bunnyBlog 2.0

Glee 1.9: Wheels

2009-11-12T22:33:00.000-08:00

Sue: "If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren't going to be admiring her impeccable form, they're going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby's head start crowning."

What a wonderful and unexpected return from hiatus. I was expecting Glee to come back with a bang - all bite, snark, and over the top drama. Instead, we were treated to a sweet and sincere episode that focused on some of our supporting characters: Artie, Kurt, and Tina. What a way to get, er, rolling after the 3 week break.

Artie! Tina!
Artie has always been a favorite of mine. Every time I listen to the Glee version of "Push It", I crack up when I get to his "Holla!" And he's got incredible talent - just listen to his solo on the "It's My Life/Confessions" mash up. No offense to our resident Glee stud, but Artie totally punks Finn in that number.

So I was pretty excited to have an episode centered around Artie. There were so many excellent moments in this storyline, ranging from poignant (Artie's acoustic version of "Dancing with Myself"), brilliant (Mr. Schue's plan to have everyone be in a wheelchair for 3 hours/day), to plain hysterical (when Artie told Tina how he became handicapped, concluded with, "But I want to be very clear. I still have the use of my penis."). I especially liked watching the kids roll around the halls in wheelchairs, and seeing the challenges of not being able to reach, or being at waist height. It's a good thing that Rachel's dads are apparently rich; that girl gets more food on her clothes than an episode of Double Dare.

His crush on Tina was adorable, and I totally melted (puppy love!) when she kissed him. At first, I couldn't understand why he kept bringing up her stutter, but her admission that she was faking made sense. Even though I felt his reaction was a little harsh, I can totally understand where he's coming from: she was pushing away everything that he wished he could have, and she could be normal at any point, but he was still stuck being handicapped. I hope that he'll come around and forgive her - even if he identified with her initially because of their disabilities, the connection and the friendship is based on much more than that.

But I have to admit that Artie's story felt a little lacking. It might have been because he was sharing the episode with Kurt and Puck/Quinn, but I don't feel like I got to know his character any more then I already did. Sure, we found out how he became handicapped, but we didn't really learn about his history, how it changed him, etc. It would have been interesting to see if Artie would still be the jazz/Glee geek if he hadn't gotten into the accident.

Kurt! Kurt's Dad! Whose name I don't know!
There should definitely be more diva-offs in Glee's future - the Kurt/Rachel rivalry was terrific! And there are certainly more then enough divas to make for lots and lots of Broadway duets and Mariah Carey solos. I'm glad that Kurt finally had an opportunity to showcase his singing talent. Even though the "Single Ladies" episode was centered around him and his sexuality, he danced more then he sang. I have to say, hitting that high F was pretty impressive - I talk like Minnie Mouse and I can't even get close.

Of course, the best part about Kurt's storyline tonight - wanting to have the Wicked solo, even though it was a traditionally female part - was his relationship with his father. When we first met Kurt, I figured he had a rich, neglectful daddy, since he had that sweet car and all this designer clothes. Finding out that his dad owns an autobody shop and is sort of this guy's guy that works with his hands was a nice surprise.

The relationship between Kurt and his dad is a lovely anchor, in a show where most families are completely, outrageously dysfunctional (ahem, Terri). It also seems fairly realistic. Since I'm not a gay teenager in the middle of whitebread America, I can't comment on how realistic it is. There are too many shows/stories where the focus is all about the character coming out, and whether or not their family will accept them. It was nice to watch Kurt's dad struggle with his son, the conflicting reactions he had to that phone call (both resentment at Kurt initially, then anger at the caller), and trying to support his son, even if he couldn't really understand why it was so important to him.

I'm bummed that Kurt threw the diva-off, but his reasoning made me tear up. And Kurt changing from his Alexander McQueen sweater into coveralls to work on a car with his dad spoke volumes about their relationship. I'm hoping that we'll eventually get to see all of the kids with their families - especially Quinn.

Becky!
I'm going to skip the Quinn/Finn/Puck baby money storyline, and wrap up with some Becky moments. She wasn't a prominent character, but her role in the episode certainly revealed a lot about our other players.

First, Will. I'm really mixed about Will. I mean, he's an awesome guy, a teacher who really cares, and he does have the best intentions. As I said before, his wheelchair idea was brilliant. But let's be honest - sometimes, he's a dodohead. In a way, I like it - it's nice that he's far from perfect, and that he's human like the rest of us with good intentions. At the same time, he was judging Sue just as much as he accuses her of judging other people. I know he genuinely thought he was helping Becky when he chastised Sue for being so harsh, but he totally didn't get it: Becky does want to be treated like everyone else, Sue-torture or not. And let's not even talk about how he hasn't figured out that his wife has been faking a pregnancy for like 3 months!

The Sue reveal at the end was just... whoa. I don't want to say it was shocking, but I didn't see it coming at all. I totally misted up when she gave her sister the pom-pom, and the tenderness and love in her face when she read Little Red Riding Hood was probably the first genuine Sue moment we've seen. We started to see little cracks in her facade with the Sue-Will throwdown, and the Rod situation, but let's face it - the Rod/Sue storyline was cheesy and cheeky, and only showed that Sue could be vulnerable.

I do hope that the writers bring back inappropriately snarky Sue, though - we need that bite to balance the softness, and it's just not nearly as funny when she's a human being :-) And if Jane Lynch doesn't win an Emmy, I swear, I'll eat Kurt's tiara collection and puke it over the Emmy voters.

But I have to tell you, my favorite favorite moment was when Brittany bought Becky a cupcake. No analysis. It was just sweet and simple and wonderful.

The Music!
Here's this week's musical, er, score. (Sorry, I can't seem to stop punning tonight.)

+2 for Artie's acoustic version of "Dancing with Myself". It took me probably 20 seconds to even recognize it.

- 1 for replaying the original Billy Idol version while the kids were struggling with the wheelchairs. Hello, overkill? They did the same thing with "Single Ladies" - hilarious as it was, it lost it's impact by time #3

- 1 for the sluggish beginning of "Proud Mary", but +3 for when they cranked up the energy. It rocked.

-1 for the wheelchair choreography - interesting, but not exciting. I was expecting to see some wheelies. But +10 because their hands were so busy with the wheels that they couldn't reach anywhere.

+2 for giving Tina a chance to perform on "Proud Mary". She's pretty incredible. I was just thinking the other day that they need to have more females than Lea Michele singing.

+2 for the spliced in duet on "Defying Gravity", but -1 because it would have been more interesting if there was no Rachel singing at all this week.

Total: 15.

Not too bad, given the number of points they gain for excluding The Reach.

GLEEful Moments 'n Quotes:

-- No Emma, Ken, or Terri tonight (thank God), but we... got... SANDY!!! More Sandy! More Sandy!

-- Sandy (after Puck tells him a shark fractured his spinal cord): ''This is why I don't go to the aquarium."

-- Puck's good at 2 things: Lying, and crime. I have to admit, the pot cupcakes were rather ingenious, especially since Puck "[doesn't] put in enough to get you hallucinating... just enough to give you a wicked case of the munchies.

-- Baby with a mohawk! That would be so very awesome.

-- Brittany: "Most of us don’t know how to bake. I find (pause) recipes (pause) confusing."

-- Kurt: "At least you don't have to worry about me getting a girl pregnant."

-- Sue: "I’m about to projectile-express myself all over your Hush Puppies."

-- Rachel: "We didn't think you would take it personally."
Artie: ''Well, you're irritating most of the time, but don't take that personally."

This one was so good, I have to mention it again:
-- Artie: "But I want to be very clear. I still have the use of my penis."

-- Fashion of the week: What was with Quinn's outfit in the first scene? She looked like a walking US propaganda poster, all red, white and blue.

-- Kurt: "We all know I'm more popular than Rachel, and I dress better than her."

All in all, I thought it was a nice, sweet episode. I like it when Glee balances its crazy, snarky ones with some more low key episodes. I only wish that they had focused on Artie more. It did feel a little like they were trying to get all of the "miscellaneous" characters stories out so that they could move on.

2.5 out of 4 wheelchairs.

Glee 1.7: Throwdown

2009-10-17T23:53:00.000-07:00

Will: "I will destroy you."
Sue: "I'm about to vomit down your back."

I had a hard time reviewing this episode, because I had such mixed reactions to it. It was chockful of music, including a powerful Finn/Rachel pairing on "No Air" (one of my favorite songs), and a ridiculous and over-produced version of "Hate On Me." I found the closing rendition of "Keep Holding On" to be touching, supportive, sweet, and timely... and really, really annoying, thanks to the more-egregious-than-ever Reach to Nowhere choreography.

There were some great one-liners that made me laugh out loud (Finn wanting to name the baby "Drizzle"??), sweet moments like the kids secretly jamming together, and Jacob, who I just find hysterical. But overall, "Takedown" left me confused and disturbed.

And In Sue's Corner...
I'm not sure if it was the entire episode that felt gloomy, or just the last few minutes that left a bad taste in my mouth. I honestly felt that Sue was sincere in stepping down as co-chair of Glee Club. My first reaction was, "Wow, they're finally showing the human/vulnerable side of Sue Sylvester." Perhaps Will's comment that she's a lousy teacher got to her - perhaps she really does care about teaching.

But then the stunt she pulled on Quinn - having Jacob post about her pregnancy - completely confused me. Was she sincere regarding Will, and then got the Quinn thing dropped on her? It's possible - she did seem genuinely shocked that Quinn lied to her. Did she feel betrayed because she thought she had Quinn's loyalty and respect?

Or was she only pretending with Will, because she already has Quinn's exposure in her back pocket? If yes, how does socially ruining Quinn hurt the Glee Club - the kids are already thought of as misfits and losers. Is she hoping that the Cheerios that defected to Glee, leaving her at risk of losing the Nationals, as well as her TV spot, will flock back to her now that their reigning queen has been humiliated? What's her end game? Have I been watching too much Alias?

This is one of those moments where the timing of the show really throws me off. It's been generally hard for me to guage how much time has passed during the course of an episode, something that has sort of been bothering me because Terri seems to getting uber-pregnant, while Quinn hasn't even started to show. Usually, I don't look for too much realism in my shows, especially Glee, which is so tongue in cheek. But in this case, it really makes a difference to me in terms of my perception of Sue. It's one thing to blackmail Figgins and insult the other teachers; it's quite another to destroy a 16 year old girl who worships you.

I really hope it's the former; I like to believe that people are fundamentally good, but do bad/mean things out of hurt, fear, or a selfish lack of awareness on how they are impacting others. I was also excited at the prospect of really getting to know Sue better as a human being. Regardless, either Sue Sylvester or Jane Lynch acted the hell out of last night's episode, because I can't tell the difference anymore.

Will Grows a Pair... Sort Of.
The other "big" part of this week's episode was Will manning up and finally confronting Sue and Terri. I guess I'm not as shocked or genuinely surprised, because I never found Will to be a pushover, like a lot of people have (or the writers would like us to believe). I figured that he generally didn't think confrontation was effective, and he was just a genuinely nice guy. After all, he did speak up last week when he was feeling suffocated by Terri's 24/7 presence.

The "takedown" between Will and Sue probably would have had more punch if this was the first time we saw Will stoop to Sue's level. And this is where it gets really hard to describe. I never thought any of Will's actions up until now were terribly competitive, manipulative, and selfish. Yes, he went a little too far and he was overzealous, but I really thought that he cared about the kids. But other characters have been blatantly pointing out that he was being all of the above. In which case, Will's frustration with Sue would simply be part of an escalating pattern of competitiveness, not something that was out of character. (Sorry if that's confusing, I'm having a hard time describing this.)

Finally, I've never really believed that you have to fight dirty to fight back. Although I will admit that Will failing the Cheerios was a stroke of genius, especially the one who "spelled her own name wrong and answered every question with a picture of a sombrero."

The Real Takedown
I think the true emotional climax of the show will be when Will finds out that Terri's not really pregnant. I'm still confused about how she is going to pull this off, although bonus points for (a) managing to fake a sonogram, and (b) miraculously changing your pretend baby from a boy to a girl. I wonder if that was Quinn's sonogram that they were showing Will... although, really, would anyone be able to tell the difference?

And yes, that is my way of saying "GET THE FAKE PREGNANCY STORYLINE OVER WITH ALREADY!"

Bits 'n Pieces
-- I was touched when Terri said that she didn't want her sister's marriage, where Kendra basically just birthed a bunch of kids, "each dumber than the last." Even if she was only saying that because she's not carrying Will's child, I'd like to think that she meant it.

-- Figgins totally stepped up this week. I like tough Figgins. I like even more that he made Will and Sue hug it out.

-- No Emma or Ken this week. No Sandy for the last couple of episodes.

-- I'm starting to feel the chemistry between Rachel and Finn. Although Finn really shouldn't have told Quinn that she needs to be "more like Rachel". Bad Finn.

-- Quinn's "Keep Me Hanging On" was appropriately cheesy. I like watching the cheerleaders dance - I've been hoping for a cool routine since the show started. But I couldn't figure out who she wanted out of her life. Sue? Finn? Rachel?

-- Again, argh, Reach To Nowhere. Please, I beg you, Ryan Murphy - hire a choreographer! I hear Mia Michaels is available now.

-- Sue v. Will in slow mo was pretty excellent. I loved them arguing in their voice overs. Sue thought she looked "elegant" and "regal" with the veins busting out of her neck.

-- Puck: "Shalom."

-- I know I've already mentioned this, but the last number, "Keep Holding On", was really touching. When I saw the preview clip, I thought it was going to be another Quinn v. Rachel over Finn thing, but it turned out to be really sweet. Kurt was especially cute, the way he looked at Quinn. And it was the first time on the show that Quinn's had her hair down (I think). Symbolizing the end of her existence as a cheerleader?

-- Rachel has granny panties. Excellent.

-- I liked how they used "O Fortuna" during Will and Sue's battles - nice and epic :-)

-- Jacob: "The independent polling company in my Dockers has determined that you're the hottest girl in the school."
Rachel: "Ew."

-- Figgins: "Noooo! Not the children!"

-- Speaking of Jacob, how is it possible that Quinn's pregnancy is still a secret, considering Rachel just had a shouting matching with him down the hall?

-- Santana's idea of dancing is fluffing her ponytail.

-- The only item in this week's fashion report was Kurt's angora sweater. He looked like he was wearing a cat.

Sue's Corner:
I think pretty much all of the good lines belonged to Sue this week :-)

-- Sue: "I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help picturing small birds laying sulferous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting."

Ah. Finally, we understand Sue's animosity towards Will, hatred of Glee Club, and obsession with his home perm kit.

-- Sue: "I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California to become one."

So very true.

-- Sue (picking out the kids of her group): "Santana. Wheels. Gay kid. Asian. Other Asian. Aretha. And Shaft."

-- Sue (referring to Spanish): "Oh, we all know about your devotion to this dying language."

-- Sue: "I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners. But if they want to become lawyers and banker and captains of industry, the most important lesson they could possibly learn is how to do a round off."

-- Sue (to Will): "Don't touch me." Will pokes her.

I haven't felt ambivalent about a single episode until this one, so I'm not sure what that means. Maybe this episode is a set up for next week's, which looks really juicy. Overall, 2 out 4 granny pants.

glee 1.6: vitamin d

2009-10-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

"Glee is about what's in your heart, not what's coursing through your veins."

Wow. I freaking loved "Vitamin D". First of all, they did an awesome Bon Jovi cover - and as a Jersey girl, I am programmed from elementary school to worship them. Both mashups were pure genius, and the episode was a riot, from Finn's drool to Sue's journal. And can I just say, Terri totally owned this episode. I know we're not supposed to like her, but damn if I don't sympathize with her.

GLEEful Moments
Where do I even begin? There were so many good ones, ranging from emotional, to sweet, to just laugh-out-loud funny. I think my favorite was Finn's inner monologue - poor Finn is so overwhelmed with football, "being the Glee stud" and Quinn's pregnancy, that even dropping homework hasn't helped. The drool was hysterical - although that might be because I once fell asleep in class, and woke up with a puddle on my desk.

Rachel made some genuine overtures to Quinn, who is obviously also struggling. She even tells her that she's "actually quite a good singer - even though you're often sharp, but that's because you don't have my years of training." Glee Club is apparently a haven for losers who didn't have friends. While I find this idea sort of insulting (I was in musical theater and no one threw smoothies at me), it is kind of sweet that real friendships are developing between the kids. And I like Quinn. She's not just some dumb cheerleader - although you do need to question any school that would give Terri a 4.0 GPA.

