Today is my 2nd day back, both on WW and to work. And really, to SF, since I got back at 11pm on Monday night. Anyhoo, I have to say, its been really super good so far. I know its only been 2 days, but I don't know... something feels different. I'm just... not stressed. Despite some minor ranting about the tech-writer-from-hell, I've been pretty chill about the whole thing.
One of my co-workers even commented, "I'm surprised you're not more frustrated by the situation."
"I'm feeling very zen," I said. "What's the point of getting upset? Its not going to change anything."
*~*~*~*
From an eating perspective, my appetite hasn't been the same since I got sick. I'm just not hungry, and I actually had to make myself finish my lasagna today at 3 so that I could take my antibiotics. This is probably ok, since I usually overeat anyways, and it'll help me keep the weight off.
I did manage to go to the grocery store for the first time in ages (yay car!) and made myself a yummy dinner. Tonight, I'm going to do laundry, give myself a mani/pedi, and watch more eps of my new addiction, Brothers & Sisters.
Total Points: 28.5 | 23.5 Flexies remain | 0 APs
1.03.2007
1.02.2007
our own kaiser soze
I've been working with this one woman that I have to admit, I absolutely despise. She has a major attitude problem - just a generally bitter person. But considering I can be a super-bitch myself, I usually excuse attitude issues if people can deliver. Well, on top of her holier-than-thou-I'm-better-than-you bitchiness, she also actually doesn't do her work on time.
Last year, we gated a release by a day because she was writing her documentation - which was due months before - the day of GA. (She's a tech writer, clearly.) In the next release, she delivered documentation three weeks after a product was released. This year, it took me and her manager weeks to actually get a schedule out of her. And even the schedule that she gave us for her deliverables didn't actually mean sh*t - she never managed to meet a single deadline she set for herself, or even let us know about it.
Well, today we hit the last milestone before release of this huge revenue-generating product. She was supposed to originally deliver the Install Guide for this on 12/15 - but then it got pushed to 12/18... then 12/19... then 12/22... and finally 1/2. Needless to say, even though we are this close to GA, she didn't have anything for us but excuses.
But that's not what was totally unbelievable. She comes in this morning, tells us all these things she's "waiting on" before she can send the doc out for review, and then, around 11am, she just disappears. Doesn't quit. Doesn't tell anyone she's leaving. Doesn't finish anything up or let us know what's going on. Like Kaiser Soze, its POOF! and she's gone!
I've never even heard of such a thing before! Clearly she doesn't expect to have a job if she ever comes back, considering how she just left the whole team in the lurch. As one of my-coworkers said, she basically shanghai'd us into doing her work for her.
Her poor manager... dealing with this the first day back (after dealing with her ridiculous behavior all these months). I, personally, am relieved. Yes, its nerve-racking to wait to see if the new tech writer we assigned to it can get stuff done on time, but at least I don't have to deal with her pettiness, attitude and endless non-answers anymore. But still, so unprofessional.
"I wonder if she's go all post-office and come after you and [her manager] with a shotgun?" my psuedo-manager Drew perused.
Lovely.
*~*~*~*
UPDATE: Well, so she's not dead. I was actually really worried there for a while, since no one heard from her until about 1 this afternoon. Now, I'm pretty steaming pissed. What a total bitch! She got her doctor to courier a letter saying that she couldn't come in to work for the week. One could say, if they didn't know her, that maybe she had a breakdown or something.
But those of us who do see this as a totally bitchy and vindictive act. With a doctor's note, we can't fire her - well, we could, but then she would have grounds for a lawsuit. Does she honestly expect to come back after a week after pulling this stunt, leaving the rest of the team in the lurch like this??? Or even to take disability pay???
Even some of her previous supporters - or at least those that have given her the benefit of the doubt before - see that she just f*cked up and couldn't face up to it. Now those people despise her too. In the last few weeks, all of her lying and incompetence has been surfacing. The fact that we found a barely written guide on Monday afternoon says something. The fact that it took her over 4 weeks to get together what the replacement tech writer pulled together in less than 24 hours says something.
I hope that they fire her. Lawsuit threat or no, I'd say that there were plenty of grounds for dismissal even before yesterday's disappearing act.
