the big, bad thing that happened

I didn't mean to be gone for so long. At first, it was fatigue. Then wedding vacation in early May. But the really big distractor was The Big Bad Thing that happened to me the night I got back from vacation. I was in a taqueria in the Mission District, and I got assaulted by this teenage girl. Seriously assaulted - like punched several times in the nose, bleeding all over myself, police report, everything.

I was super shaken up about it, as you can imagine. There were a hundred times that I thought about posting and calling out for support, but I just couldn't even write about it. It took me a good three days before I could leave the house without being shaky, and another week before I would stop just hystically bursting into tears. I'm good now - finally have decided that I can't and won't let the action of others change me or my life - but it took awhile.

Good Life Changes
Thankfully, there's been good life changes as well. We moved into our new building during my vacation, so it was really nice to come back and go to a brand new office. Seriously, the new offices are gorgeous, and really have helped boost my mood, which was sorely needed in the wake of the assault. Now we have nice cubes and conference rooms, a view, and sunshine! Its really great - I think most ppl are a lot happier here now.

The incident also goosed me to make some serious decisions about my life - mostly, with moving. Ironically, it pushed me to NOT go on a LOA for 4 weeks and move into my own place sooner rather than later. You would think that I might be afraid of living on my own; in fact, it made me realize that I just needed to get out of the south side of town (which I was having a difficult time letting go of), and move to a nice area.

So, as of June 10th, I'll be moving to the PacHeights district of SF, into a one bedroom with fireplace, dishwahser, the works! Its a great neighborhood - PLUS, they are building out a fitness center downstairs. So this should push me to get more active.

Of course, there's lots of other ways that I've changed. My perspective certainly has, and I don't mean that its been tinged with fear. I realized that I have a really good life - I mean, compared to some 14 year old from the projects, who gets so upset over salsa that she actually beats someone up. Five years from now, there's a good chance she'll be in jail, dead, or still living in poverty. I, on the other hand, have a great job, great friends - and basically, it made me appreciate what I have, and stop complaining/getting depressed about the little things!

Its pushed me to be more active. I don't want to be weak anymore - something that's been bugging me for awhile, so I'm happily moving forward.

And finally, I hit my threshold for drama - a lot of which, I realized, I allow myself to get wrapped up in. It only took me 30.5 years to finally get fed up with drama! But once it hit, I moved on it.

On My Way
So, I'm happily on my way with big changes - and that includes my health. Incidentally, I *finally* picked out the ultimate little black dress. To hell with elegant and classic, I want to be HOT!

rupesh's wedding: a thousand man affair

I spent last weekend back east for my friend Rupesh's wedding. Rupe and I have been friends since sophomore year of college - for those of you who don't know, that translates to roughly about 11 years that we've known each other. It was also a fantastic opportunity to see a lot of my college friends that I've been horrid at keeping in touch with.

The Flight
Travel was, as always, a mini nightmare. I remember the days when I could zip back and forth between coasts for a weekend, without batting an eye. Now that I've been grounded for so long, I find flying to the East Coast more and more tedious. Especially when I have to get up at 5am California time to catch a 7am flight, and then end up not getting in to Harrisburg until 11:30pm due to a canceled connection. Hmmm... I guess I've always wanted to visit Minneapolis - or not.

My first priority once I landed was to find a dress. I managed to spill stuff on the dress that I brought, which didn't break my heart because I'd worn it for Ariel's wedding anyway :-( Thankfully, the hotel (free!) has wireless internet. Not so thankfully, Harrisburg's idea of a department store is JC Penny.

But seeing my friends - even if it was at 1am - for the first time in years did a lot to calm me down. I don't think I miss the East Coast that much, but I do miss my buds dearly. I don't know why I've been so awful about keeping in touch with them, except maybe because missing them kept me from finally settling down in San Francisco.

The Dress Hunt
The next day, Saturday, I woke up bright and not so early and headed for Starbucks. Lo and behold, there was a Ross right next door! Ok, Ross isn't exactly the height of fashion, but I can buy a dress to wear once without feeling guilty. Coffee in hand, I marched in, grabbed 5 dresses, 3 pairs of shoes and even a strapless bra, and headed back to the hotel.

As it turned out, I found a fantastic dress that fit me beautifully - for the bargain price of $16! On top of which, it matched my favorite black-and-white patent strappy heels perfectly, and the dress was so nice that I didn't even need to wear jewelry! Happy me!