Oh, and Sue's journal. O. M. G. I posted it in its entirety below. It was too much - she's about to turn 30? Beef bones in the juicer? (Gross.) Will's store bought home perm?

TOTW
I continue to thank the Glee gods for tighter storytelling and continued subtlety... this week's theme, competition, was so organic that I didn't even think about it until after the ep was over. It was also addressed in such an absurd way - cold medicine? - that it made its obligatory PSA without being preachy or uncharacteristically dark.

I've read some other reviews that by using decongestants, Glee didn't put enough weight into the seriousness drug use. I wanted to call this out because I've finally made peace with what this show is: ridiculous. Some of the comments from you folks made me realize that I was overanalyzing the characters and the satire; I was looking for deeper meaning in every word, gesture, punchline and song. And in doing so, lost the pure joy that I get from watching it.

So here it is: like Will said, "Glee is about having fun." When we stop having fun, it's time to stop altogether; we're missing the point. Thankfully, Glee has fun by mocking Middle America. I've heard so many people ask how any character could be so stupid not to realize blah blah blah, who would be dumb enough to get high on cold meds. To them I say, you obviously haven't seen the warning label on birth control pills: "Do not use if you are attempting to get pregnant."

Terri, Terri, Terri... *tsk*
Speaking of pregnant and dumb, Terri takes front and center after Sue tells her that if Will isn't already having an affair with Emma, they are on their way. She takes a job as the school nurse to keep an eye on them, even though she doesn't have a lick of training beyond once using a defillibrator. Along the way, she conspires with Ken, has a smackdown with Emma, and wreaks havoc by handing out OTC uppers to the Glee kids. As a result, she's fired and Will is unhappily saddled with his archnemesis as Glee's co-director.

I'm really glad Terri confronted Emma. While I say good for Emma for straight-up saying that "Will deserves much better than you", I gotta say that Terri wasn't altogether wrong. Will is her husband, they are committed to each other (and have been since high school), and Emma is such a paragon of virtue that it's self-righteous. I'm starting to see Terri as more immature/not very bright than manipulative - if you notice, she tends to follow other people's lead (e.g., Kendra and Sue), and, as Will said, doesn't understand the consequences of her actions.

Jessalyn Gilsig just knocked it out of the park this week. She managed to make a shrewish, vapid character both complex and human, sometimes using nothing but her face. In Gilsig's hands, Terri is simultaneously scheming and sympathetic; does really stupid things, but with the intention to help; vulnerable, haughty, vapid, insecure, self-centered, and scared. She was able to convey the hurt and fear a woman experiences at the thought of losing her husband, before masking it with the disdain she wears as an armor around other people - the scene in Figgins' office particularly stood out to me. Her expression after Will blurts out "every time I light a fire in my life, you find a way to make sure it burns the forest down" was downright heart-wrenching.

But I do have a bone to pick. Since when did Terri and Will start having issues? In both the Pilot and "Showmance", it showed them as a loving couple - taking bubble baths together, trying to have a baby. I know we, as viewers, saw the trouble brewing with the hysterical pregnancy and Emma, but it didn't feel like there was a whole lot of marital strain. I know they argued about his career and her Pottery Barn addiction, but couples argue. Yet, suddenly, in "Preggers" (ep. 4), she is telling her sister that Will is already one foot out the door. Really? Is this inconsistent storytelling by the writers, or did I miss something?

And I still don't understand Terri's plan. Is it supposed to be really, really stupid, or are the writers inconsistent?

Mashup: Boys v. Girls
In the end, we never got a verdict on who had the better mashup. Personally, I'm torn. As I said, I'm genetically partial to the boys because of Bon Jovi, and blending "It's My Life" with "Confessions" was a brilliant mix. Especially considering the Finn-Quinn-Puck baby deal. I'm glad that they gave Artie the lead for "Confessions", and for a change, there was no reach to nowhere in the choreography. Ironically, last week Finn's frenetic twitching drove me nuts. This week, when he was supposed to be off-the-wall-hyper, he was actually much smoother.

But I also loved the girls' "Halo/Walking on Sunshine" mix. Partially because "What America needs right now is sunshine. And angels." Mostly because the yellow dresses and head bands were just way too cute. Quinn was actually wearing a Calvin Klein sundress that I'd been eyeing for months - but didn't buy because wearing yellow makes me look like a giant banana. At the same time, I think they might have overdone it with the dancing - it was so maniacal it would have given epileptics a seizure, and there was way too much hair flipping.

So, what's your verdict: boys or girls? As for our star-crossed leads, who else was waiting for him to break into song after she told him she was marrying Ken?

Bits 'n Pieces:
-- Kurt gravitating to the girl's group, and then ratting the boys out for using drugs. "I may have been put into the boys group, but my loyalty lies with you ladies."

-- Speaking of which, did you notice that Mercedes was giving Tina a manicure, and Kurt was doing his cuticles?

-- FIGGINS! I love Figgins! His look when Terri said she once used a defilibrator was delectably lecherous.

-- The Glee kids aren't worried about competing against the school for deaf kids, even though they beat McKinley High in football.

-- I got an evil little thrill when Terri wiped Emma's cup with her finger. I thought Emma was going to have an anuerysm.

-- Some great nicknames: F-Rod, A-Rach. Sue called Emma "Ellen" this week.

-- Ken's suggestion that he and Terri have an affair was suitably horrific.

-- Sorry, but a guy like Kurt would have never suggested cornrows. He's all Miss USA Pageant, not hella ghetto.

-- Yellow everywhere! Emma wore at least one yellow thing with every outfit, the girls wore yellow dresses. Even Terri's tea set was yellow.

-- In this week's fashion news: I'm digging Mercedes with the straight hair, although I never understand how people can handle bangs in their eyes. Terri's hair was very Charlie's Angels. Rachel continues to dress like Sailor Moon, and Emma reminds me of an anime character, with her humungous eyes and pastel wardrobe. Oh - and Rachel's workout tights match her headband.

Quotes:
-- Kurt: "I don't understand how lightning is in competition with an above ground swimming pool."

-- Terri (to Finn): "You have really good bone structure."

-- Finn: "I'd never take steroids. It makes your junk fall off."

-- Ken: "Look at the two of us - you pregnant, me with psoriasis and a testicle that won't descend."

-- Rachel: "I'm sorry I called you contemptible and deplorable."
Finn: "That's ok, I didn't even know what those words meant."

-- Ken: "It's cubic zirconia. I know how affected you were by Black Diamond."

-- Finn: "She kind of freaks me out, in a Swimfan kind of way."

Oblique cultural connection: The guy who starred in Swimfan played Kirsten Dunst's love interest in the original Bring It On.

Terri (about Ken): "His fondue pot of nationalities is going to open up your kids to a host of genetic diseases."

Sue's Corner:
-- Sue: "Let me be frank - your husband is hiding his kielbasa in a Hickory Farm gift basket that doesn't belong to you."

-- Terri (when Sue says she's gained weight): "I'm pregnant."
Sue: "Well, that's no excuse. I've always thought that the desire to procreate shows deep, personal weakness... don't have the time, don't have the uterus."

-- Sue's Journal Entry:

Dear Journal. Feeling listless again today. It began at dawn, when I tried to make a smoothie out of beef bones, breaking my juicer. And then at Cheerios practice, disaster...

It was unmistakable. It was like spotting the first spark on the Hindenburg. A quiver! That quiver will lose us Nationals. And without a championship, I'll lose my endorsements. And without those endorsements, I won't be able to buy my hovercraft.

Glee Club. Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth breathers, it only comes back stronger like some sexually ambiguous horror movie villain. Here I am, about to turn 30, and I've sacrificed everything, only to be Shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy misshapen teens.

Am I missing something, Journal? Is it me? Of course it's not me. It's Will Schuester. What is it about him, Journal? Is it the arrogant smirk? Is it the store-bought home perm? You know, Journal, I noticed something yesterday...

Of course, it's coming clear to me now. If I can't destroy the club, I'll have to destroy the man!!!

All in all, 3.5 mashups out of 4.

glee 1.5: the rhodes not taken

2009-10-02T00:20:00.000-07:00

Will: "Do you think we can win Regionals without Rachel?" Emma: "Remember the Jamaican bobsled team?"

In this week's episode, "The Rhodes Not Taken", newly minted Emmy winner Kristin Chenoweth guest starred as April, a former Glee Club superstar who's become a drunk has-been squatting in foreclosed homes. And let me tell you - that lady won an Emmy for a reason. Not only can she sing, she completely stole the show - a show that was probably the best episode of Glee I've seen yet.

This episode left me with so many thoughts and reactions that I'm going to try something a little different, and divide the review into sections based on my thinking. I'm also going to skip the plot recap, since I assume if you're reading this, you already know what happened :-) Let me know what you think about this format, as I am still playing with review styles.

Focus, people! Focus!
One of the best things about "The Rhodes Not Taken" was that it finally narrowed its focus into a cohesive storyline. To be honest, I've been struggling with To-Do-or-Not-To-Do a recap each week, partially because there are so many things going on, just trying to summarize it takes up like 2 pages. I don't mind having lots of things going on, and Glee has done a fairly good job of keeping them all pretty much related to the "Theme of the Night", but centering around a few key characters and plot points made a HUGE difference in my viewing experience. It definitely helped me become more invested in what was going on, as well as allowing the characters more breathing room for development. Much tighter storytelling, for sure.

Plus, I feel like having a huge cast with too many storylines is what did Heroes in, so I'm a little wary. I spent so much time trying to follow what was going on that I completely stopped caring about the characters, who basically started sucking anyway because, well, how much can you do when you've got 6 lines each episode?

Welcome Back to Earth
In addition to filtering out the noise, "Rhodes" was a far more grounded episode. Don't get me wrong - I love the show for its absurdity and cheekiness - but I was really happy to watch something that I could relate to. Until tonight, Glee was more like a edgy, sly spoof of every high school movie/show ever made - more concerned about how the story was told then the story itself. And I loved it - I love poking fun at all 3 sequels of Bring It On - but would it have been sustainable? How long can you make fun of others if you don't have your own story to tell?

Flawed, but Real, Characters
I really like flawed characters - mostly because I think that being flawed is what makes us human. I also like complex characters. The two leads of this episode - Rachel and April - proved to be both flawed and complex, while the "good" characters - Will, Emma, and Finn - gave in to manipulation to get what they wanted.

Rachel really struggled with her decision to leave Glee Club. She feels the only thing she has is her talent, and she (wrongly and selfishly) thought it was being dismissed last week. She's miserable with the play, but keeps insisting that it's the price to pay for being such a star - trying to convince herself as much as those around her. Like any teenager - heck, any human being - she wants to belong, have people who miss her.

Kristin Chenoweth brought out layers and layers of complexity in April. She used to have such bright future, but made some bad choices, and ended up quite south of where she wanted to be. But instead of being bitter or in denial, she acknowledges what's happened and is doing her best to move on. She remains pleasant and sweet, if not altogether appropriate or classy. Like Rachel, she seeks Will's approval and admiration; but rather than being defensive and snotty, she tries hard to do what he asks - raising her hand in Spanish class, trying to woo the Glee kids, with hysterical results.

And Will, Emma and Finn? All of them knew that what they were doing was wrong - Finn took advantage of Rachel's crush to get her back to Glee, Will took advantage of April's vulnerability to help New Directions win, Emma took advantage of Finn's dilemma to help Will be happy. But they really convinced themselves that the end justified the means, even when they were patently uncomfortable about it. I'm glad that they aren't paragons of virtue.

Now... the Critique
Of course, no review of Glee can ignore the musical numbers. Tonight we had some powerhouses: while I didn't especially love the song from Cabaret, I thought splicing April and Rachel's performances were cleverly done. The karaoke of "Alone"? Genius! And picking a country song? Very bold, very fun.

Yet... *sigh*. I really enjoyed "Somebody to Love", but there are holes in the performance. First of all - Finn's singing. He's the male lead - he needs to be stronger. He's always quiet when he starts off a number, and especially when he's playing off a powerhouse like Lea Michele, he sounds tiny and unsure. At first, it was endearing - it made sense plot-wise, Finny was nervous and unsure. But at this point, he needs to drop the bewildered act, and really step up his performances. Its not that he can't sing - once he gets further into the song, it becomes more confident - he just leads off poorly, which sets a poor tone for his solos.

Second, the "dancing". What dancing? Vocal Adrenaline danced. I realize that New Directions isn't going to win because of their mad choreography, but does it have to be so amateur? On last night's So You Think You Can Dance, there was this hilarious segment about what NOT to do in an audition. One of the four was what they called the "Reach to Nowhere" - basically, when a contemporary dancer reaches beseechingly into the sky. As judge Adam Shankman said, "What are you trying to get??"

There's an awful lot of reaching in New Directions' routines. It even bothered me starting with on "Don't Stop Believing", when all Rachel and Finn did was hold their hands out to each other, but I wrote it off to being their first performance. Now, its just annoying. And I don't mean to pick on Finn, but he really looks constipated or like his pants are too tight when he "dances". Again, not very becoming of a male lead.

Finally, please fix the lip synching. Study some Britney Spears if you must, but if you're going to lip synch, please do it in, er, synch.

Oh, and what's with the shameless plugs for MySpace? (Fox owns MySpace.)

Finally... the GLEEful Moments:

-- Kurt: "Oh Bambi, I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy."

Best line of the night, hands down. Emma really does look like a deer in the headlights sometimes, with her humongous, trusting eyes :-)

-- Puck: "I bet you thought Bert and Ernie were just roommates."

Sue only had one line of the night, but it was a doozy...
-- "When I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused, then furious.

Speaking of Sandy...
-- "Let me tell you about my planned production of Equus. Have you ever hung out at a stable?"

-- Puck: "That Rachel chick makes me want to light myself on fire, but she can sing."

-- Will: "We'll get you sobered up, find you some underwear."

-- Emma: "I'm pretty sure its not a fake ID because he looks like an 11 year old milkmaid."

All in all, superb. Could this be the turning point, where Glee grows up to be a real show? I certainly hope so.

Four out of four boxes of wine.

glee 1.4: preggers

2009-09-24T12:39:00.000-07:00

"I've known it since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels."

After watching "Preggers", I'm rethinking my evaluation of last week's "Acafellas".

Like Puck, Glee came on a little too strong last week, but this week's episode showed that underneath the swagger is sensitivity. While I still don't love the way it was executed, I now see that "Acafellas" was setting up the foundation for "Preggers", just as finding your identity needs to come before you can get outside your box, and become truly spectacular.

"Preggers" was hilarious as usual, yet managed to be very touching and real. The episode centered around Kurt, who is terrified his father is going to find out he's gay. After he's caught prancing to Beyonce in a sparkly unitard ("Guys wear them to work out nowadays... they wick sweat from your body"), Brit lies and says that Kurt is on the football team, and that they were just helping him with his "conditioning".

Surprisingly though, very little of the episode was about whether or not Kurt would make the cut and be able to hold up his lie. The team, who is 0 for 6 this season, needs a new kicker, and with Finn's help, Kurt is able to "audition". And after Sue's gloating in the teachers' lunchroom - she has gotten a segment on the local news - Ken is willing to try anything to break the losing streak. After all, he says, "we already gave up our pride when we lost to that school for the deaf."

But then Glee turns the Miraculous-Football-Team-Comeback-Thanks-to-the- Unlikely-Kid cliche on its head, by having Kurt handily score an impressive field goal during tryouts - and instead having the team win the big game by distracting their opponent with a hysterical dance to "Single Ladies". (I wonder if Beyonce knew what a comedic goldmine her video/dance would become - I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as when I saw a line of football jocks "sneak back to the finger.") Even better was the reveal that Kurt's dad always knew he was gay. I guess he was waiting for Kurt to feel sure enough of himself to tell him, and/or to finally be able to trust that his father would love him no matter what. Such a sweet moment!

That's what I love about Glee - it teases that it is going to do one thing with the story, then handily dismisses it and takes you down a totally unexpected road. For example, any other show would have dragged out the Rachel pining after Finn storyline, but they kissed in the 2nd episode, making what is usually the climax a jumping point for a larger story. At first, I was thrown off by this pacing - how did Glee Club come together by the end of the pilot? - but now I appreciate it, as it keeps me guessing where the writers will go next.