Last year, we gated a release by a day because she was writing her documentation - which was due months before - the day of GA. (She's a tech writer, clearly.) In the next release, she delivered documentation three weeks after a product was released. This year, it took me and her manager weeks to actually get a schedule out of her. And even the schedule that she gave us for her deliverables didn't actually mean sh*t - she never managed to meet a single deadline she set for herself, or even let us know about it.
Well, today we hit the last milestone before release of this huge revenue-generating product. She was supposed to originally deliver the Install Guide for this on 12/15 - but then it got pushed to 12/18... then 12/19... then 12/22... and finally 1/2. Needless to say, even though we are this close to GA, she didn't have anything for us but excuses.
But that's not what was totally unbelievable. She comes in this morning, tells us all these things she's "waiting on" before she can send the doc out for review, and then, around 11am, she just disappears. Doesn't quit. Doesn't tell anyone she's leaving. Doesn't finish anything up or let us know what's going on. Like Kaiser Soze, its POOF! and she's gone!
I've never even heard of such a thing before! Clearly she doesn't expect to have a job if she ever comes back, considering how she just left the whole team in the lurch. As one of my-coworkers said, she basically shanghai'd us into doing her work for her.
Her poor manager... dealing with this the first day back (after dealing with her ridiculous behavior all these months). I, personally, am relieved. Yes, its nerve-racking to wait to see if the new tech writer we assigned to it can get stuff done on time, but at least I don't have to deal with her pettiness, attitude and endless non-answers anymore. But still, so unprofessional.
"I wonder if she's go all post-office and come after you and [her manager] with a shotgun?" my psuedo-manager Drew perused.
Lovely.
*~*~*~*
UPDATE: Well, so she's not dead. I was actually really worried there for a while, since no one heard from her until about 1 this afternoon. Now, I'm pretty steaming pissed. What a total bitch! She got her doctor to courier a letter saying that she couldn't come in to work for the week. One could say, if they didn't know her, that maybe she had a breakdown or something.
But those of us who do see this as a totally bitchy and vindictive act. With a doctor's note, we can't fire her - well, we could, but then she would have grounds for a lawsuit. Does she honestly expect to come back after a week after pulling this stunt, leaving the rest of the team in the lurch like this??? Or even to take disability pay???
Even some of her previous supporters - or at least those that have given her the benefit of the doubt before - see that she just f*cked up and couldn't face up to it. Now those people despise her too. In the last few weeks, all of her lying and incompetence has been surfacing. The fact that we found a barely written guide on Monday afternoon says something. The fact that it took her over 4 weeks to get together what the replacement tech writer pulled together in less than 24 hours says something.
I hope that they fire her. Lawsuit threat or no, I'd say that there were plenty of grounds for dismissal even before yesterday's disappearing act.
1.01.2007
2007 new year's resolutions
Or should I say goals?
Last year was the year of change and self-realization. This year, my themes are going to be maintenance and consistency - see if I can make those changes stick. Oh, and to HAVE FUN. I decided, I was so mired in my own self-discovery that I became serious, pensive, and, well, boring.
Last year was the year of change and self-realization. This year, my themes are going to be maintenance and consistency - see if I can make those changes stick. Oh, and to HAVE FUN. I decided, I was so mired in my own self-discovery that I became serious, pensive, and, well, boring.
- Get weight to 120 lbs and MAINTAIN with the help of my super-cool weight loss buds (Sara, are you listening?). More importantly, tone, tone, tone! That means losing 5% body fat, and be bikini-ready by spring, because....
- I'm wanna go on vacation! Yeah, its been 2 years. Its time.
- Dance! That'll be one easy way to burn calories, along with...
- Kickboxing! I've been dying to master this for years
- Be more positive - life's too short to pout - and accept things the way they are
- Take care of my health, meaning (a) deal with the migraines, (b) get physical therapy so I can dance/kickbox again, and (c) be more consistent about therapies eg chiro, acupuncture
- Have fun dating. Yes, I'm ready for a relationships, and the best way to get into that is to just enjoy myself meeting people. Speaking of people...
- Be more social. That means meeting new people, strengthing new friendships, and reconnecting with ones I've ignored this last silent year.
- Dump as much emotional baggage as possible. Yeah, cheesy, I know, but seriously. Seriously.
- Save at least $10k. Why? Because its time to start thinking about the future and buying a house.
12.31.2006
2006: year in review
In 2006, I turned 30, started getting migraines, got my cavities replaced, lost 20 lbs, gained back 7 of them, broke up with A, got back together with A, broke up with A again, went through a whole lot of personal introspection, and finally became an adult.
