halloween hiding

I noticed something about myself today. This past year, I tend to duck in and hide whenever there's a big SF hoo-ha going on. During Bay to Breakers, I holed up at home to study for the GMATs. (Unsuccessfully, as it turns out... 'twas the day of the infamous Fernando-Beeramid fiasco.) This weekend, I'm avoiding Halloween festivities in favor of finishing my Berkeley essays.

Gawd, I'm getting old.

But seriously, I've done the drunken reveling in the Castro. I've done the drunken reveling in the clubs. I've done the drunken reveling at the house parties. And I just don't feel like being drunk anymore. Beyond the fact that I'm still completely hungover from way too many Sweet Georgias last night at Fly Bar.

So here I am, on a Saturday night, the weekend of Halloween, with my phone off, buying music from the iTunes Store. Which, btw, is a frickin' amazing thing... $9.99 for a whole album, and it just downloads! Beats shopping on Amazon. I'm (legally) loading up on some music that I've been meaning to get for ages, and rediscovering my appreciation for Fiona Apple.

\m/

On a completely different note, my cousin just got back from volunteering in Nola - which I never knew stood for New Orleans. Somehow, we've become a family of do-gooders. Or at least our generation has. I'm so proud of him! *Hug*

"It's no use reminding yourself daily that you are mortal:
it will be brought home to you soon enough."
~ Albert Camus

There are times when you realize that all the things you worry about on a day-to-day basis, all the anger or frustration you feel in relationships and insecurities, and all the stresses that seem so huge, really mean very little.

In the past few weeks, I've experienced 3 crises of mortality that illustrates just how little these things matter when it comes to your loved ones. First, my yearly thyroid checkup came out as negative. For those of you who don't know, I have an enlarged thyroid, and had a serious cancer scare about 4 years ago. I had to go in for an x-ray, a cat scan (or MRI? I always get those two confused), and then finally a biopsy. In those three days, the tests kept telling me that it might be a malignant tumor. In the end, it turned out to be benign, and something to watch. And every year since then, I've gone in, gotten my scan, and been sent on my way.

A couple of weeks ago, I went in, and they called me that afternoon. "You need to come back the next morning to do some more tests," they said. "Your results were irregular." I was flooded with the fear that I experienced years before. It turned out ok, but I had to wait a weekend before I was cleared.

More recently, my mother became the target of a life-threatening attack. I won't go into details because its very, very personal, but suffice to say that her and my stepdad's lives were deliberately threatened by someone very close to me. I think this scared me more than the prospect of having cancer. My mother is close to 60, and despite my very large stepfamily, really the only person I have left in this world. Its always been me, her and grandma, and since grandma passed in 1999, we've been each other's best friends. I had to choose between that someone that threatened her, and her - and there was no question. I cried over the threat, I cried over the potential loss of my mother, and I cried because I had to take steps to make sure that it would never happen again. I hurt that someone important to me very much, but what could I do? I already feel all alone in this world sometimes - shunning intimate relationships as I do - I can't bear to lose the one person that I love more than anyone else in the world.

Then, today, I heard that someone that I've been on not-so-good terms with recently was in an accident. It didn't seem to be serious, but we still haven't heard from him. And worry has been gnawing away at my insides. Suddenly, it seems that all the reasons that I hated him for hurting me seemed so inconsequential. Yes, I still feel deeply hurt and betrayed. But what's more important is that he's ok. How I will react when we hear from him, whether I will express my relief, I don't know. If he never knows that I care, it doesn't matter. But if I had a choice, if I could make the choice to erase the last few weeks of anger and frustration between us, I would.

Every day, we live in little boxes built from fears and insecurities. Those emotions overwhelm us and obsess us, but in the end, what do they really matter? As Camus said, when we are faced with ours and our loved ones' mortality, it is brought scathingly, searingly home. And now that it has been, I am abandoning those little boxes as best I can, and choosing to appreciate the love and life that God has given me.

myth's fabulousness no myth

Karen and I, the ultimate foodie-gluttons, have come up with a new standard for restaurants. If we *crave* going back there, with all the hundreds of amazing restaurants in the Bay Area, then it is beyond fabulous.

Myth just made the top of that list, toppling A16 by stretches.

Friday was a frantic day at work. Issues, emergencies, 2 new projects, and trying to squeeze all the meetings from the past week into one day. I'm pretty sure that I didn't even go to the bathroom until around 5 - which is saying something, considering that I have the world's smallest bladder. So I was brain dead and ready to relax when we headed to our 6:00 reservation at Myth, which was recently named the Best New Restaurant by Zagats.

After eating there, there is NO doubt as to why.

One thing about Myth is they do a terrific job with portions. Some might consider the portions to be too small, but as Karen and I love trying different things, the sizes are just right. We were able to try several dishes without becoming overly full.

We started out with a Roasted Pumpkin Soup with Poached Pears and Duck Confit. The duck was absolutely divine, and the soup just sweet enough. We were then brought the star of the night - a 1/2 portion of Garganelli Pasta with Foie Gras Cream, Maitake Mushrooms and Marsala. OHHHHHHH. To die for. Simply the most amazing thing I'd ever had. It was like the foie gras from Piperade in flavor, but not as greasy or heavy. The mousse was light, and complimented the pasta perfectly, and the mushrooms added just the right touch.