It is also in this episode that the characters - both lead and secondary - really start coming to life. Terri shows that she's not a manipulative bitch, but a desperate woman caught in a lie, holding on to a husband that she pushed away with her selfishness. She's freaking out about the fake baby, and is ready to confess to Will when her sister stops her. ("Dishonesty is food to a marriage," Kendra advises. "It will die without it.")

We start to see past the arrogant confidence of key players as their vulnerabilities are revealed. Puck clearly envies his best friend. Finn has a natural talent that he's not afraid of hiding; even though Puck can also sing, he is too concerned about his "stud" image to perform. Finn has a beautiful (if not faithful) girlfriend; Puck has randy cougars and sex on Star Wars sheets. So Puck seduces Quinn by getting her drunk on wine coolers. Ironically, the president of the Celibacy Club is now pregnant after losing her virginity to her boyfriend's player best friend.

And Sue's success is actually only hanging by a thread. Some of her Cheerios are defecting to the Glee Club, and if she doesn't win Nationals, the TV segment she's been lording over the other teachers will be canned. In desperation, she blackmails Figgins with a Mumbai Air hose commercial, and teams up with Sandy to bring about Glee's demise. The plan? Steal away Glee Club's star singer - Rachel Barry - by promising the lead in a production of Cabaret ("Four words: Liza. Minelli. Celine. Dion.") Rachel is ripe for the picking - Mr. Schuester has given the West Side Story solo to Tina, a role that Rachel has "had a personal connection with since the age of 1."

A couple of weeks ago, I would have been massively annoyed by Rachel's brattiness. But in the last few episodes, the producers have done a good job of showing what is driving her diva-like behavior: Yes, she thinks she's good, but it is also the only thing she knows she has going for her. As she said to Will, kids are still throwing her lipstick down the toilet. She needs to be a star to show everyone that she's not a loser; she needs her high school years to mean something.

Finally, I am soooooo happy that the show is finally giving characters like Kurt and Tina the spotlight. I mentioned in my last review that I like how Glee is becoming an ensemble show, and this episode only reinforces that. Will's determination to give everyone an equal change to shine seems to reflect the producers' thinking as well. Not only are "minor" characters now instrumental to the plot, they are being invested in with their own backstories, solos, and personalities. And since the writers seem to relish on turning stereotypes on their heads, I am overjoyed to say that I have no idea how the characters will turn out, but I can't wait to see.

GLEEful Moments:

How adorable was Kurt with the pageant waves? First after he rocks the tryouts, then when he was jumping up and down waving at his dad, and finally blowing kisses after he makes the field goal.

Sandy in his short, short kimono. I was waiting for him to flash Sue any moment, a la Austin Powers.

Wow, Rachel singing "Taking Chances." I've never been much of a Celine Dion fan, but I'm totally downloading this song. Lea Michele has a way of making so-so songs spectacular.

The Figgins hose commercial was painful and not very funny. Sorry.

Sue and her "C" you next time.

Quinn telling Finn to "Think of the mail! Think of the mail!" when they were in the hot tub.

The acapella version of "Moonlight Sonata" during the scene with Quinn and Puck was amazing. It really set the mood.

Terri: "If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone?"
Kendra: "Oh my God. Is the baby black?"

** FYI, this conversation was a wink to Nip/Tuck. On that show, Jessalyn Gilsig's character, Gina, had convinced Christian Troy that she was pregnant with his baby, but when the baby was born, he was black.

Kendra: "Your wife is going to be pushing a watermelon out of her boy-howdy in 5 months. She doesn't need nice!"

Kurt: "My body is like a rum chocolate souffle - if I don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise."

Sandy: "I’m living in a cocoon of horror. Yesterday, I ate 9 cans of aerosol of whipped cream."

Terri: "Take these three times a day or your baby will be ugly."

Kurt: "Nighttime skincare is a big part of my post game ritual."

Kurt: "I need to ask you something."
Finn: "Thanks, but I already have a date for the prom."

Tanaka: "You make this and you die a legend."
Kurt: "Can I pee first?"

Finn: "I got this from the school library. Did you know you can borrow books from there?"

Sue's Corner: (she deserves her own, dontcha think?)

This week she called Emma "Alma". Last week, it was "Irma".

"Caning works."

"Boy, the only thing missing from this place is a couple dozen bodies lying and rotting under the shallow grave of the floorboard."

"If I was out to get you, I'd have you pickling in a mason jar by now."

"I'll often yell at homeless people 'Hey, how's that homelessness working out for you? Give not being homeless a try."

Music:

No huge numbers this week, but the Single Ladies dance and Rachel's solo more than made up for it.

"Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" by Beyoncé

"Taking Chances" by Céline Dion, performed by Rachel Berry

"Tonight" from West Side Story, performed by Tina Cohen-Chang

"Preggers" didn't dazzle me like the pilot; it also didn't make me wince or worry the way that both "Showmance" and "Acafella" did. In some ways, I'm happy that it was a solid, low key episode, and not an explosive showcase like episode one. These are the kinds of episodes that build characters, further plotlines, and makes a show a long term player.

Three out of four sparkling unitards.

glee 1.3: acafellas

2009-09-23T22:42:00.001-07:00

"I want you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure."

Ryan Murphy is not a subtle man.

Anyone who has ever watched Nip/Tuck, the show that made him a Hollywood power player, knows this. No doubt the show has fantastic actors, character development, and cheeky commentary on the value our society places on beauty. But it also uses shock and taboo to drive forward the plot: a 16 year old having an affair with his friend's mother, who happens to be a post-op transsexual that had an incestuous relationship with "her" son. A killer being pursued by a detective who happens to be his sister that he's had sex with. You see a pattern here?

Now, Glee has never claimed to be a sensitive teen drama a la My So Called Life. But "Acafellas", the 3rd installment, was about as subtle as Christian Troy's bare behind. The theme of the night was confidence. I know, because it was repeated four times. Oh - and in case you didn't get the memo - Ryan helped us along with helpful synonyms like "balls", "guts", "cajones". I'm not sure if I felt so stupid at the end of the episode because my head had been bashed in with an anvil, or if it was because we, the viewers, were treated like we were borderline retarded.

Don't get me wrong - I enjoyed "Acafellas" a lot. There were some excellent isolated moments, and overall, I am pleased by the continued character development (more later). I just think that they tried a little too hard to be "deep" this week. It's always great when you have parallel story lines to tie together a theme - such as they did last week with "Showmance". Or when you can get seemingly unrelated characters or plots to come together into a greater whole - like Heroes did in its first season.

But this was rather ham-fisted. Four male characters and one female all having a crisis of confidence in one episode? That was all resolved by the end of the hour? Come on, this is high school, parenthood, life. Confidence and identity issues don't go away - they could have developed these themes over time as characters grow and become more complex.

Ok, rant over. Now onto the good stuff...

First off, how great was it to have Sandy "not allowed within 50 feet of children" back? And stalking Josh Groban, an "angel sent down to deliver platinum records unto us"? The only thing that made me more excited was more Figgins screen time. He is definitely my favorite secondary character. Who else would mollify angry parents ("they found out we were serving prison food") with an acapella version of "I Wanna Sex You Up"?

Speaking of which, I'm not sure I ever needed to know the lyrics of "Poison" or "I Wanna Sex You Up", which seemed so much dirtier when sung by Ken Tanaka. One of the things I love most about the show is that the songs they showcase are really just ... wrong. And the audiences who are watching (in the show) don't even blink. I wonder if that's deliberate or an oversight, especially after they made such a big deal about the "Push It" performance last week. You'd think it would occur to at least one parent that "Rehab" is not exactly an appropriate high school show choir song.

On the character development front, Quinn and Terry both continue to grow on me. Terry has now noticed Emma's overenthusiastic support of her husband. She also seems to be appreciating how great Will is more and more. I forgive Quinn for watching Bring It On one too many times, as she seems to have defected from Camp Cheerios. Hooray.

But the star of the night was Mercedes. Besides the fact that she blew the roof off with her rendition of "Bust Your Windows", I'm glad that all the characters are getting their share of screen time. Glee could have easily focused on Emma/Will/Terry and Rachel/Finn, but it is truly developing into an ensemble cast show.

Last, but far from least, Kurt's coming out to Mercedes was a touching moment. I live in San Francisco, so I often forget how hard it is to be gay in 90% of the country.

GLEEful Moments:

Victor Garber! In a bow tie! I know that he's played many more roles than Spy Daddy, but it still throws me off a bit when he smiles.

The lead singer from Vocal Adrenaline was named Best Female at Absolutely Tampastic.

Henri and the two thumbs up cake. He had to bite the thumb off because he couldn't use his fork.

Sandy: "I told Figgins that you are going to have a school full of nancies unless you get some hot wood in those teenagers' hands."

Doctor: "There's no baby."
Terry: "Did it fall out?"

Mercedes: "Just because he wears nice clothes don't mean he's on the down-low."
Rachel: "He wore a corset to second period."

Sue: "You know, the way you use your mental illness to help these kids is really inspiring."

Puck: "Dude, my bowels have better movements than you."

Josh Groban: "Josh Groban loves a blowsy alcoholic."

BTW, Ken Tanaka also plays Chang on True Blood. He looked familiar, but the knee high socks threw me off.

The Music:

"This Is How We Do It" by Montell Jordan, sung by Acafellas

"Poison" by Bel Biv De Voe, sung by Acafellas

"Mercy" by Duffy, performed by Vocal Adrenaline

"I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd, performed by Acafellas

"Bust Your Windows" by Jazmine Sullivan, performed by Mercedes

No singing by Rachel this week... I definitely missed it.

All in all, it was a solid episode. The emotional bits felt awkward, especially when juxtaposed next to the musical numbers and the snarky comedy, both of which Glee does seamlessly. But it's still better than the majority of shows out there. I'm optimistic that things will smooth out as the show finds its footing.

Two out of four missing thumbs.

spotted! spy daddy on "glee"!

2009-09-19T15:48:00.001-07:00

Spotted!

This week's Glee featured a guest performance by one of my favorite actors - Victor Garber, a.k.a. Spy Daddy / Jack Bristow on Alias.

He looks adorable in a bow tie, but I can't wait for him to sing.

spotted! mark kanemura in vma's "paparazzi"

2009-09-19T15:17:00.000-07:00

Spotted! Mark Kanemura, he of SYTYCD's powerhouse Season 4, in Lady Gaga's bloody VMA rendition of "Paparazzi".

Lady Gaga - New Music - More Music Videos

Not only are "Bleeding Love" and "The Garden" two of my favorite SYTYCD routines of all time, but both have been nominated for Emmys! Congrats Mark!

spotted! alex skarsgard, "paparazzi" video

2009-09-19T14:57:00.000-07:00

Spotted! Alex Skarsgard, a.k.a. Eric on True Blood in Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" video.

Lady Gaga - New Music - More Music Videos

That woman is truly weird, but I have to admit, I love her music and her performances are original and kind of mind blowing.

Besides, she has GREAT taste in men. Not only is Alex the love of my life*, but Mark Kanemura - one of my favorites from SYTYCD Season 4 - was in her infamous VMA routine.

*Sorry, Michael Vartan, but even my love for you couldn't get me to stomach HawhthoRNe.

sytycd top 18 reviews

2009-06-18T11:41:00.000-07:00

I don't expect to be reviewing every ep of SYTYCD, but I wanted to comment on this particular episode since I find myself totally disagreeing with the judges. True, it definitely looks and feels different from both being live v. on tv and the angle that they are watching it from, but sometimes I'm just not sure where they are coming from!

Read the recap of the dances/judges' critiques here, as I will be referencing them:
http://www.tvguide.com/Episode-Recaps/Think-Dance/Think-Dance-Recap-1007035.aspx

First off, a couple of general season comments:

I still feel that S5's dancers are weaker than both S4 (amazing!) and S3 (also amazing!). In some ways, I think that the producers are starting to fill specific "roles" based on what has been successful in the past. For example:

Brandon = Will (S4) = Danny (S3): The strong, technically trained, powerful dancer that seems to have an "attitude"/some judges are put off by
Max = Pasha (S3) = Dmitri (S2): The Russian ballroom dancer. Incidentally, Pasha was the love of my life, and Dmitri is just plain HOT. Max can't compete.
Evan = Benji (S2): The cute, loveable, popular one
Kayla = Katee (S4) = Jamie (S3): The strong contemporary trained female dancer
Caitlin = Courtney (S4): The cute female underdog
Philip = Twitch (S4) = Hok (S3): The street trained hip hop dancer that is defying the odds
Jonathan = Neil (S3): The acrobatic pretty boy
Kupono = Mark (S4): Do I need to even say?
Asuka = Chelsea (S4): Token ballroom dancer

Unfortunately, in trying to cast these roles, this season's dancers seem less versatile then in past seasons. This week's show demonstrated that, out of their element, they are just not as strong. I fear that once they start pushing the different styles, you're going to see a lot more disappointing performances, instead of watching the dancers soar to new heights like in previous seasons.

Also, I feel that the judges are a little overexuberant on their praise, as if they're trying to sell to the audience that S5 has the best dancers ever. Especially after Natalie was cut - if you look on Twitter, the judges are *still* defending their decision. Not by a long shot, I'm sorry. Besides being more limited, the overall cast has far less charisma, with the exception of Philip. Brandon, Max, Kupono and Jonathan are watered-down versions of Danny, Pasha, Mark and Neil. And Asuka certainly doesn't come close to Chelsea or Anya in her ballroom technique.

That being said, on to the dances...

Evan and Randy: I liked this one. It had high energy, and it was cute. Unfortunately, with some of the stinkers during the rest of the night, I think it was easily forgettable. They still remain a favorite for me.

Melissa and Ade: Really? Powerful? I don't have an issue with Sonya's style or choreography, but neither of them had the personality to pull it off the way Courtney and Mark did last year. I'd like to see Ashley and Kupono do a Sonya number.

Caitlin and Jason: Oy. Caitlin is one of my favorites, but I really don't think that the choreography did her any favors. But I do agree with Mary on this one: It was like watching Michael Jackson and Britney Spears. Fail.

Jannette and Brandon: OK, I admit - I love Jannette. But the disco? Come on. No comparison to the Pasha/Sara number from S3, where they were just both transformed, or even the cute-but-slick Gev/Courtney one from last season. They were trying SO HARD to have disco attitude that I didn't even see the dancing. In fact, it was moving so fast, I'm not sure there was dancing. And Brandon, yes, I know you're trying not to be bland, but don't try so hard to fabricate a personality that isn't yours. Be yourself... you're a sweet, wonderful dancer, you're not Twitch.

Asuka and Vitolio: I really want to like Vitolio, and I'm not sure if he's just not a strong dancer, or if Asuka is pulling him down. I HATE Asuka. She was over the top trying to be sexy before, and while I liked her toned down self much more, that "sincerity" seemed so fake to me. She looked like she was constipated, not emotionally hurting. And the comment about not being attracted to Vitolio? Snot.

Kayla and Max/Jeanine and Philip: I won't comment on the dances so much as on the judges' critiques. I really thought Max pulled it out last night - honestly, my eyes were on him the whole routine. He owned that slimy, oily snake-charmer character. And Jeanine - sure the tango was rough, but she was pretty damn good considering how hard it was for Philip. Why did the judges spend so much time on him? Jeanine was worth more than a "hot mama" throwaway comment.

Karla and Jonathan: I liked this number, and I thought it was good, and I thought it was like almost all of the other "emotional" contemporary numbers out there. The hair-flinging, run-into-his-arms-and-hold-on-tight... it lost it's impact after Lacey and Kameron did it on S3. I'm happy that Jonathan pulled it off though - he's sweet, if sort of young and (you guessed it) bland.

Kupono and Ashley. I love both of them, personality wise, so I hope they'll stay. However, that routine... not so good. I hope they get through - there are far worse people that deserves to be cut.

Special Mention: Shane Sparks. Now, I love me some Shane, but I really was disappointed by his choreography. Comments on the web vary from "it's the dancers' fault" to "Shane hasn't done anything good in years". I disagree with both. That group number from Shane last week was frakkin' awesome - in fact, it inspired me to sign up for hip hop classes. But the routines, especially Kupono and Ashley's, were muddy.

Perhaps I wouldn't be looking so hard for the story if he hadn't told us what the dance was about in the taping. But after being spoiled by Napoleon and Tabitha, whose hip hop story telling is so emotional and compelling, it just doesn't come across. Shane, I think, is best at high energy routines that don't have any emotional tug, such as last week's group performance and one of my all time favorite: "Pitbull"/Transformers with Pasha and Lauren.

