sole focus of my life.

Then I watched some tv, and it was all better :-) (PS - "Drive" is awesome!)

*~*~*~*
Even before the world righted itself today, I'd gained some perspective on the whole my-life-needs-to-change-BLEH! outburst.

Its often said that there are three major areas where a status change can affect your whole life - love, housing, and work. It occured to me that there's really about 7 major things that concern everyone, and can cause massive stress:

1. Self
2. Health
3. Money
4. Love
5. Housing
6. Work
7. Friends
   

On Monday, I said that 4 of these things have really been bugging me for some time, and it was time to unearth them: body (self + health), love and housing. Yeah, things are going wrong, but I realized the next morning that I was saving the most difficult challenges for last. Because, despite how sucky the last year and a half has been in these 7 major life areas, I've made tremendous changes tackling them. My life and my comfort in it is completely different than it was a year ago. Just think...

• Health: I've lost 20 lbs, and KNOW that I can do it if I ever gain it back. In addition, not only have I been diligently monitoring the big obvious health issues, but I'm getting a hearing aid - a major life change for me! - and took care of some things I've been meaning to do for years, like dental work.
• Money: I've paid off almost all of my debt and have money left over to enjoy life without guilt. My credit is still far from stellar, but is on the repair for sure.
• Work: Some of my best friends are at work, and I finally see my job like my family: its definitely got its idiosynchrasies, but those are what are the best and worst things about it. Plus, I finally believe that I'm pretty damn good at what I do, and other ppl see it too.
  
• Friends: I have some pretty kick ass friends - *wave*
  

So I'm left with housing, love, and self. In reality, its not too bad - they are really the most difficult ones. On top of which, despite feeling like crud for the last week or so, the feeling is really residue from too much pent up upset. There's nothing for me to "fix", I know how to move forward. I just needed to finally mourn my losses enough so that I could truly leave it behind and move forward.

So. I'm ok. I'm not "bounced", I'm not going to be super-cheery, channel my energy into super-productive activities or indulge in self-destructive behavior. I'm learning to deal.