worries

Its been a crappy week.

As if suddenly pulling out of 1+ year's worth of emotional repression wasn't enough (think floodgates), my mom calls me today and told me that she's been diagnosed with Type II diabetes.

I've been on her for years to take care of herself better - she's close to 60, and not in the greatest shape. Besides having a stressful personality to begin with, she's a workaholic, eats poorly, and barely exercises.

Now, her doctor basically has told her that she has no choice but to cut down her work hours - a reasonable request considering she works something like 70 hours a week - and take 2 months off. She also has to go on a diet and start exercising regularly.

If this is a wake-up call that works, then I'm glad its happened, but I'm terribly, terribly worried. We've been on her for years to get into better shape, and sometimes she starts, but it never lasts. My grandmother exhibited the same symptoms back when I was in college, including the high blood pressure, risk of heart disease, and high cholestrol, but she was never that stressed out, and didn't smoke for more than 30 years of her life. And my poor grammy had 4 strokes before she finally passed on.

I still miss my grandmother, but I don't know what I'd do without my mother. I realized today that despite all the people that surround me - my friends, my extended family - and my independence, my mother is really all that I have. I think she's possibly the only person in my life that I really love unconditionally. She singlehandedly raised me, and I've always wanted to be able to take care of her in her old age.

Somehow, I didn't think it'd be quite this soon. Part of me feels like I should move back to the East Coast now to be closer to her. Is it selfish of me to not be ready for this yet? Or will my presence not really make a difference either way?