I *am* glad that the judges are nicer this year than last... My stomach was really starting to turn at the harsh comments from S4 and early S5 auditions. If we can thank Twitter for that, then I'm all for Twitter. However, I still feel like some of the praise - especially Nigel's comments - are motivated by trying to "sell" the audience on the dancers. Let's hope that S6 brings back Natalie, fewer people we've seen in previous seasons, and better dancers overall.

And please... CAN WE GET SOME GOOD HIP HOP DANCERS next time??? Philip is the bomb, no doubt, but if Tony was the second best that they could pull, we're dying a slow death.

*~*~*~*~*
Cast:

Cat Deeley is THE BEST hostess ever. I love her - she seems so genuinely nice and doesn't take herself too seriously. If she's really an awful person, don't tell me! My favorite moment was last season, when she put on Twitch's grills and sunglasses.

Good vid of her: http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/06/cat-deeley-must-list-video-photo-shoot.html

Mary Murphy has been dressing far better this season. No more tacky East Jersey housewives garb, a la leopard skin dresses with bad pearls. Please keep it up!

I've thought it for years, but doesn't Nigel Lythgoe look like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons?

twittering in real time

2009-06-17T20:54:00.000-07:00

Ever since I signed on to Twitter, I've become more sensitive to real-time updates/spoilers about some of my favorite tv shows. It was bad enough avoiding the EW feeds that popped up on my iGoogle page, but Twitter is even worse! I stupidly opened my Twitter page, and of course, I saw Adam Shankman's real-time tweets about tonight's SYTYCD performance show. Blarg!

It's bad enough being on the West Coast, so everything is already revealed three hours before you get to it. But at least there was some work to getting to blog posts, reviews, entertainment news.

Blarg, redux.

pumpkin pop #2

2008-11-01T20:29:00.001-07:00

pumpkin pop #1

2008-10-21T11:14:00.000-07:00

why i should be vice president

2008-10-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Senator McCain -

Recently, some political pundits, both conservative and liberal, called for Sarah Palin to step down as your VP nominee. In the case that you are considering it, please allow me to tell you why I would be just as good, if not a better, replacement candidate.
Like Palin, I am young, female, and attractive... and look damn good in red, navy blue and purple.
I am also Asian, so I represent a minority.
I'm Republican, Catholic, and heterosexual. I actually go to church (or used to, when it was 5 mins away from my house), sang in the church choir, and plan to stay at home with my kids when they are young. And yes, take them to soccer practice.
I know your voting record and politics, as I had been a supporter of you the last 2 presidential elections. Best of all, I understand what they mean.
I was personally affected by 9/11, as I lived near NYC all my life, and visited. A lot.
I have leadership experience. I was VP of a student club in high school, and have managed projects that made a lot of money.
I am a foreign policy guru. I was in Model UN in high school and college, and even spoke at some of them!
I have extensive policy experience. I majored in History - researching tyrants like Mao and Hitler, so I understand good leadership, and studied Political Science for a year, before I dropped it b/c I got so depressed by how stupid the American voting population was. Therefore, I really understand our potential constituents.
I talk like the rest of the country. I can alternate between Jersey girl and Valley girl, so I'd connect with both sides of the coast. I'm like, *totally* ready to lead.
I own a small dog, which would appeal to animal activists and small dog owners everywhere.
I can navigate the DC old boys club. Being in the tech industry, work mainly with guys, so know how to get them to do things by wearing short skirts or baking cookies. And I get along with white males - or at least usually date tall, blond guys.
Finally, I would attract your minority blue collar population. I have a great booty, which black and Mexican construction workers always comment on.
I hope you will consider my candidacy. Not only am I just as qualified as Ms. Palin, but I don't look a thing like Tina Fey.
You betcha!

Serena Yang or Preston
(I can be either, depending on what group you are talking to)

lil' p

2008-09-29T16:48:00.001-07:00

Courtesy of Jess :-)

Look out for her new single, Buns 'n Juice, coming soon!

ah, the magic of rob

2008-09-29T11:49:00.001-07:00

Rob Zhang: i had 2lb poo last night
Rob Zhang: i weighed myself
Rob Zhang: before
Rob Zhang: and after

palin v. couric, redux

2008-09-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

Don't you wish Tina Fey was the VP candidate instead?

how oracle attracts customers to oracle world

2008-09-23T22:24:00.000-07:00

Yet another repost, but too funny not to share...

pumpkin perusals

2008-09-22T16:46:00.000-07:00

As this incredible year slowly barrels to an end, I'm often struck by just how different my life was from a year ago... or how it could have been. I talked a little bit in my bday post about the changes that I am proud of / thankful for in my personal life, but I haven't mentioned one of the best things that's ever happened to me: Pumpkin.

Of course, everyone knows that I love her to pieces, and everyone knows how much my life, and my attitude, has changed because of her. But as her 1st birthday gets closer (its this Friday), I started to wonder what things would be like if I had gotten a puppy, but just not P. I was this close to actually getting a sweet little doxy girl named Jan, when I ran across Pumpkin's sassy little picture on the web.

Even though pics on the web are always a crapshoot, I knew that I wanted a puppy with a lot of character. And boy, did I get that and more with my bunny! She's such a silly, silly girl, with her funny faces and shameless "pet me" belly flips... I am always just laughing. Last night, she got a hold of this bow that came with a package I received, and spent a good 10 mins on her back playing with it. I could not help cracking up.

I wonder... if I had gotten Jan, who is quieter by nature, would my personality have influenced her, or would she be completely different from P? Would I have been as amused and in love?

I'm sure as a mommy, I would have still loved her. But, I might not have gotten some of the most memorable Pkin moments, like when she got her head stuck in my sneaker and couldn't get it off :-)

Happy birthday, P! Mommy loves you!

... and the pics from the last 2 months

2008-09-13T22:49:00.000-07:00

Andy's Bday on Bastille Day:

The bday girl looking adorable

Me, Jess and Christen

Burlesque!

Hatching Things and Siamese Twins

Andy looking cute... the Bearded Ladies? We're not quite sure.

Masks and Mayhem

And of course... the Blue Bunny, clothed and, er, not.

My Bday @ Tres Agave:

"I am now old, I must be serious."

Rob trying out for the Zoolander sequel

Now Rob just plain trying out for a porn

Scott and Deepali. Oh, they seem so normal!

Why am I screaming? Because I knew from the look on Daniel's face that he was up to something...

... and there it is: Ambused by a Tequila Shot! The pic is as fuzzy as I felt afterwards.

c-c-c-changes

2008-09-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

Its been 2 months since I've blogged... and that means that I've had better things to do than sit in front of a computer, pouring out insane babbles. A lot has changed in the last two months - so much that, well, I'm too lazy to write about them :-)

BUT... I do want to report that FINALLY, my life is back to normal. As I said, a lot of changes - new job, new friends, new furniture, new outlook. And all of that has been incredible. But to some degree, I've been rather out of sorts, because I've spent most of the last couple of months trying to get the changes settled in. This weekend, I finally got back to my routine: bills, cleaning, fitness, Pumpkin.

I'm back on WW, not to lose weight, but just to stop eating crap. Really, I'm shocked I haven't gained MORE weight considering the way I've been eating! I also finally plowed through that pile of mail that I haven't wanted to deal with. Now I'm poor, but oh well, that's reality.

Besides getting back to life-as-usual, albeit a very new life-as-usual, I do have to comment on my birthday this year. It was a very low key celebration - just a bunch of us having dinner and drinks at Tres Agave. But it was probably the best birthday I've had since I was 19. Exactly one year ago, I swore that I would finally deal with the instability that has basically hijacked my life. And by my birthday this year, I'd not only dealt with it, but conquered it; and gave myself the only things I've ever asked for in life: stability, normalness, sanity, and the ability to finally enjoy my life.

Yeah, yeah, I've got thousands of pics to get up. Now that there's Facebook, it almost seems pointless to post...

out with the old, in with the... nothing?

2008-07-12T10:01:00.000-07:00

This morning, the rest of my bedroom furniture went bye-bye. I sold practically the entire set to this college student at San Jose State. Now my bedroom consists of a mattress, a stool, a lamp, and a bunch of boxes and laundry baskets.

My new furniture isn't coming until next weekend, so I'll be living bare for the next week or so. Strangely enough, I realized that this is the exact same setup as I had when I first moved to SF, and it took 3 weeks before my furniture was delivered. Sort of like going all the way back to the beginning, as I start a new phase in my life.

And, my carpet is phenomenally dirty. Dammit, I need my vacuum back.

a busy (and meaty) 4th

2008-07-06T00:02:00.000-07:00

Man, I can't believe that its only Sunday. This has been one of the longest weekends that I can recall. Of course, I've been unemployed for 2 months now, so days / weekends have far less meaning, but I feel like the weekend has lasted close to 4 days.

Bar Tartine & Elixir
We kicked it off on Thursday night with dinner at Bar Tartine, followed by drinks at Elixir. Vicky and I have both been dying to try Bar Tartine, and boy, was it worth it! I mean, South was good - and lots of fun - but the food at Bar Tartine was sublime. We started off with a cold Pea and Mint soup that was topped by a dollop of Bacon Cream, paired with Sea Urchin with Egg and Toast, and Scallop Crudo. Each was delicious in itself, but best of all, they worked really well together - especially the soup, whose cool mellow flavor balanced out the intensity of the sea urchin.

For the main course, we chose only the duck, which was also amazing. Again, the details really just made the meal: not only was the duck and the sauce itself flavorful, but even the baby turnips that garnished the dish were delicious. We ended the meal with a charcuterie plate that consisted of pork ear terrine, chicken pate, and figs, and then headed out to meet up with Alex, Fernando, Nathan, et al., at Elixir for my I-Got-A-Job celebration drinks.

A Foggy Fourth
Friday was the 4th proper, and in true San Francisco style, it was foggy and cold. I was pretty hungover from the night before, so my day didn't really get started until 2, and I was sort of foggy myself for most of it. Pumpkin and I did finally make it out to Nathan's for his BBQ, which was a lot of fun because there were 4 other doggies there. I made plans to go to meditation and dance class with Jess, while Pumpkin did laps from the backyard, up to the house, down to the hall, and through the garage back to the backyard.

This was probably one of Pumpkin's most exciting weekends, since we went to not one, but two BBQs. Not only did she get out to socialize with families and doggies, but she also got the treat of being allowed to eat people food for once. I figured, since it was a bbq, she could have something special. So it was Nathan's special chicken on Friday, and some hamburger patty yesterday at Corinne's.

Serena & Vicky's Big Adventure (courtesy of Google Maps)
Yesterday was both an extremely good, and an extremely frustrating day. On balance, it ended up being good, but there was an hour there that I felt like I was in some bad comedy starring Keanu Reeves.

Pumpkin, Vicky and I headed out towards the East Bay for Corinne's BBQ. Mmmm... more meat. Since she's out in Livermore, I decided to actually stop in EQ3 to order my couch, instead of doing it over the phone. I wanted to double check that I had the right fabric color name. In any case, I got there, and there was this HUGE sale going on for the weekend. I had planned on getting the couch this weekend regardless, so I was happily surprised to get 15% off! When you're talking about a big-ticket purchase, 15% comes out to about $250 in savings, so score!

I also managed to lose my parking ticket in the black hole that is my Pumpkin bag. I figured I'd just pay the lost ticket fee, since it was only $12, but the guy was so nice that he let us through for free! He made my day... and I am definitely adding him to my Kindness of Strangers hall of fame :-)

Vicky and I were chatting the entire drive out to Livermore - so much so that I completely forgot to stop by Marie Callender's (in San Ramon) to pick up some pies. You see, I have been dreaming/craving a strawberry pie for about 6 months, so I was excited to be headed towards a Marie Callender's. So we pulled off the highway, fired up Google Maps, and got some directions to get to the shop.

Well, I don't know if GMaps didn't pinpoint our location correctly, or if its being subsidized by the gas industry, but we ended up on a grand tour of San Ramon Valley. It instructed us to head back 15 miles west on 580, exit, make two turns, get back onto 580E (towards where we came from), and then get on 680N. Why we could not have just gone back the 5 miles from where we were to the 680N exit, I will never understand. Eventually, we got there, and we got our pies, but by that time, we had driven about an hour / 40 extra miles, and Pumpkin's bladder was about to burst. AND, to add insult to the injury, when we actually drove towards Corinne's, we realized it was about 10 minutes away from where we originally stopped.

Well, we made it. And by that time, we were ravenous. So we chomped down lots of meat, had some beer, and then finally settled in for some good talk and good food. Pumpkin had a blast trying to dig food out of the paper bags where the plates were thrown. At one point, she came up to me and Christine with whipped cream all over her nose! Nola, Christine and Mark's 2 year old, was so brave and cute and chased Pumpkin around for a while. Finally, it got late, so the three of us headed back to the now freezing cold city.

All in all, a fun weekend filled with lots of good friends, good talk and good food. And Pumpkin fun, which is always a bonus!

daily horoscope for virgo | july 5, 2008

2008-07-05T11:32:00.000-07:00

There are many crucial pieces of your life coming together now and if you don't pay serious attention to what's happening, you could miss your chance. Nevertheless, you will be more productive in the long run if you take some time to simply enjoy the little things in life. Balance is your key to happiness.

That about summarizes my life for the last few weeks.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!

2008-06-18T22:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, its a little hard to convey Mary's screams in print (although, unfortunately for everyone around me, I can do it pretty well in person). But HOT DANG! So You Think You Can Dance is back, and I am stoked!

I don't think the dancers this year are nearly as solid as last's, but then, that was my first season, and I was so absolutely impressed with everything I saw. I have to say, I am totally rooting for the hip hop and Latin dancers this time around (plus Kourtni, just because her audition was off the hook). Its not just because those are my dances, but because I feel like they are all a lot more real and passionate than the [way too many] contemporary dancers that they brought on this year. Seriously, all those contemporary guys? They're all the same to me, with the exception of Will.

My favorites: Twitch, Comfort, Kherington, Joshua. I'm on the fence about Katee. She's a great dancer, and I have definitely improved my opinion about her the last two weeks, but she didn't make a great impression on me at the auditions (fans will understand why).

Ugh to Marquis, Gev, and Chris. They all blend. Marquis is going to bring Susie down, who is my underdog favorite. Luckily, Comfort is strong enough that Chris just pales in comparison. And I love her Week 1 thing where she was like, "Nigel, I am wearing bras and beads!" in her southern twang.

Some kick ass routines from the last two weeks: Ooh, definitely both of Josh & Katee's routines, and the Broadway one with Twitch and Kerington (can you tell I LOVE Broadway?). The hip hop one last week was fun; this week's was a little uneven. The disco last week was the bomb! And my favorite of all is Comfort and Chris doing the jive.

Btw, what the f*** was Mary wearing tonight? Stevie thought she looked like she was a streetwalker; I actually think hookers have more style. She looked like a Long Island housewife who just came back from a sale at Strawberry's. Or, for you non-New Yorkers, Peg Bundy with money.

have edd, or just plain b*tchy?

2008-06-18T11:00:00.000-07:00

If it wasn't for my recent (and clearly not yet demonstrable) opening of compassion, this might have been an "Aha!" moment. Even as is, it makes a lot of sense to me.

Empathy Deficit Disorder: Do you suffer from it?

P.S. Notice that EDD is also the acronym for the unemployment agency :-)

getting back into the groove

2008-06-16T12:24:00.001-07:00

Well, its been great and all to be brain dead for as long as I have, but I finally realized last night that I have to start getting back into my life. And the truth is, when I sit around for too long, I brood. I am, and will always be, a project person.

So, for one thing, I'm totally stoked about my interview schedule for this week!

Today: none but a phone interview. Phew
Tues: Another Autodesk phone interview in am, Adobe Round 2 in pm
Wed: Adobe CTO office phone interview in am, Pure Digital Technologies Round 1 in pm
Thurs: Adobe Round 2 wrap up in pm
Fri: Autodesk in person
Mon: Cisco Round 2

On top of that, I am finally getting around to spring cleaning my apartment. Its been beyond a mess this week, but even when it was clean, there has just been way too much accumulated junk. So I'm going to start tackling that. I guess I've been waiting for the decorator to come in and just make everything go away :-)

AND - personal training starts this week. Yay!

shockingly poor quality

2008-06-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

I downloaded the Amazon Unbox player today, as my wireless router is busted, and I have no way of getting vids onto my Tivo. (I missed Friday's ep of BSG, and its the last one before 2009.) I am shocked at how bad the quality of both the player and the video is! Seriously, the only way to get even halfway decent resolution is to have a screen that is smaller than the size of my palm. And every time I pause or resize the screen, it crashes, causing me to have to restart the ep from the beginning!

