delaying motherhood

So I thought about it long and hard - and followed Janel's advice to sleep on it and go with what my gut tells me. And what my gut tells me is that, as adorable as Vanessa is, I'm not ready for motherhood.

Its not so much because it will affect my life that I'm making this decision, but I don't know if I can take care of a puppy right now, with everything going on. I want to get my sh*t together, get into a more stable routine, save up some money, and spend time to puppy-proof the house. Do some spring cleaning, you know?

I don't want to go on an emotional bender and end up neglecting my baby or something. Basically, I need more time than a week and a half to prepare - mentally, emotionally, financially. Anything less would be unfair to the baby.

So I've decided to wait until after the New Year to look for a puppy. In the meantime, I've already made a list of all the things I need to line up to prepare for having one. It breaks my heart, given how adorable she is, but I think that she deserves a family that can guarantee more stability than I can right now.