I wasn't sure that anything could top the pasta, but we were very impressed with the pizza. We got a split pie of Grilled Prawn Cocktail Pizza and the Prosciutto di Parma, because Karen and I couldn't agree. Thank God we did both! The Prawn Cocktail sounded very odd to me, but was surprisingly succulent. However, it could not compare with the Prosciutto, which was accented with figs and carmelized onions. Superb!

We also ordered the Butterfish with Salsa Verde. It was tender and flavorful, but the best thing about it was the pea shoots. Still hungry, and not ready to stop tasting, we ordered a 1/2 portion of the Risotto with White Truffle Oil. Again, portion was perfect, taste was exquisite, and it ended the evening just right.

Of course, we still ordered dessert - but it was lighter than our usual chocolate-laden fare. It was a Chilled Poached Pear with Mexican Chocolate Soup and Creme Fraiche. Yummy and refreshing all at the same time!

And I haven't even started talking about the wine. After trying a couple of things, we settled on a McManis Petite Sirah that was juicy and very, very nice. Suprising, especially since it was really young - only a 2004.

There's no question that I'm going back to Myth. And it helps that its only 3 blocks from work :-)

chopping down the (plum) tree

Its official - my company, Plumtree Software, has been officially acquired by BEA Systems. The deal closed yesterday. We're now BEAns instead of Plumtreevians.

This week has been chock full of activity to say farewell to our dear old independence. On Monday, the PMO and PM teams had its offsite in Larkspur, when everyone got into canoes and paddled along for the races. I, of course, didn't got - seasick and non-swimmer that I am - but I did join the group for drinks and really fried foods at Marin Brewing Company. On the way back, Kim, Shaari, and Matias piled into my Mini, where they gobbled down Mini Milanos, quizzed Matias on GMAT questions, and broke my passenger seat.

On Tuesday, we pretended to do work for a little while, and then had an all PDO meeting where some sad farewells were announced. As it turns out, Eric Zocher *did* leave, so I guess I owe an apology to my anonymous rumor-spreading friend, even though he still spread a rumor :-)

Wednesday was our Farewell Picnic. At 9:30, we gathered in Cafe Plum to get instructions on our Scavenger Hunt. I was on a team of the most Type A personalities you can imagine - myself included - which included 3 Program Managers, 2 VPs, our corporate counsel and 2 Product Managers. We all thought we were doing so well, until we got to the finish line and realized we came in 7th! Well, it was my fault with the final clue in any case, so I guess I shouldn't complain.

(Pictures courtesy of Andrei and his Flickr.com page, as my camera crapped out on me.)


A scavenger hunt team looks for clues


Adrian justifies our spectacular 7th place finish


Sadia just laughs at us

Afterwards, we took a shuttle bus over to Fort Mason for our picnic. Jay Simon broke the bus door with his anxiety to get on first, and we almost locked the bus driver in! To make matters worse, Matias grabbed the mike and started, er, something. He got the dirtiest look I'd ever seen, and the mike taken away from him.


Volleyball in the back yard of the Officer's Club

The Picnic was suprisingly fun, helped greatly by the abundant beer and good food from Asquew Grill. I joined the "We're No. WAN" trivia team, which was comprised of all Asian ppl and Mark H, and we actually won the trivia! Whoo! Unfortunately, we got jipped... all we got for our hard work were golf balls. Three of my co-workers won Plasma large-screen TV's, and the winning scavenger hunt team ("Cheaters!") at least got a bottle of champagne.


Kim and Shaari laughing over beer


ChexMix won - CHEATERS


Traunza hedges her bets with 200 raffle tickets - and wins 4 prizes!


Christine won a 6 mega-pixel camera from Nikon. We heard her screaming from miles away.


The laboriously built mini golf course


Don tests his putting skills


Dean points accusatory axes at Ross

Afterwards, a much smaller group of us headed to Bus Stop, some random bar in the Marina, and proceeded to drink way too much PBR and Bud Lite. I think I learned how to play pool, but I'm pretty sure that I was just being humored because I was drunk and short.

Thursday was harsh. Made even harsher by our "BEA Welcome Party" that consisted of being herded into BEA's cafeteria and meeting no one.

Today, we finally had to get back to business. It was not easy, considering that all of my projects are in a critical time, and we essentially wasted an entire week. Ah well. It was a well-deserved celebration. Even though I barely knew Plumtree, I'm sad that its gone. *Sniffle* But most of the great people are staying... and that's what matters.

At least my ex doesn't still work for BEA...

ANNOYED!

It took me so damn long today to (a) book my plane ticket for Thanksgiving, (b) make a PTO request and (c) figure out next week's schedule - both personal and work - due to all the BEA activity that's going on. Grrr. I *hate* wasting time on things that should have taken a grand total of an hour. Grrr. Especially since I have only 2 weeks to finish my Berkeley app! Grrr.

I did manage to find a fabulous dress for the wedding in mid-November. I had to order it online because none of the SF stores seem to carry this particular color, but I did try on the black version in the store. The small is just a smidge too tight for me... BUT I ordered it in both small and medium. I'm being optimistic that I'll look hot in the small in 4 weeks.

That is, if I can sneak a workout next week with all those offsites, farewell parties, welcome parties, and the like.

Grrrr.