In these days of technological advance, its really quite surprising. I mean, I could get a better vid off of YouTube.

on a roll!

2008-06-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

WHOO!! I got second round with Adobe! I'm stoked - they are super cool - but I know its going to be tough. The next round will be with all the technical ppl, and I am neither technical nor experienced in this particular area. Oh well. I'll do my best and hope that's enough!

I also had a great time meeting ppl at Cisco today. I don't know if they liked me, but I felt good talking to them. On top of that, I'm scheduling some stuff at Autodesk, and 3 startups.

*Cross fingers*

finally

2008-06-10T17:18:00.000-07:00

I finally figured out the perfect way to capture where I am at right now: I'm finally taking my life off hold. It scares the sh*t out of me, but I'm excited and optimistic at the same time.

There.

diving right back in

2008-06-09T21:07:00.001-07:00

Welcome back to my life!

My re-entry to San Francisco, the job hunt, and the beginning of the rest of my life got off to a turbo-charged start. We didn't get back until 4am this morning, and when I finally crawled out of bed at 11, my apartment looked like it had vomited mail, clothes and random puppy stuff. Really, I should have been sleeping until 2pm and then had a leisurely day unpacking. Instead, I dived right back into the pool.

I wanted to start generating some leads on jobs, so this weekend, I applied to some new things on Monster, Hotjobs, and Dice. By this afternoon, I had had 3 calls from recruiters, one phone interview, and another one scheduled. I also had to go back into the old BEA building to meet with a recruiting agency, so I stopped by to visit some folks.

After a 4pm doctor's visit, I grabbed a quick bagel (the only thing I'd eaten was french toast this morning), rushed home, and then headed off to get my butt kicked at the gym. By the time I actually got around to clearing a small square on my kitchen table, I was half dead.

The frenzy continues: a 9am interview tomorrow, a 9am interview Wed, and meeting with the personal trainer on Thurs. Then, furniture shopping on Fri + drinks with the crew. For someone who, only 3 days ago, didn't even know what day of the week it was, this is quite a change of pace.

But I like it. Now that I've embraced my flaws and accepted myself the way I am :-D I can happily say that I just like being busy. Hey, calm and zen is great emotionally and at the end of the day, but I am nothing if not a whirlwind of energy. Oh, and I am going to hire someone to help me decorate. If I do it myself, I'll be stuck on the "slightly pink" or "just a little pinker" for 2 weeks because I'm such a freaking perfectionist.

Now I am going to eat some dog food. Seriously.

the taiwan twins

2008-04-08T16:37:00.001-07:00

netflix for books

2008-03-14T22:28:00.000-07:00

Every year, I swear that I am going to start going to the library. I am a book junkie, especially when I have one area or the other that I am exploring. (Right now, its attachment theory.) I spend a lot of time on Amazon.com, perusing the recommendations, reviews, table of contents, etc.

I spend a ton of money on books - Amazon, Borders, B&N - you name it. My parents always get me gift cards to a bookstore for Christmas. And lately, I have been making a point of reading a bit in bed before sleeping - it really does help wind me down for the night.

So my biggest wish was to be able to "borrow" books online... you know, like at a library, without actually going. I never return stuff to the library. I'm not even sure I return stuff to Hollywood Video. And tonight, I stumbled upon what people are calling Netflix for Books... a book rental service called Paperspine.com.

Its my dream come true.

Before signing up, I did a lot of searches, to see how obscure and what type of books they have. Far better selection than the other two competitors that I dug up. And I was duly impressed. I'm so completely stoked - $14.95/mo is far less than I usually spend at the bookstore. And if I really love a book, then I can just buy it.

Whoo!

what's YOURS telling you?

2008-03-12T21:53:00.001-07:00

Finally... a book written just for me!

See, guys - I'm not alone! In fact, there are, er, load of other poo-gazers letting loose... um, ew, not in THAT way.

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2008/03/12/poo/

I wonder if there is a section on bok choy...?

peep show

2008-03-12T14:10:00.001-07:00

Excellent.

upside-down doggie

2008-02-25T21:53:00.000-08:00

Wow, I thought Brindo was weird for sleeping on his back, but Pumpkin takes the cake.

Sleeping half out of her bed

Not very ladylike, honey...

Playing against gravity

I'm getting a neck cramp just looking at her.

kappa good

2008-02-24T16:45:00.000-08:00

Forget Gary Danko, forget Michael Mina. Neither of those restaurants have impressed me or my foodie friends. To date, the only "high end" restaurant that I would recommend unequivocally was Myth... but Myth was never special occasion high end, and now its changed owners.

And then we met Kappa.

Certainly, Kappa doesn't seem like a schmancy place: it's upstairs from the Japantown Denny's, with an unmarked door, and seating for no more than 10. But the food, the service... its heavenly. Plus, one of the things that I was not impressed by Gary Danko was that the food they served was so generic. It was damn good, for sure, but I can get good foie gras just about anywhere these days.

Kappa is like no other restaurant - Japanese or otherwise - that I've been to. John and I went last Tuesday for his 30th birthday, and it was a wonderful experience. We ordered the omakase so we didn't have to think about what to order, and what paired well with what. We were the only two customers in the place until the last 30 mins, so Rumiko (the owner) fussed about us. Everything was superbly presented. All we had to do was to order a sake, and enjoy the food.

The omakase consisted of 8 courses of small plates - think tappas Japanese style. This included two appetizers, one sashimi platter, one soup, two desserts, and two mains. Even though each taste was just a morsel, by the end of the night, even Mr. Hollow Leg John was stuffed. Besides, the flavors were so rich and different that we were able to savor each bite.

It will be hard to top something like Kappa. But that's ok, that's why we have special occasions only occasionally.

god bless mao

2008-02-14T16:17:00.000-08:00

This article appeared in the SF Chronicle today. Its hysterical...

Mao Offered Women to U.S.

Thursday, February 14, 2008 15:34 PST WASHINGTON, (AP) --

Amid a discussion of trade in 1973, Chairman Mao Zedong made what Secretary of State Henry A. Kissinger called a novel proposition: sending tens of thousands, even 10 million, Chinese women to the United States.

"You know, China is a very poor country," Mao said, according to a document released by the State Department's historian office. "We don't have much. What we have in excess is women. So if you want them we can give a few of those to you, some tens of thousands."

A few minutes later, Mao circled back to the offer. "Do you want our Chinese women?" he asked. "We can give you 10 million."

After Kissinger noted Mao was "improving his offer," the chairman said, "We have too many women ... They give birth to children and our children are too many."

"It is such a novel proposition," Kissinger replied in his discussion with Mao in Beijing. "We will have to study it."

ahh... the memories

2008-02-12T15:31:00.000-08:00

Today, MTV announced their very own "Real World" awards show. (Seriously.) Of course, no Real World history could omit Coral, from Back to New York, a.k.a. my former roommate from hell. This should bring a nostalgic tear to my friends from 1999, who provided refuge for me from her.

The award she is up for is very appropriately named.

I wanted to embed the video, but MTV doesn't publish the link, so go here to check out Coral in all her glorious insanity: http://www.mtv.com/ontv/specials/real_world_awards/category.jhtml?catId=roommate_from_hell&cpid=9

In fact, it was MY interview with the producers that got her onto the show. One of these days, I'm going to get off my lazy ass and write up those stories.

btw, some fresh pumpkin...

2008-02-03T21:31:00.000-08:00

What a bunny-bunny!

the irony of pumpkin

2008-02-03T21:19:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know its been more than months since I've posted. Everytime I think of something to write, I get distracted by the adorable little puppy I have at home. Or, rather, distracted by something bad that she's doing, trying to do, or trying to pretend she's not doing.

(It doesn't help that my wireless has been down for weeks, so I'm tied to the LAN line - which is closest to my couch - and everytime I sit down with the laptop, Baby plants herself on the keyboard.)

One of the bad things Pumpkin has been doing is eating her own poop every once in a while. According to my Vet, is normal puppy behavior. But still - EW. So I've been trying different ways to get her to stop doing it. I've tried scolding her (associating negative consequences), spraying bitter apple on it, even adding MSG - which my vet said would work, and promptly induced a tummy allergy in the poor thing.

Finally, I found something non-toxic to add to her food that seems to be working. Yep, you guessed it... pumpkin!

It took feeding Pumpkin pumpkin to get her to stop recycling her food. The irony is beautiful.

pet travel is a nightmare

2007-12-11T10:26:00.000-08:00

I swear, I never realized how much I love my little Pumpkin until last night, when I tried to book her a reservation as a carry-on for my flight back to PA.

First of all, can I just say that this new outsourcing customer service to India is NOT a good idea? I mean, no offense to India - we have fantastic engineers that either have come to the US, or work out of our Bangalore offices. However, when it comes to customer service, its probably not best to hire people whose English is not that great. I'm sure when it comes to 99% of reservations, its fine, but when it comes to complicated issues, it becomes a nightmare.

So the flight I was originally on didn't have carry-on room for my baby. I spent 2 hours on the phone with United last night, and then another 1.5 calling other airlines to find a flight that had availability. Apparently, Delta doesn't have the same information on their website as their phone agents do :-S

Finally, this morning, I demanded a supervisor (and had to go through 4 people and repeat my request!!!) before I got the deal settled. Luckily, it only cost $75 for me to change the flight - but this doesn't include the $85 each way ticket for Baby. So my grand total for this already expensive ticket - going home when I don't particularly feel like seeing the parents or traveling with a young puppy - comes out to $788.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

hi, from pumpkin

2007-12-09T13:22:00.000-08:00

Arf! Its Pumpkin!

Its been 3 weeks since I've come home to Mommy. So far, its been pretty good, although today in particular sucks. Even though Mommy has been home all weekend, I've been stuck in my crate for most of it. I don't understand really what's going on - Mommy blathers on about "kennel time" and "going potty". I just cry and bark in my crate until I get tired of Mommy ignoring me, and every hour or so, I get let out to pee pee on the paper.

On top of that, I had to have my bath today AND get my nails clipped. But I got my revenge. After she cleaned me and my mat, and went into the shower, I poo'd all over the kitchen and rolled around in it. When she came out, smelling like fruit, she said something like "you suck". I'm not sure what that means, but I'm sure I'll get a treat.

I'm adapting well to my new home. At first I was scared, but then I discovered the Alpha female in me. Mommy thinks that she's going to be the pack leader. Right now, I'll let her think so, but wait until I hit my terrible two's! Oh ho! But I think she's very proud of me, because I've learned to be "Quiet", and to "Sit" before I eat or play. I don't quite understand this "Down" thing she keeps saying - all I know is that she drags the treat away from me and tries to push me down onto my elbows.

Sometimes we get to go out for walks around the building, and sometimes she puts me in a little bag and we go out into The World. I can stick my head out, but I can't go much further. I like The World - there's lots of people for me to kiss. I especially like it when people come over to my house and pet me. One time, a bunch of people came over and brought me treats. It was like a big kiss party! But I got tired after like an hour, and fell asleep.

Oh, I'd better get off the computer before Mommy finds me and gets mad. I already hear the "Ehn ehn!" and "Stop it!" coming on...

my friends make me happy

2007-11-17T14:23:00.000-08:00

And nothing makes me happier, especially when I am down or irritated, than reading new entries on my friends' blogs:

Rob: http://rob-style.blogspot.com/
Dustin: http://fakedustin.blogspot.com

I wish they would post more often. So insightful.

countdown to pumpkin

2007-11-15T21:06:00.001-08:00

... only 4 days left!

I'm so excited! I've decided that Pumpkin is ridiculously cute. I can't wait :-) We're going to throw her a Puppy Shower. I've got a Baby Registry and everything.

If you want to get something for the little one, check it out. Everything is $20 or less.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/baby/1WYJNFJJZ9C30

Woof!

i can't help it - i'm in love

2007-11-07T21:38:00.000-08:00

I look at Pumpkin's picture at least 10 times a day, and I can't get over how cute she is. So teeny! Nathan said that all puppies are cute, but he's wrong - Pumpkin is extra cute. Even cat people say so.

I love the expression on her face, so much like my silly-Dindle's. If they end up getting married, they will have the most confused looking hot dogs ever. And her eyes are gorgeous. But its really the nose that does it for me. That little nose - it kills me! I wonder if she can sense that, all the way across the country, there is someone who is already in love with her.

My anxiety has turned into anticipation, especially now that things are starting to fall into place. I figured out what to do with the house to get her situated, and I found an *awesome* pet sitter to take her out during the day when I'm at work. She lives in the building, loves doxies, and is doing it for $10 a day. Excellent! Even more important than the money, I'm happy that Pumpkin will have someone else around who will love her :-)

Not that I'm worried about this little one getting love. I'm sure she's going to be spoiled rotten. Rob is already searching for an A|X doggie sweater for her...

the baby! the baby!

2007-11-02T16:20:00.001-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Pumpkin... the most adorable baby ever! And she's all mine!

Halloween

2007-11-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

Every year, we have a Halloween contest at work. And every year, it seems like the most radical hair-related sacrifices win. But this year - it was over the top. May I present Tim and Stan, our two winners, in their award-winning performance:

blerg. sick. pop tarts.

2007-10-29T19:55:00.000-07:00

Pop tarts are gross - especially ones that have been in vending for gawd knows how long. They are especially gross when you didn't sleep well the night before, despite being exhausted enough the three days before to be napping every 3 hours.

No matter how sick you feel, how much you want them, how much you want to believe in the good of mankind, remember: pop tarts are gross.

delaying motherhood

2007-10-26T17:32:00.000-07:00

So I thought about it long and hard - and followed Janel's advice to sleep on it and go with what my gut tells me. And what my gut tells me is that, as adorable as Vanessa is, I'm not ready for motherhood.

Its not so much because it will affect my life that I'm making this decision, but I don't know if I can take care of a puppy right now, with everything going on. I want to get my sh*t together, get into a more stable routine, save up some money, and spend time to puppy-proof the house. Do some spring cleaning, you know?

I don't want to go on an emotional bender and end up neglecting my baby or something. Basically, I need more time than a week and a half to prepare - mentally, emotionally, financially. Anything less would be unfair to the baby.

So I've decided to wait until after the New Year to look for a puppy. In the meantime, I've already made a list of all the things I need to line up to prepare for having one. It breaks my heart, given how adorable she is, but I think that she deserves a family that can guarantee more stability than I can right now.

will i be a mommy soon?

2007-10-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

No, not like that. Silly - who needs more Serena's in the world! But I've recently decided to get a puppy, and now, things are moving very very fast!

I found a little baby doxie in rescue the other day, and applied for her. Its between me and someone else at this point, and I'll know by next week. In any case, she could be coming as soon as next weekend! OMG! I need to puppy-proof the house, get supplies, buy a playpen, find socialization groups, etc etc.

Am I ready to become a mommy? I'm not 100% sure, but I do know that my heart melted when I first saw her picture. If this one doesn't work out, I'll wait until after the New Year to start looking for another one.

However, as taken aback as I am by the speed of this (you know me, always like to have things planned out, ready and in place), I think its time that I just went with things, no? I think it will be a great way to learn how to be a good parent before actually making a mini-me.

So... I'm just letting fate decide. If I get her, I'm ready. If I don't, I'll wait to look after the New Year, when I'll have saved some more $ and gotten my act together.

Besides, look at that face! Look at those pictures! How can you say no?

Rob Quote of the Day:

Rob: do you have to feed them when they are that small?
Serena: um, yes.
Serena: did you have to eat when you were a baby?

and the spillage begins again

2007-10-22T13:36:00.000-07:00

This morning, I got to work with my neat new haircut, nice ironed dress, on time for once. And I spilled coffee not once, but TWICE, before 10am.

I think that's a higher power telling me that its time to go shopping. After all, my best purchases have resulted from coffee-induced emergency runs to BR.

how i finally feel

2007-10-21T13:00:00.000-07:00

Ever since I committed myself to treating the BPD, I've been subscribed to some blogs of other people with similar experiences. Although I'm lucky beyond belief that I rarely exhibit the more extreme behaviors, its been helpful to see that other people actually think and feel the same way I do. For the longest time, I thought I was just a complete freak. (Well, I am, but not because of this!)