It has definitely been a difficult, emotionally exhausting year - but in the end, I came out on top, a better, more sure and more mature me - and am looking forward to a great new year.
To celebrate 2007, below are the seven biggest accomplishments / changes that I've achieved this year compated to where I was at this time last year:
(7) Finances
Then: I was struggling with managing my money. Every month, I was worried about overdrawing my balance, having enough to pay bills, trying to catch up with money that I owed. On top of which, I had a bank account that I hated, but was afraid to close because I wasn't sure I'd be able to open another one; no credit cards; and such bad credit that I couldn't even face looking at my score.
Now: Thanks to some super referral bonuses from work, I've paid off all of my loans, with the exception of my car. I have two general credit cards and 3 store cards - all of which I pay off monthly to build my credit. All of my bills are being paid on time, I don't struggle with cash flow, and I even managed to pay $6700 for car repairs with cash I had on hand. (Of course, now I have $100 to my name, but hey - its something!)
(6) Work
Then: Although I liked my job at BEA, I was definitely stressed because I knew that I wasn't performing well. I could barely sleep because I was having nightmares all the time, and felt that everything I did was wrong. And I couldn't talk about it, because I was too ashamed to admit it even to myself.
Now: Thanks to Daisy, my amazing manager, and the support of many of my colleagues, I love my job and excel at it. Even though my style isn't for everyone, I know that people at least respect me and think I'm very intelligent and capable.
(5) Weight and Body Image
Then: One year ago at this time, I was frantically checking out every fad diet online and in the bookstores, looking for a way to lose the weight that had accumulated in the last 3 years. I hated the way I looked; I felt fat and gross, and I despaired of ever being able to lose the weight.
Now: Even though I've definitely gained back 5 - 7 lbs of the weight I lost in the summer, there's two key changes:
a. I lost 20 lbs on Weight Watchers! More than being a net total of 13 lbs lighter, I know that I can lose the weight if I commit myself to it.
b. I am actually happy with my body shape. Yes, I can do with toning the flab, and I'd like to get back down to 120 lbs. But I don't want to be a size 0, I don't hate my curves, I don't have unrealistic wishes for myself.
Also super-important is what I've learned through the weight loss journey about emotional eating, portion control, calories in/calories out, sensible and healthy dieting, and lifestyle changes. Even if I'm not at goal weight, I'm definitely healthier and more conscious about my food.
(4) Boundaries
Then: Boundaries? What boundaries? I thought nothing about pushing other people, and always ended up doing something that I didn't want. It was a vicious cycle: I would do or let other people do something I didn't like for fear of them not liking me; I'd build up the resentment; and finally, I'd explode, causing other people to, well, not like me.
Now: Not only do I know what they are and what mine are, I am all about enforcing them. I might have gone too far this summer in my first foray into holding my own, but I've learned from my mistakes with my cousing and Karen, and adjusted. Paradoxically enough, now that boundaries are clear between me and others, both parties can relax and just be.
(3) Friendship and Vulnerability
Then: I might have had a fun crew of friends, but I still felt alone - like if people knew what I really was like, they'd just leave me. So I had this outer shell of being a hard-ass that was invulnerable. Unfortunately, the side effect was that I was defensive, judgemental, and never established any true intimacy with my friends. By mid-year, I'd lost 2 of my closest friends and was in self-isolation, because my expectations were so high and my fear so great.
Now: I've recently been lucky enough to start hanging with a new crew of super cool people, and I've resolved not to be something that I'm not. I've also renewed friendships with ppl that I haven't talked to in a while, and closed the loop on two friendships that I carelessly threw away. It may be too late to salvage those, but at least I have said that I'm sorry.
(2) Acceptance of things the way they are
Then: I remember sometime in March, I called A and started crying. "It sucks to be a grown up," I said, thinking about all the shit that I had to deal with, with no one to help. "Yeah," he agreed. "But there's no going back."
That was a life-changing moment. I'd been living my life waiting until bills were paid, until I lost weight, until I went to bschool, until until until...
Now: But once I realized that I will always have responsibilities, I buckled down and accepted them. Now I feel much more free - because I don't approach things like paying bills or dealing with car issues like a great punishment, but rather as a part of life.
