things hallmark cards don't say (but probably should)

Courtesy of Dad...

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

*~*~*
We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?

*~*~*
I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

*~*~*
C ongratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

*~*~*
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.