Anyhow, one blogger made a comment that basically summarized the shift in how I view myself and the disorder. She (?) had watched a documentary on BPD, and she said:

The first one isn’t a statistic, really, but I think it really sums up a lot of what it feels like when you are told you have a personality disorder. The second point surprises most people. Everyone’s heard of these other illnesses, but Borderline Disorder is just beginning to be treated as an illness, vs. some sort of manipulative, clingy, messed up behavioral problem that some assholes tend to have. This disorder is real. But it goes un- or mis-diagnosed for years and most of us end up getting worse as a result, and I think we get better IF we are lucky enough to be properly diagnosed, accept it, and choose to manage it.

Yep, that's what I've felt like most of my adult life - like I was some manipulative, clingy asshole, and that I deserved everything bad that happened to me, ranging from the abusive relationships to the loss of friends and boyfriends. Probably doesn't help that as an Asian and a Catholic, I have the guilt sensor built in. Until this week - hence, the coming out. Imagine feeling that way about yourself. No wonder I was so depressed and angry.

I mean, don't get me wrong: I can be a complete bitch. In fact, there are times when I'm ok with that. But the difference is, when I'm being assertive, in-your-face, direct, straightforward, or demanding, I'm doing it because its I'm trying to get what I want, I need to set boundaries with others, or I want to point out to people that I don't like what they're doing. I am in control of it, I consider the consequences of my actions or words, and I make the decision that its worth it. Whereas, when it results from an episode, I feel out of my control, constantly sorry/ashamed/guilty for whatever hurt I inflicted, and sometimes don't even understand what the hell happened.

Anyhow, enough about all this. I got my haircut/colored, shopped at Sephora, and finally am going back to the gym - so I finally feel like a human being again! :-) Hopefully both my life and my thoughts won't be dominated by this "coming out" too much longer, so the posts will be a bit more fun.

the day after

2007-10-17T20:23:00.001-07:00

My emotions have been sort of up and down today - not in its usual roller coaster kind of way, but more of how I feel for having posted my "coming out". I've ranged from being anxious about people at work reading it, to embarassed, to fearful that people hate me, to relieved, to proud.

Now, a good 24 hours after the post, I think that I am glad. There's definitely still the anxiety of being so naked to everyone, but at least I have nothing to hide anymore. And I HATE hiding things. One of the reasons that I'd probably never make a good full-on borderline is because I'm terrible at lying. Its hard to manipulate people when your face gives everything away, or you just can't remember what the hell you're supposed to be saying :-)

Today, though, I finally feel like myself - well, in an interesting way. Its a mix. I was telling N the other day (before I posted it) that for the first time, I realized that I wasn't insane... and that it felt really, really bizarre. I've gotten so used to thinking of myself as mental, different, out of control, whatever, that this whole new identity of NOT hating myself is just so alien. There are entire psych theories based around how people gravitate to patterns that hurt them the most, if only because its the devil you know.

It was actually that feeling of relative normality that spurned me to post yesterday. I've been embroiled in a not very pleasant situation in the last 4 - 5 days, and I have to say, I handled it decently well. Not perfectly - I certainly wasn't calm, and I didn't disengage immediately like a wise person should. But its better then I've done in the past, and hey - when strong feelings are involved, can people really just walk away immediately?

In any case, it suddenly hit me: I'm learning. I *can* moderate my reactions. I *can* move forward. Sometimes its disheartening because its like 2 steps forward and 1 step back. But in the end, I'm still moving forward, right?

the hardest thing i've ever done

2007-10-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

I am about to do quite possibly one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. Some of you will be jolted; others not surprised at all. Some of you will be turned off and judge me; others will say that a lot of things about me suddenly make so much sense. I cannot control the reactions of those of you reading this blog - friend or stranger. I can only put the truth out there about who I am.

I'm coming out of the mental illness closet.

I have never been one to shy away from telling people that I have clinical depression; many of you already know that. To me, that's a bio-chemical imbalance, one I am as responsible for as having diabetes. But this second part is hard, because its not quite so black and white. Even within the mental health community, this diagnosis has a huge stigma associated with it. In fact, even though I was diagnosed with it 10 years ago, I have not, until recently, treated it directly or even communicated it to my mental health providers out of fear that they'll stop seeing me.

I have what's called Emotional Regulation Disorder, or what's commonly known as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and I am finally dealing with it as I should. For years now, I've been treating the co-existing symptoms or issues, such as depression. Now I am confronting this thing, and approaching it holistically for a long-term solution.

ERD is a new term that is being promoted by many top mental health professionals and theorists, because the BPD term carries so much stigma and is also quite misleading. No, I am not bipolar (a.k.a. manic-depressive). I just have a really difficult time controlling or stabilizing my emotional state. I'll use the terms "ERD" and "BPD" interchangeably in this post.

Read more about the history of the term to understand where it came from.

What is ERD/BPD?
ERD is characterized by the following:

1. poorly regulated and excessive emotional responses;
2. harmful impulsive actions;
3. distorted perceptions and impaired reasoning; and
4. markedly disturbed relationships.

In the world of ERD/BPD, as defined by the DSM-IV, I am a fairly mild case - I've never self-mutilated, entertained or attempted suicide, or experienced the stress-related psychosis. And in the years since I was first diagnosed, I've worked hard to establish my identity, my boundaries, control my depression, and curb my self-destructive behavior (although I'm sure most of you have seen me go on a bender with the drinking).

But the unstable, wild mood swings; the out of control anger; the black-and-white thinking; the disproportional reactions - and most of all, the intense, unstable, unpredictable relationships, with both friends AND boyfriends - those are the things that I struggle with on a day to day basis. Recently, I've realized that I'm also hypersensitive, when it comes to what people think about me. For those of you who know me, you'd probably agree that those issues describe me to a T.

Where Does It Come From?
No one really knows definitively why BPD manifests, particularly in women. There are gads of theories. But most mental health professionals concur that its usually the unfortunate combination of genetic predisposition, bio-chemical imbalance, and a not-quite-wonderful childhood environment. Many borderlines were abused as children, and its likely that their parents were abusive because they themselves have mental disturbances.

For me, I just happened to have gotten that unpleasant mix - thankfully minus the abusive childhood (mine was neglect). Depression and suicide run strongly in my family: three members of my family attempted suicide multiple times; one succeeded at the age of 17, two tried during my lifetime. We already know that I've got this weird bio-chemical imbalance that cause me to alternately be depressed and agitated, and that my frustration threshold is particularly low. Added to that the abandonment of my biological father (a.k.a. sperm donor), my mother's own depression while I was growing up, and basically being isolated from social peers until the age of 14, and there you have it.

Now, I want to make one note about my mom: She did the best she could. Here was this young woman, immigrating to the US with child and mother in tow, barely speaking English. She worked her ass off to help us scrape by and put me into college, she was exhausted to the bone when she came home at night. She had always been the strong one in the family - the one who took care of everyone else - yet here she was, alone, divorced in a time when it wasn't so common, slaving away as a secretary when she had a law degree - with no solid emotional support. I cannot say that the emotional neglect caused by her long hours and her depression is not a big factor in my condition, but I can't resent or blame her. I love her, I respect her, and I'll live with the cards that I was dealt.

Pretending to be Normal
As I mentioned above, on a scale of 1 to 10, I'm a 1, maybe 2, with regards to the severity of my symptoms. I'm high functioning, hold a great job, have good friends, etc etc. But BPD is a very extreme disorder, so while compared to most others diagnosed with this, I'm lucky - compared to most people, my reactions, moods, etc are totally out in orbit.

You may be wondering why I am choosing to "out" myself about this - especially knowing the stigma of this disorder and mental illness in general. I guess I'm just tired of pretending to be "normal" but feeling otherwise. I have a hard time controlling my reactions and my emotions, and I feel like I am constantly making excuses or apologizing for them. Everyone who interacts with me enough will know that there's something not quite right about me, but I feel that by trying to pass each incident off as being situational is a lie.

Every day, its a struggle. The intensity of the emotions are painful in themselves - depression, anger, anxiety. I spent years living in fear of myself - I saw myself as a ticking emotional time bomb, that could go off any second, without warning. I became a control freak, trying to suppress how I felt, control my environment and the people around me so that they would not set me off; I feared intimacy, afraid that once people got to know me, they'd realize that I'm actually out of control. Intellectually, I know that I'm a smart, strong woman, who has survived a lot of shit in my life, including a physically abusive relationship. Yet every time I dissolve into tears at the slightest provocation, I felt weak, stupid, crazy.

I've lost so many people and relationships that have been and still are important to me. I'm not just talking about boyfriends, but about close friends - people that I've pushed away and thrown away with my unpredictable behavior, judgemental attitude, emotional outbursts. To this day, I regret losing so many friendships, but two in particular - K and M, who I still miss, who I know I'll never get back because of what I did and said.

My romantic relationships usually don't last more than a few months, and are intense and painful. When I say that it takes a lot for me to date someone, I'm not trying to be coy - these trigger my insecurities and fears more than anything, to the point that I live in a constant state of anxiety when I'm in a relationship. What I am most regretful about, though, is that my whole life, all I've ever wanted was a family of my own. Kids, dogs, minivan, you name it. But here I am, 31 years old, no potential for a stable relationship anytime soon. And even if I were to meet the greatest, most patient guy out there, how could I responsibly have children, when I could treat them this way and damage them?

But I choose to come out now, today, because I'm also tired of letting this own me. I AM normal - well, as normal as someone who listens to Britney can be :-) - and I've realized in the last couple of days that, just because my reactions are out of whack does NOT mean I'm an emotional retard or crazy. I may react differently, but I'm still pretty strong, pretty wise, and actually quite mature and fair. I accept responsibility for my actions, and I don't hold grudges against people just because they make a mistake.

I've lived in fear of myself and this disorder for so long, that I've felt hopeless about ever making it go away. I've felt that I was crazy, that I was a bad person and deserved having this, that its my fault, and that I needed to conquer it before I could really start to live my life. Well, I'm tired of feeling defective. The truth is, I can't wait to be "fixed" to start my life. This is a part of me - one I certainly am learning to get under control - but even when I master those skills, there will still be that internal tug of war. And to be frank, I've felt like by having this "secret", that I was giving myself an excuse. That I could say, well, if only they knew that I had this, they would understand... blah blah blah. I don't want that excuse. I want to be judged just like everyone else - on the basis of my actions and attitude, intelligence and intent.

So What Now?
Am I asking for people to forgive me and excuse me because of my condition? NO. It may not be my fault that I have it, but I completely accept responsible for what I do, regardless of what its driven by. Its a reason, a root cause, that may help make more sense of things, and maybe help ease some pain by letting those of you that I've hurt know that it wasn't you.

Do I want your pity? Hell NO. If you've met me, you know that I'm not a fan of the helpless, eyelash-batting type, and I certainly don't want you to look at me like I'm some fragile little damsel that can't take anything. *Gag*

What I am hoping for is my friends knowing that sometimes, things aren't as easy for me as other people, that I just happen to face different challenges. And maybe a little bit of patience from you guys, as I'm still in a learning process and its not going to happen overnight.

Besides, the damn feminist/activist in me is saying that the more ashamed of it I am, the more its going to control my life. Yeah, its a scary sounding disorder, but I'm hardly Madame Fatal Attraction here. Most of you reading this know me to some degree. I might be overly emotional, but I'm certainly not psychotic. There are ERDs out there who are intelligent, personable, and trying to do the right thing. By being afraid of people finding out, because I fear that they'll think I'm a complete psycho, it just feeds into the stigma that borderlines are all violent, insane, destructive and manipulative, and it makes me feel that I am that way. Besides, I'm not a fan of stereotypes, and I certainly like to shake up peoples' expectations ;-)

Next Steps: Learning to Control It
Speaking of learning, another reason I chose to tell everyone is because I want you to know that I'm working on it. As I said, when I portray it as situational, it almost feels like I'm not taking responsibility for it. I'm pretty proud of the improvements that I've made, even in the short period of time, and the fact that I'm doing something about it.

For the last 6 weeks, I've been working with my MD to get the right combination of meds to help me regulate my mood. I am also doing individual therapy to help better understand my triggers, and participating in a Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills class. DBT, in particular, I am excited about, since it is targeted towards practical skills on mindfulness, regulating emotions, controlling impulses and reactions, and learning how to tolerate frustration. Sometimes I think those skills could be useful to just about everyone.

So, I'm not just sitting around feeling sorry for myself, boo-hoo, poor me. I admit, I did that for about a month. But I was starting to feel like Meredith from Grey's Anatomy, and as hot as McDreamy is, I so do not want to be her.

So here it is: who I am, what I have, why I've done things, what I'm doing now. I sincerely hope that people close to me will not judge me or think worse of me because of it - after all, I'm still the same funny, sweet, violent, angry flower that I always have been :-) But I knew when I chose to put this up that some people may be turned off by it.

The only request that I make is that, if you work with me and/or know people that work with me, PLEASE respect me professionally and do not circulate this to others at work. Personal is one thing, but career perception is quite another. Outside of that, I can only cross fingers that I'm right in who I consider to be my true friends are, and you'll stick around.

More Information:

its britney, bitch.

2007-09-20T15:13:00.001-07:00

tanpopo!

2007-09-19T22:41:00.000-07:00

I've decided that Tanpopo is my new favorite place for ramen. Iroha has good broth, but soggy-ish noodles. Zaru (?) has great noodles with not-so-great broth. Tanpopo has both - as well as a huge variety of combinations AND a bright, cheery atmosphere that reminds me of Taiwan.

Nathan and I half-stumbled upon it in our quest for ramen soup tonight (brrrr... its FREEZING today!). Even though I just dropped like $136 at Ranch99 and swore up and down that I would cook more, I'm still glad that I've discovered this gem. Besides, what a great name :-)

mmm... pork chops

2007-09-17T22:27:00.000-07:00

I had a hankering for pork chops today, so I dragged n16 out to Chow with me.

You know how sometimes you have a craving, and you find something that's not quite perfect, but does the job? Chow's pork chops were perfection. Not too dry at all, great smoky flavor - for the bargain price of $13.95 for two! So its really like $7 a meal. (Yeah, my Chinese came out there.)

On a less happy note, my TMJ came back with a vengeance this weekend. Its finally calmed down some, but I had to put in an emergency call to Corey. Luckily, I found out that acupuncture is finally covered by insurance, so I can start going back to see Michelle soon.

apologies to my ex-roommates

2007-09-14T00:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know if my neighbor is having really good sex (loudly) or watching a lot of porn (loudly), but apparently she's having a lot of fun (loudly). Tonight's the second time that the screaming and moaning actually woke me up from a dead sleep.

Actually, I'm starting to wonder if she just got a new vibrator or something. I don't hear a peep of a partner.

why i've missed rob

2007-09-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

Serena: i check my spam folder every so often, just in case something accidentally gets routed there
Serena: i haave a message for "new and improved megadik penis enlargement"
Rob: i get those all the time
Rob: my penis is so big now i dont know what to do
Serena: ew
Serena: gross
Rob: hehe

that seriously, er, sucks.

2007-08-21T13:30:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Yahoo News:

British dwarf's penis gets stuck to hoover

As Nathan said, "You just can't make that shit up."

my newest obsession...

2007-08-16T13:49:00.000-07:00

... is a reality show!

But not one with catty personalities, in your face comments, or wannabe's with no talent. Rather, its So You Think You Can Dance - where not only are the dances/choreographers spectacular, but the contestants actually amazingly talented.

Its coming up on the last week, so soon there will be no more. *Sniffle* I have to admit that I've been all over YouTube trying to find clips of dances that I missed, and even wondering if they'll put out a DVD of previous seasons. It hasn't quite been the same since Pasha, the love of my life, got eliminated, but its still fun.

Its also inspired me to start dancing again - Jazz starts this Saturday! And yes, I'm definitely going to see the tour when it comes around.

freaking awesome!

2007-08-15T16:59:00.000-07:00

http://www.sanrio.com/credit_card/

No, I'm not kidding. If it wasn't for the fact that I have enough cards, I'd totally get one.

mommy in the news

2007-08-14T14:09:00.000-07:00

Don't worry, I can't read it either. But thought I'd post the original article on my mother in SinoVision from this Monday's edition.