In addition, I found an amazing book by David Richo called The Five Things We Cannot Change, and it literally has had a monumental effect on me. I realized that I was constantly frustrated and unhappy because I wanted things to be a certain way - things that were not of my control. This book helped me accept things the way that they are, and in doing so, find some sort of inner peace. Most importantly, it showed me that there's almost no point in getting worked up - things are going to be the way they are, bitching about them won't make a difference, so why spend the energy?
(1) The Baggage
Then: Who doesn't know that I'm the queen of commitment phobia? Even though I was dating A at the time, I refused to admit to him or myself that I ever wanted more. I ended up always being unsatisfied because of it.
Now: Well, I think I'm finally in a place where I'm comfortable enough with myself and who I am that I'm ready to have a real, meaningful relationship. Part of getting there was understanding the roots of why I've been so afraid of relationships. I'm not saying that "poof!", everything's perfect now, but I'm ready - ready enough to clear out a bunch of serious emotional baggage before the end of the year.
It has definitely been a difficult, emotionally exhausting year - but in the end, I came out on top, a better, more sure and more mature me - and am looking forward to a great new year.
To celebrate 2007, below are the seven biggest accomplishments / changes that I've achieved this year compated to where I was at this time last year:
(7) Finances
Then: I was struggling with managing my money. Every month, I was worried about overdrawing my balance, having enough to pay bills, trying to catch up with money that I owed. On top of which, I had a bank account that I hated, but was afraid to close because I wasn't sure I'd be able to open another one; no credit cards; and such bad credit that I couldn't even face looking at my score.
Now: Thanks to some super referral bonuses from work, I've paid off all of my loans, with the exception of my car. I have two general credit cards and 3 store cards - all of which I pay off monthly to build my credit. All of my bills are being paid on time, I don't struggle with cash flow, and I even managed to pay $6700 for car repairs with cash I had on hand. (Of course, now I have $100 to my name, but hey - its something!)
(6) Work
Then: Although I liked my job at BEA, I was definitely stressed because I knew that I wasn't performing well. I could barely sleep because I was having nightmares all the time, and felt that everything I did was wrong. And I couldn't talk about it, because I was too ashamed to admit it even to myself.
Now: Thanks to Daisy, my amazing manager, and the support of many of my colleagues, I love my job and excel at it. Even though my style isn't for everyone, I know that people at least respect me and think I'm very intelligent and capable.
(5) Weight and Body Image
Then: One year ago at this time, I was frantically checking out every fad diet online and in the bookstores, looking for a way to lose the weight that had accumulated in the last 3 years. I hated the way I looked; I felt fat and gross, and I despaired of ever being able to lose the weight.
Now: Even though I've definitely gained back 5 - 7 lbs of the weight I lost in the summer, there's two key changes:
a. I lost 20 lbs on Weight Watchers! More than being a net total of 13 lbs lighter, I know that I can lose the weight if I commit myself to it.
b. I am actually happy with my body shape. Yes, I can do with toning the flab, and I'd like to get back down to 120 lbs. But I don't want to be a size 0, I don't hate my curves, I don't have unrealistic wishes for myself.
Also super-important is what I've learned through the weight loss journey about emotional eating, portion control, calories in/calories out, sensible and healthy dieting, and lifestyle changes. Even if I'm not at goal weight, I'm definitely healthier and more conscious about my food.
(4) Boundaries
Then: Boundaries? What boundaries? I thought nothing about pushing other people, and always ended up doing something that I didn't want. It was a vicious cycle: I would do or let other people do something I didn't like for fear of them not liking me; I'd build up the resentment; and finally, I'd explode, causing other people to, well, not like me.
Now: Not only do I know what they are and what mine are, I am all about enforcing them. I might have gone too far this summer in my first foray into holding my own, but I've learned from my mistakes with my cousing and Karen, and adjusted. Paradoxically enough, now that boundaries are clear between me and others, both parties can relax and just be.
(3) Friendship and Vulnerability
Then: I might have had a fun crew of friends, but I still felt alone - like if people knew what I really was like, they'd just leave me. So I had this outer shell of being a hard-ass that was invulnerable. Unfortunately, the side effect was that I was defensive, judgemental, and never established any true intimacy with my friends. By mid-year, I'd lost 2 of my closest friends and was in self-isolation, because my expectations were so high and my fear so great.
Now: I've recently been lucky enough to start hanging with a new crew of super cool people, and I've resolved not to be something that I'm not. I've also renewed friendships with ppl that I haven't talked to in a while, and closed the loop on two friendships that I carelessly threw away. It may be too late to salvage those, but at least I have said that I'm sorry.