The Wedding
After the flurry of morning activities, I was finally ready for the wedding. Its a traditional Indian wedding, the likes of which I'd never seen before! We started off heading over to the hotel at around 1:30. When we arrived, everyone in the groom's party was gathered around outside. They brought out a speaker blaring Indian techno-pop and a drummer, and we began our dance-march around the parking lot. There was even a white horse for Rupesh to ride! Unfortunately, as soon as he got on, the horse decided to bolt. The groom's party had to chase after him to get the horse back.


Nik and the horse


Rupesh, getting off after being taken for a ride


Dancing around the hotel parking lot

There were rumors amongst the college crew that there'd be 700 people in attendance. I didn't believe it - until I the throngs of people gathered around. It was amazingly impressive, and completely overwhelming. The sun blaring down on us for the 2 hour ceremony didn't help either - although it was nice when they brought out ice cream


Throngs - yes, throngs!


Bringing gifts to the bride


Indian ceremony (that's Rupe)


The groom's party, arriving at the wedding


Ice cream!


Exchanging vows


Delfina, Randy, Min, Josh, me and Terrence

A couple of hours later, we headed over to the reception in quite possibly the largest tent you've ever seen. Awed, Min whispered, "I think you could fit a three-ring circus in here!" She wasn't far off - the tent had French doors and exit signs, and was furnished with two large-screen TVs so that we could all see the ceremonies from our chair.


The most massive tent ever


Georgina and baby!


The college crew: Nik, Georgina, Ariel, me, Naysan, Min, Vishal, Vesal, Josh


Georgina, our resident MD, checking to see if N's foot was broken by the horse


Aparna, looking gorgeous in traditional garb


Newlyweds dancing


Asmita gets down to the bhangra


Ariel and his little baby

All in all, it was an amazing wedding. Congrats to Rupesh and Seema!

desperately needing detox

And all of my well-intentioned plans to not only exercise more, but eat healthier, have gone by the wayside thanks to uber-PMS.

I won't list out what nastiness I injested over the course of this last weekend, but two words: pancetta hash. Considering I feel so grody that I'm actually wearing (nice) gym pants and a sports bra at work today (can't fit into my regular ones comfortably), AND that Rupe's wedding is on Friday, I desperately need a detox.

So: No meat, no cheese, no fried foods and no alcohol from now until Saturday.

And no update on the dress/weight until after that. I'll be at my parents next weekend anyhow, and I'm pretty sure that nothing electronic works in their house.

getting lean, checkpoint 1: the dress

I've decided to do "checkpoints" instead of weeks, since I am abysmally bad at posting every week. I'm aiming for once every 2 weeks, at least.

I'm finally ready (and excited!) about my Getting Lean phase. Frankly, it helps not to think of it as "weight loss" anymore, and as gaining muscle instead.

Plus, my motivation arrived in the mail today, in the form of The Dress, and the fact that I hate the way I look in it. Maybe I'm not FAT, per se, but I don't like being quite so, er, curvy. So I'm stoked to start seeing the difference as I stick to a good, healthy diet and start working out.

And here it is... *drum roll please*

much, much better

Thanks to everyone who's been following my posts, and either commenting to me via blog or in person. Those of you who have seen me know that I'm much, much better now than I was at the beginning of the week. I think that letting myself be upset was the wisest thing that I ever did, because there was just so much pent up emotion that it literally took days to get it all out.

On the very bright side, things have progressed at a rapid clip, and are definitely changing for the better. Although I didn't make it to the gym after Pilates last week, I am much more motivated to get active again. Part of that has been letting go of my "diet" and just eating like a normal human being.

T and I have been more than civil - friendly even - and that has helped me feel comfortable again at home. Even if I am moving out, its always the worst when things are hostile or uncomfortable through the last days. Better than that, after seeing what seems like every 1 bedroom/studio in San Francisco, I think I've found the perfect place. *Cross fingers* that my application is accepted.

On the work front, I got a raise (whoo hoo!) and am finally settled in my job. No more one foot in the door, and the other out. We're moving offices, which will be nice, and I'm making plans to get promoted. I'm taking my career seriously.

Last but not least, strangely enough, the best piece of news that I got all week is that ex-Boy has started going on dates with this girl. Given that they are friends, there's a good likelihood that they'll get serious. My initial reaction was of course sort of jealous - definitely had a WTF moment - but frankly, I am relieved. No more ambiguity. No more maybes. We're still friends, its still not completely platonic, but as he said, the boundaries are much more clear cut.

The biggest difference, I think, is that I've finally just stopped comparing myself to other people - whether its a particular person, or a mythical "perfect" that I always fall short of. It helps quite a bit to just see myself as who I am, as opposed to seeing all the things that I'm just not. I definitely have lots of room for growth and improvement, but they are absolute goals measured against what I want, as opposed to relative goals measured against who others are or what I should be.

Finally - peace.