Mommy was pretty, wasn't she? :-)

*~*~*~*

1980年，她怀着心灵的伤痛，只身携带三岁的幼女移民美国。她凭着坚强的意志和厚实的才华，一步一步实现自己的理想。在孤独的路途中，她遇到了一个善良温厚的美国男人。他用自己有力的臂膀，护拥着自己的中国爱人，一同编织美好的未来—

今生最美是晚晴

—访Dan Preston俞少华夫妇

　采访俞少华，预约了几次，都没有约到她。因为近期移民法不断改革，她作为纽泽西律师楼的移民部主任，自然是忙得不可开交。可是我没有放弃这个采访，直觉告诉我，她和她丈夫，是很值得一访的夫妇。于是，我又一次和她约定访问。

　　我们约在一个黄昏见面，到她的办公室。终于，在洒满夕阳的会客室里，我见到了高大和善的Dan Preston，还有面带幸福笑容的俞少华。他们带着感情，在诉说他们的故事，我带着感动，在倾听他们的故事……

海峡那边有至亲

　　俞少华的老家在浙江黄岩。她的父亲是当年黄埔军校的一员，抗战末期，她父亲奉命调职台湾，成为当年由国民党执政的警察大队副队长。

　　俞少华有两位母亲，一位是父亲在黄岩乡下的原配夫人，一位就是她的亲生母亲。她的生母是一位美术老师，与父亲相识后心有灵犀，结为夫妇。在俞少华还没有出生之前，她的父亲与原配生有一个三代单传的儿子，与她的生母生有一个女儿。

　　俞父调职台湾后，日夜思念在大陆的妻儿，频频发电报回大陆催他们过来团聚，可是俞少华的祖母为了让儿子惦记着大陆的亲情，早日完成任务回大陆和亲人团聚，把俞少华的大妈妈以及俞少华的同胞姐姐留在了黄岩，只让她的生母带着同父异母的哥哥奔赴台湾。

　　俞父到了台湾后公务繁忙，顾不上家事，甚至连临盆的妻子都无法照顾。1947年，在一个战火纷飞的夜晚，俞少华的母亲在医院生下了她。

　　俞少华呱呱坠地了，在她出生的啼哭里，就带有很多的委屈，也伴随着许多孤独，因为父亲和姐姐都不在身边。而且，她至今都没有见过她的姐姐。

　　四十年之后，海峡的另一边传来了消息。俞少华的大妈妈后来因为生活所迫改了嫁，她的同胞姐姐也被送了人，在十五、六岁时嫁给了一个贫穷的农民，之后就没有音讯了。

眷恋诗情与画意

　　因为父亲的身份，俞少华一生下来就过着富裕的生活，她的童年是美好的。但是，人生无常。俞少华少女时代，俞父在政界纷争中陷于落败之境，家道中落，俞少华举家从花园洋房搬到了简陋的政府宿舍。

　　雪上加霜，俞父在此时又染上了肺疾，家中一时陷入了贫困。可是，在善良的母亲培育下，俞少华和妹妹读书勤奋，品学兼优，多愁善感的俞少华更是文静乖巧。

　　与其说文静不如说是沉默，俞少华尽管年少，但是家庭经历让她不爱合群，总是独自站在一旁看同龄人嬉戏。她惟一的寄托，就是古诗词和绘画。在台湾第一女中就读时，俞少华的国文成绩是一流的，常常让老师欣喜。古典文学更是俞少华的最爱，唐诗宋词她可以信口背诵。

　　她喜欢古诗，古诗可以带她一道游历她没有去过的大陆，游历中国文化。俞少华还有极高的绘画天赋，这来自遗传。俞少华的外祖父是宁波知名的画家和书法家，其母亲婚前婚后都一直是美术教师。

　　少女时代的俞少华，就这样和诗情画意为伴，以致于她在别人眼里，除了内秀，还具有诗情画意一般美丽的外表。

历练华美成大业

　　因为俞少华得天独厚的文学功底，加上她很用功苦读，因此她在读大学时每年都考得第一名。1969年，俞少华又以第一名的成绩，毕业于辅仁大学法律系。

　　毕业后，俞少华被法学院院长留任助教，并担任院长秘书一职。在别人看来，这是一份很好的工作。但是这份工作薪水微薄，而俞少华的父亲病重需要钱来医治。为了改变家庭经济状况，俞少华担当起责任，辞掉大学工作去挣钱，先后去过两家公司任职。

　　1972年，俞少华以优异的成绩考入了华美建设公司。华美是当时台湾第一家建造高层建筑的公司，人人都梦想进入那里工作，而俞少华则力排竞争者，赢得了这个机会。俞少华是个懂得珍惜的人，进入美华之后，她积极认真地工作，有一股拼命三郎的精神，公司的董事长非常赏识她。

　　在俞少华28岁那年，她荣升为总管理处副处长。俞少华上头没有处长，因为她年轻，董事长在处长前面加了个“副”字，让她继续历练，但是她享受的是正处的待遇，这在25年前的台湾，不是一件寻常的事，曾经轰动一时，大家都很钦佩这位年轻的“副座”。

　　凭借公司上层的信任，俞少华周旋于十四家公司的总经理及高层之间，工作开展得很好，如鱼得水。由于业务需要，她经常远赴日本、韩国、香港、美国出差，所到之处人人都把她当作贵宾一样，俞少华以事业的成功赢得了别人的敬重。

携幼女闯荡美国

　　俞少华的事业是成功的，但是上天并没有让她的人生完美，也许上天认为，她还应该经历更多的磨难。

　　28岁那年，是俞少华的事业巅峰期，也是她人生不幸的开始。那一年，她结婚了，嫁给了一个她不了解的男人，结婚才两个月，婚姻就触礁了。俞少华是一个自尊的女人，矛盾发生不久，她就怀着孩子离开了原本以为会给她带来幸福的婚姻。

　　1976年，俞父病故，怀有身孕的俞少华悲痛欲绝。有死亡就有新生，同年九月，俞少华的女儿宝贝（小名）降生了。在医院里，俞少华独自一人面对孩子的降临，心里的痛，比阵痛的痛，更加强烈。好在她那善解人意的母亲，一直在陪伴她，让她在巨痛之后略有安慰。

　　俞少华坚强地面对生活，独自抚养幼女，但是心灵的伤痛，还是无法消逝，因为还需要很多的时间。她心灰意冷时，产生了一个强烈的念头：离开台湾这片伤心之地。

　　1980年，俞少华告别了亲朋好友，告别了不舍得她离开的美华上下级的员工，携带三岁的幼女，和母亲一起提着简单的行李，来到了美国洛杉机。

　　1982年，俞少华凭着自己的法律系毕业资历，找到了来美国后的第一份工作，担任一家律师事务所的法律助理，生活渐渐有所安稳。

　　似乎动荡，总是和俞少华不离不弃，刚刚安稳不久，生活又开始发生变故。俞少华在新泽西的妹妹病了，需要母亲照顾，俞少华为了妹妹不得不辞掉工作，和母亲一起来到新泽西州。临离开洛杉机前，俞少华发出了一批求职信，幸运地得到了几个面试的机会。

　　她选择了纽约中国城的一家律师事务所。俞少华依旧是那样勤奋、努力，工作很出色，又一次赢得老板的赏识。但是，她在生活中面临的困难更多了。她每天早出晚归在新泽西和纽约之间，来回要经历三个多小时的汽车、火车颠簸，很劳累。再者没有父亲的女儿又成天见不到母亲，很不快乐。

　　最痛苦的是大雪纷飞的冬天。俞少华艰难地行走在雪地里时，身体是疲惫的，内心是孤独的，还带着对女儿的愧疚。当大雪大雨飘在她的脸上时，她分不清是雨水还是泪水。

亲和精干的律师

　　朋友们很佩服俞少华，也很同情俞少华，都希望她结束这种身心疲惫的日子。一天，一个朋友告诉她，应该在新泽西找工作，并拿出了一份中文报纸，说Piscataway有一家美国人开的律师楼在刊登广告。俞少华决定去试试。

　　1987年2月，俞少华带着履历表，毛遂自荐敲开了纽泽西律师楼的大门。当时的律师楼有22位律师、50多名员工。老板鲁彬很有远见，认为新泽西会有越来越多的中国人移民，应该在新泽西聘请中国籍律师。有了中国籍律师为华人服务，华人办理移民就不需要远道跑到纽约去了，在新泽西就可以避免语言障碍。

　　俞少华的履历和老板的远见，让俞少华在新泽西拥有了一份喜欢的工作。这一干就干到了今天，有整整20年了。如今，她已经是纽泽西律师楼的移民部主任。

　　这20年间，移民法变化很大，法律及申请方式也一改再改，工作量很大。律师工作很辛苦，也富有挑战性，还常常伴随挫败。但是多年以来，俞少华认真对待每一个案子，遇到很难的案子时，也很想放弃，但是她没有这样做。她想，客人将自己以及家人的命运放到了自己的手上，把希望放到了自己的手上，不可以轻易让他们失望。就这样，她帮助很多的中国人实现了自己的愿望。

　　作为律师，俞少华是成功的，但是作为母亲，俞少华觉得自己是失败的。

迟来爱情更醇美

　　她的女儿宝贝，在不知不觉中长大了。在她成长的过程中，她面对的母亲，总是日夜埋头工作，没有时间陪她一起玩，她的年龄让她无法理解母亲这样做，全是为了她。她的抚养费读书费，只有母亲一个人承担啊！

　　在13岁到15岁之间，宝贝在她和母亲之间高高筑起了一道墙：她拒绝和母亲交流。幸运的是，宝贝和母亲一样聪慧，一样杰出，她赢得了13次辩论比赛的桂冠，顺利进入常春藤大学——宾州大学。毕业后，宝贝被旧金山一家电脑公司网罗，到那里去工作了。

　　宝贝也早已拆掉和母亲之间的墙，和母亲相亲相爱至今。学会爱别人，一定是被爱自己的人感动了。点醒宝贝的“引路人”，就是她的美国父亲Dan Preston。

　　在宝贝封闭自己的孤独的日子里，是Dan Preston，用语言开导了她，用父爱感动了她。在宝贝心里，Dan Preston是世界上最好的父亲。

　　Dan Preston，就是俞少华现在的丈夫。

　　Dan Preston 的老板是俞少华的客户兼朋友。于是1994年，俞少华认识了待人真诚的富有爱心的 Dan Preston。Dan Preston是美国人，可一直在为一家台湾公司工作，接触了很多的中国人，对中国人很有好感。他是一个精密机械的销售经理，感情很细腻，他感觉到自己和俞少华有很多共同点，都需要关爱。

　　和俞少华更近似的，是Dan Preston也是一位单身父亲，带着一位和宝贝年龄相仿的女儿。共同的不幸让他们走近了，他们都很珍惜这份迟来的爱情，最后走向了结婚的殿堂。

满山秋色作厚礼

　　认识Dan之后的第一个生日，令俞少华至今难忘。那一天，Dan送给了俞少华一份特殊的生日礼物：带她到麻省看红叶。

　　红叶的美丽和壮观，让俞少华忘掉了从前的不幸，在心里许下承诺，要珍惜未来的生活。这一天，她露出了和从前一样美丽的笑容，又开始充满诗情画意。她告诉Dan，中国人在诗词里是这样来形容眼前的景色的，那就是：满山秋色。

　　细心的Dan记住了俞少华的每一句话。旅行回家，他请一位中国书法家写了一幅字“满山秋色”。当他把这幅字送给俞少华时，俞少华被深深感动了。她深知，Dan就是自己等待了很久的缘份。

有爱就会有惊喜

　　在与Dan生活的日子里，俞少华常常有很多的惊喜，那都是丈夫为她制造的。

　　Dan知道妻子是一位喜欢水的人，因为每次看到水，妻子都会很高兴。于是，在俞少华50岁生日时，Dan带上她去纽约北部的旖色佳，一天观赏了15个瀑布。

　　那时正好是2月，冰天雪地的，瀑布都结成了冰帘，非常美丽壮观。而俞少华的内心，却被爱融化了，犹如一潭温泉一般。

　　俞少华爱好绘画，也喜欢欣赏画。Dan非常支持妻子的爱好，不时还弄一些画回来送给妻子。妻子每一个欢喜的笑容，都会给Dan带来快乐。

　　Dan的老家在宾州，他按照中国人“落叶归根”的心态，在宾州买了一套房子，准备等俞少华退休后到那里去住。俞少华给这套房子起了一个中国名字：晚晴居。从这三个字中，就可以想象，他们的晚年，一定会很晴朗，很快乐。

我的心理学硕士

　　在俞少华眼里，Dan是善良的，就是对待小动物，他都会小心翼翼的，很认真。他常常去喂动物，和动物说话，他认为它们是听得懂的。Dan认为，交流可以给人带来快乐，也可以为人消除烦恼。

　　以前，俞少华没有时间去关注小动物，和Dan在一起后，在他的感染下，她开始关注他喜欢的一切，还帮Dan一起养狗。他们的家里有两条狗，是朋友送的礼物，从来不养狗的俞少华，为了丈夫的喜好，精心喂养它们。俞少华说，Dan还是一个半职牧师，常常在业余时间为大家做事情，他乐在其中。

　　Dan尽管做了很多年的精密仪器销售工作，但是爱好却很不沾边，他喜欢做心理咨询工作。俞少华深知丈夫的心，也支持他去圆自己的梦。在妻子的支持下，Dan苦读三年，终于在今年六月获得了心理学硕士学位。

　　在丈夫的毕业典礼上，俞少华比Dan还要快乐，她为自己的丈夫感到自豪。

　　Dan Preston和妻子俞少华对未来的生活有着很多美好的设想。他会在做心理咨询师之余，陪伴妻子画画、写作、旅游。她会在闲暇的时光里陪伴丈夫做他最喜欢的事。他们还有一个共同的愿望，那就是：将来，等他们离开人世之后，要一起埋在教会的玫瑰花下，永远地长久地陪伴在一起，为活着的人们祈祷平安，祈祷幸福。

（本文图片除署名外均为俞少华提供。）

Dan Preston和俞少华相识至今，一直互相支持相亲相爱。

俞少华有着很强的事业心，28岁就当上了台湾华美建设公司的副座，管理四名经理和五十多名员工。图为俞少华在台湾日月潭渡假。

1980年，俞少华携带女儿到美国创业。

20年如一日，俞少华在新泽西律师楼努力工作，如今她是移民部主任。

Dan Preston与俞少华有情人终成眷属。图为他们在婚礼上接受亲朋的祝福。

在妻子的支持下，Dan Preston开始攻读喜爱的心理学，并于今年6月取得了心理学硕士学位。图为俞少华与亲朋一道参加Dan Preston的毕业典礼。

*~*~*~*
Here's a poorly translated version, courtesy of Google Language Tools. Difficult to read, but you get the gist.

In 1980, she was cherishing the mind grief, solitarily carried three year-old young girl to immigrate US. She by reason of the strong will and the thick talent, gradually realizes own ideal. In the lonely journey, she has run into a good good-natured American man. He uses the oneself powerful arm, protects is supporting own Chinese spouse, will weave the glorious future together □

This life is the most beautiful Opportunity

Dan Preston's visit to the couple Shirley

An interview with Yu Shao Hua, booking a few, nobody around her. Because of recent immigration law reform, she was a New Jersey lawyer for the Immigration Department director, naturally, is overburdened. But I did not give up this interview, intuition told me that she and her husband, is worth a visit to the couple. Therefore, I once again and she agreed to visit.

　　We approximately meet in a dusk, to hers office. Finally, in sprinkles the full setting sun in the reception room, I saw big genial Dan Preston, but also has the belt happy smiling face Yu Shaohua. They are bringing the sentiment, was relating their story, I am bringing the move, is listening attentively to their story... ...

Across the side loved ones

　　 Yu Shaohua native place in Zhejiang Hwangyen. Her father was same year Huangpu Military Academy's, the Sino-Japanese War last stage, her father followed orders is transferred to another post Taiwan, became same year the police production brigade deputy team chief which was in power by Kuomintang.

Yu Shaohua has two mother, is the father in Hwangyen countryside first wife madame, is her one's own mother. Her birth mother is a fine arts teacher, is acquainted with one another the back of the body with the father to have cleverness, ties for husbands and wives. Does not have before the birth in Yu Shaohua, her father and the first wife lives the son which has three generation of sole lines of descent, lives with hers birth mother has a daughter.