(2) Acceptance of things the way they are
Then: I remember sometime in March, I called A and started crying. "It sucks to be a grown up," I said, thinking about all the shit that I had to deal with, with no one to help. "Yeah," he agreed. "But there's no going back."
That was a life-changing moment. I'd been living my life waiting until bills were paid, until I lost weight, until I went to bschool, until until until...
Now: But once I realized that I will always have responsibilities, I buckled down and accepted them. Now I feel much more free - because I don't approach things like paying bills or dealing with car issues like a great punishment, but rather as a part of life.
In addition, I found an amazing book by David Richo called The Five Things We Cannot Change, and it literally has had a monumental effect on me. I realized that I was constantly frustrated and unhappy because I wanted things to be a certain way - things that were not of my control. This book helped me accept things the way that they are, and in doing so, find some sort of inner peace. Most importantly, it showed me that there's almost no point in getting worked up - things are going to be the way they are, bitching about them won't make a difference, so why spend the energy?
(1) The Baggage
Then: Who doesn't know that I'm the queen of commitment phobia? Even though I was dating A at the time, I refused to admit to him or myself that I ever wanted more. I ended up always being unsatisfied because of it.
Now: Well, I think I'm finally in a place where I'm comfortable enough with myself and who I am that I'm ready to have a real, meaningful relationship. Part of getting there was understanding the roots of why I've been so afraid of relationships. I'm not saying that "poof!", everything's perfect now, but I'm ready - ready enough to clear out a bunch of serious emotional baggage before the end of the year.
*** HAPPY NEW YEAR! ****
12.30.2006
2006: a few of my favorite things
Of course, how can one end a year without Top Ten lists? I don't actually think I have 10 things for some of my categories, but here are some of my favorite things that I discovered in 2006:
TV
You know me, I looooooove TV. And this year, I found some amazing shows - and weeded out some truly lacking ones that I've been loyal to until now
Bye bye to...
I've struggled my whole life with not acne (thank God), but blackheads. Ew! How much money have I spent on facials? products? makeup? But I've finally found some kick-ass products that makes me happy:
And in the Makeup Bag...
Only took me forever to find the right combo of stuff that would provide the right coverage, control shine, and not make me look like Tammy Faye Baker.
After the disastrous boob-holding incident, I was determined that not having what I needed was not going to keep me from my workout! So my gym bag is fully stocked at all times with the following essentials:
TV
You know me, I looooooove TV. And this year, I found some amazing shows - and weeded out some truly lacking ones that I've been loyal to until now
Bye bye to...
- Lost
- Desperate Housewives
- Nip/Tuck
- L&O: CI
I've struggled my whole life with not acne (thank God), but blackheads. Ew! How much money have I spent on facials? products? makeup? But I've finally found some kick-ass products that makes me happy:
- Bliss Steep Clean Cleansing Milk
- Bliss Steep Clean Moisturizer (am)
- Bliss An Ounce of Prevention PM
- Bliss Steep Clean (mask)
- Bliss Pore Perfecting Face Polish
- Fresh Appleseed Resurfacing Kit
- Astara Blue Flame Purification Mask
- Caudalie Contour Cream Eyes & Lips
- Bliss Oil-Free Sunban Face SPF 30
- Bliss Sleeping Peel Liver Spot Lifter
And in the Makeup Bag...
Only took me forever to find the right combo of stuff that would provide the right coverage, control shine, and not make me look like Tammy Faye Baker.
- Laura Mercier Secret Concealer
- Prescriptives Virtual Matte Oil Control Pressed Powder
- Sue Devitt Silky Blush
- Maybelline Super Stay Lipcolor
- Maybelline Lash Discovery Waterproof Mascara
- Rosebud Lip Salve
- Sephora Brushes
- Travel Eyelash Curler
- Nail clipper and file
After the disastrous boob-holding incident, I was determined that not having what I needed was not going to keep me from my workout! So my gym bag is fully stocked at all times with the following essentials:
- Extra sports bra and underwear!
- Knee brace
- iPod Video
- Ponds Exfoliating Clean Sweep
- Hair bands and bobby pins
- Bliss Fabulous Foaming Face Wash
- Deodorant (duh)
- Sephora Super Smart Facial Moisturizer with SPF 15
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