　　After the Yu father is transferred to another post Taiwan, day and night misses in mainland 妻儿, repeatedly sends the telegram to return to the mainland to urge them to come the reunion, but Yu Shaohua grandmother in order to let the son keep thinking about the mainland dear ones, soon will complete the task to return to the mainland and the family member reunites, has kept Aunt Yu Shaohua as well as the Yu Shaohua full elder sister Hwangyen, will only let her the birth mother bring to rush toward Taiwan with father different mother's elder brother.

　　After Yu Fudao the Taiwan official business has been busy, is too busy to think of the family work, even the company is in labor the wives all are unable to look after. In 1947, the night which fluttered about in flames of war, the Yu Shaohua mother has given birth to her in the hospital.

　　 Shirley already come into the world, she was born in the crying, a lot of it with the wronged, is accompanied by many lonely because his father and sister were not in the side. Furthermore, she has not seen her sister.

　　After 40 years, both sides came on the other side of the news. Shirleythe mother, because the life force changed marry her compatriots are sent to a sister who, in 15 or 16 married to a poor peasants, and then a silence.

Love Poetry and Painting

　　 Because of his father's status, Shirleydown on the life lived a comfortable life, her childhood was beautiful. However, the impermanence of life. Shirleygirls era, Yu's father in the political strife into new territory lost, fortunes, Shirleyaway from the house, with gardens moved to the shabby government quarters.

　　Another, Yu father at this time also became a Likefeiji home 1:00 into poverty. However, in the kind of nurturing mother, and sister Shirleystudy hard, excellent, the sentimental Shirleyis quiet unobtrusive.

　　Not so much quiet as it is silent, Yu Shao Hua, though young, but family experience so she did not like teamwork, always alone on the wings to see peer play. Her only sustenance, is the ancient poetry and painting. Among them the first in Taiwan studying at the Chinese Shirleyresults is a first-class, the teacher often gratifying. Classical literature is the favorite Yu Shao Hua, Tang and Song dynasties letter mouth she can recite.

　　She likes classical ancient one can take her travels she has not been to the mainland, Chinese culture abroad. Shirleyalso highly gifted painting, from genetic. ShirleyNingbo is the maternal grandfather of the famous calligrapher and painter, her mother before and after marriage has been art teachers.

　　 Girls Shirley times, it is so captivated and as partners, which in the eyes of her people, in addition to honors, also has captivated the general attractive appearance.

Experience in China and the United States deeds

　　 Because Shirleyunique literary knowledge, coupled with her very hard studying at university in her annual examination in the first. In 1969, through the first Shirleyachievements and graduated from Fu Jen Catholic University Faculty of Law.

　　After graduation, he was president of the Law School Shirleyoffice assistant, and served as president of a secretary level. In others, this is a very good job. But this job salaries meager, and the father of a seriously ill Shirleyneed money to heal. In order to change the economic situation of families, Shirleyassume responsibility quit university to earn money, the two companies have been served.

　　 In 1972, Shirleyoutstanding achievements China and the United States entered a construction company. China and the United States was Taiwan's first high-rise building construction company, entered the dream of everyone working there, and then Shirleyefforts to eliminate competitors and won this opportunity. Shirleyis aware of the value of a person to enter the United States and China, she positively and seriously to work with the spirit of a workaholic, the company's chairman very appreciated her.

　　In Shirley 28 years old, she was promoted to the post of Chief Deputy Director of Management. Shirleynot credited Commissioner, as her young, the chairman in front of the Commissioner added a "vice" and let her continue to experience, but she is enjoying the treatment, which 25 years ago in Taiwan, is not an unusual thing, the infamous, we all admire the young " Watergate. "

　　 With the top of the trust company, Shirleydealings in 14 companies between the general manager and senior, is developing very well, like a duck to water. Due to business needs, she often went to Japan, Korea, Hong Kong, the United States mission, she went all regarded as a VIP, Shirleyto the success won the respect of others.

Carrying his young daughter to travel to the United States

　　 Shirleyis a great success, but God did not give her the perfect life, perhaps God that she should also experienced more hardships.

　　 28 years old, is the cause Shirleycrested, her life is unfortunate start. That year, she married, married to a man she did not understand, married only two months, marriage on the rocks. Shirleyis a self-esteem of women, contradictions occur soon, she would leave the child with a thought that will give her a happy marriage.

　　 In 1976, Father Yu unwed, pregnant Shirleydistraught. There newborn death in September the same year, Shirleydaughter Baby (nickname) of the Nativity. In the hospital, Shirleyalone in the face of a child who fell, heart pain, the pain of labor pains, more intense. Fortunately, her empathetic mother, has been with her and let her in the throes after a slight consolation.

　　Shirleystrong to face life, raising his young daughter alone, but spiritual pain, or not passed, which also need a lot of time. Her despair, have a strong idea : to leave Taiwan this sad land.

　　 In 1980, Shirleybid farewell to friends and relatives and not willing to say goodbye to her departure from the United States and China on the lower-level employees, carrying three-year-old girl and the mother appears with a simple luggage, came to the United States in Los Angeles.

　　 In 1982, Shirleythrough their own law graduate qualifications, to the United States to find the first job as a law firm's legal assistants, life has gradually stable.

　　It seems turbulent, and always Shirleyfont just stable soon began life changed.Shirleyin New Jersey's sister is sick, the mother needs care, Shirleysister had to quit work, and mothers came together in New Jersey.The former was about to leave Los Angeles, Shirleyissued a number of job application letters, has been fortunate to have a few opportunities for interviews.

　　She chose New York City to a Chinese firm. Shirleystill is so hard, effort, work very well, the boss again won appreciation.However, the life of the difficulties facing increased. She mostly in New Jersey and New York between both going to be more than three hours of cars, trains got very tired. Besides the absence of a father's daughter, a day did not see his mother again, unhappy.

　　Pain is the most snow in winter. Shirleydifficult to walk in the snow, the body is tired, lonely hearts are also with a pair of his daughter's guilt. It was raining heavily when the snow in her face, she is not aware of rain or tears.
　

Pro-and lean lawyers

　　 Friends admire Yu Shao Hua, also sympathize with Yu Shao Hua, want her to end this physical and mental exhaustion of the day. One day, a friend told her, in New Jersey should look for jobs, and to come up with a Chinese newspaper, said Piscataway Americans have opened a law firm in advertising. Shirleydecided to try.

　　In February 1987, with a curriculum vitae Shirley, volunteered knocking at the New Jersey law firm's door. The law firm has 22 lawyers and more than 50 employees. The Final boss is the vision that New Jersey will be more and more Chinese immigrants in New Jersey should employ Chinese lawyers. With Chinese lawyers for the Chinese Service, the Chinese immigration does not need to travel a long way to go to New York, in New Jersey language barriers can be avoided.

　　Shirleythe biographies and the boss of the vision, let Shirleyin New Jersey have a favorite work. The try of today, a full 20 years. Today, she is a lawyer for the New Jersey Department of Immigration Officer.

　　 Of these 20 years, great changes in immigration law, the law and the application methods and over again, the heavy workload. Lawyers working very hard, challenging, often accompanied by setbacks. But over the years, Shirleytake seriously every one case, encountered a very difficult case, want to give up, but she did not do so. She would like to visit, to his and his family's fate into its own hands, and hope into their own hands and not easily let them down. In this way, she helped a lot of the Chinese people to achieve their own aspirations.

　　 As a lawyer, Shirleyis successful, but as a mother, Shirleyfeel is a failure.

Belated love more wonderful

　　Her baby daughter, unwittingly had grown up. In her growth process, the face of her mother, always immersed in the night, there is no time to accompany her to play her age so she could not understand his mother to do so, all to her. Her study of maintenance costs, only a mother bear ah!

　　 In 13 to 15 years of age among the baby between her and her mother built a high wall : she refused and the mother exchange. Fortunately, the baby and mother intelligence, the same outstanding, she won the debate 13 victories to successfully enter the Ivy universities -- the University of Pennsylvania. After graduation, Darling was a computer company in San Francisco recruit, take this opportunity to work.

　　Darling has already removed and the walls between mothers and mothers to love each other so far. Learn to love others, it must be loved their people moved. Baby awaken the "guidance", the United States is her father Dan Preston.

　　The Baby closed their lonely days, Dan Preston, the language taught her, had a moving with her. Baby in mind, Dan Preston is the world's best father.

　　 Dan Preston, is now Shirley husband.

　　 Dan Preston boss is Shirley clients and friends. So in 1994, Shirleyknow treat sincere caring Dan Preston. Dan Preston is the Americans may have been in Taiwan for a company, contact with a lot of Chinese people, the Chinese people the good impression. He is a precision machinery sales manager, who is very delicate and that he felt himself and Shirleyhave a lot in common and need care.

　　 Shirley and more similar, Dan Preston is a single father, with a similar age and baby daughter. Common unfortunately they approached, they treasure this belated love, and finally moving toward a marriage hall.

The way the colors for gift

　　 Dan awareness after the first birthday, Shirley they were unforgettable. That day, Dan Shirleygift for a special birthday gift : take her to see the Red Massachusetts.

　　The biggest beauty and splendor, so Shirleyforget the past, unfortunately, in my heart he promised to cherish life in the future. On this day, and she appeared before the same beautiful smile again has captivated. She told Dan, the Chinese people in the poetry is to describe the immediate scenery, it is : the way the Autumn.

　　Careful Dan Shirleyremember every word. ravel home, he invited a Chinese calligrapher wrote a word "the mountains and the colors." When he gave the site Shirleyword, Shirleywas deeply moved. 她 She is fully aware that Dan is awaiting his fate for a long time.

Love will be pleasantly surprised

　　 Dan lives in the days to come, Shirleyoften have a lot of surprises, it is for her husband manufactured.

　　 Dan knows his wife is a like water, because the water every time, the wife will be very happy. Therefore, in Shirley50-year-old birthday, Dan brought her to New York north of the fluttering of flag color-kai, a day watching 15 waterfalls.

　　At that time happened to be in February, snow, waterfalls have formed an ice curtain, a very beautiful spectacle. Yu Shao Hua and the heart, love was melted, as if a general Tan hot springs.

　　Shirleylove painting, also liked to watch paintings. Dan is the loving support of his wife, also get some pictures sent back his wife. Every wife of a happy smile, it will bring happiness to Dan.

　　 Dan's home in Pennsylvania, according to the Chinese people he "turned" mentality in Pennsylvania to buy a house, preparations Shirleygo there after retirement living. Shirleyto this house with a Chinese name : Opportunity for Habitat. This word, it is conceivable that in their twilight years, will be very clear, very happy.

My master's psychology

　　 In Shirley eyes, Dan is good, is the treatment of small animals, he would carefully and very seriously. He often fed to animals, and animals, who think they could understand. Dan, the exchange can bring people happiness, people can also eliminate troubles.

　　Previously, Shirley no time to concern for small animals, and Dan together, in his infection, she began to pay attention to everything he likes, but also to help Dan with dogs. Their homes have two dogs, is a gift from friends, never dogs Shirley, to her husband's preferences, carefully feeding them. Yu Shaohua said, Dan is a part-time pastor, often in their spare time to do things for you, in which his music.

　　 Dan spite of the many years of precision equipment sales, but not very loving laced, he likes to do psychological consulting work. Shirleyknow her husband's heart and support him to fulfill their dreams. In support of his wife, Dan studying 2003, and finally in June this year received a master's degree in psychology.

　　In her graduation ceremony, Shirleyeven happier than Dan, her own husband to be proud of.

　　 Dan Preston and his wife Shirleyto life in the future have many wonderful vision. He will do psychological consulting division while accompanying his wife painting, writing, travel. She will be leisure time to accompany her husband to do his favorite thing. They also have a common wish, that is : the future, as they leave this world, to work together and buried in the Church of roses, always to accompany to the long-standing together for a prayer alive the peace and happiness of prayer.

P.S. Best reaction ever to the translation: "wow, now I know how they translate the text on those chopstick wrappers".

week 2: indecision

2007-08-12T22:44:00.000-07:00

Warning: I took this week's pictures at night, after a big bowl of ramen soup, so they are slightly terrifying. But I didn't want to forget to take them this week - at the very least, it should keep me from gaining weight.

I always get to this point about this time of the month: two weeks before my period, when bloat overcomes me and I feel like I can't even see my feet. I become frustrated and feel fat; my clothes don't zip well and I just want to gulp down a bottle of Metabolife and call it a day.

Considering that I just made the decision not to aim for a size 4 (eg not dieting) but to trim my fat and be a happy size 6, I'm at a loss. What should I do? To diet or not to diet?

On the one hand, I think my original reasoning is valid: I can't sustain a size 4, even if I get there. I don't want to starve myself or deprive myself of the enjoyments of life, such as good food and alcohol. On the other hand, I have regained a good 8 of the 20 lbs that I lost last year, and at this time of month, even my size 6's feel tight.

*~*~*~*
Week 2 Stats:

Weight: 129.2
Body Fat: 27.3%
Gym: 1 hour body workout on Thurs, Pilates on Sat

Accomplishments:

Started working out with my new "personal trainer" - my friend JK, who has the amazing ability to drag me to the gym, even when I'm about to fall asleep. I'm happy that I pushed him to push me
Went to Pilates and got my ass kicked. Yay!

Things to Improve Upon:

OK, the excessive eating has got to stop (as well as the drinking). Sat night included a Swedish dinner for Rob's graduation that was not only cream-filled, but alcohol-filled. I was so hungover today that I scarfed down Chicken Hash and a Cheddar Cheese biscuit
If I'm going to do Core, I should do Core, not loosely use Core as a template. That was very not good of me this week.

Week 2 Goals:

Gym 3 times: Tues/Thu with JK and Wiggins, and maybe Monday
Start Jazz class at CCSF
Get back on Flex (like to eat too much!) and go to a WW meeting

I think, for now, that I will keep plugging away at the gym and continue eating healthy. Even on maintenance points, I'm still cheating quite a bit. If I set my goal realistically - eg, lower on the size 6 range so that I'm still that size during bloatime, I think I should be ok. So, I guess weight range would be 123-ish when I'm not filled with water, and closer to 128 when I am. Right now, I'm still closer to 128 on a good day.

another reason to stay single

2007-08-06T13:43:00.001-07:00

Remind me to NOT hyphenate my name when I get married...

Although I bet that whoever wrote these articles had a field day.

hello kitty enforces the law

2007-08-06T12:09:00.001-07:00

Nothing makes police officers stay honest like Hello Kitty:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/08/06/thai.hello.kitty.ap/index.html

[Update]: What's even more amusing about this article is that not one, but SIX people have sent this to me today. Hahaha... I guess my HK obsession is well known.

week 1: starting with optimism

2007-08-05T12:57:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm attempting yet again to do the weekly summary of what I did well and didn't do well. It helped a lot last time, so I'm going to use it again as a way to track progress.

So, many changes this week. After feeling overwhelmed for quite some time - regarding my weight and otherwise - I think I've finally gotten myself on an even keel and am ready to tackle my life with grace. I've also set some new goals in regards to my weight and fitness, as I continue to just become more and more self aware.

First and foremost: Not targeting a size 4 anymore. I'll be happy with a size 6, as long as its a healthy, fit 6 and not a flabby, wheeze-climbing-up-the-stairs 6. I'm 31 years old, I don't need to look like I'm 22. I want to aim for something I can comfortably maintain, not be stressed out the rest of my life for just a number. That being said:

Overall Goals:

Size 6
Lose 5% body fat. First checkpoint will be to get to 25%
Weight: Somewhere between 122 and 127 will be good. Weight doesn't matter as much as body fat, since muscle weighs 3 times more than fat
Get healthy! That means taking my multivitamin and calcium, consuming enough fiber, and drinking lots of water
Stay relaxed and have fun!

Stats, Week 1:

Weight: 128.8 lbs
Body Fat: 27.8%
Gym: Elliptical on Thurs, 20 mins

Accomplishments:

Got my life in order! :-)
Found and committed to a therapy group for authentic relationships. This is going to be good, I think, for helping finally relate to women, as well as learning about commitment
Went to the gym

Week 2 Goals:

Get back on Core - going to plan out some menus, eat healthy, go to a meeting
Gym:

Sunday: Elliptical

Tues & Thurs: Weights and some Cardio

Saturday: Pilates

I'm finally back in my groove, and hoping that this time, I can make it stick.

the new love of my life

2007-08-02T22:29:00.000-07:00

Its not just that he's adorable - but man, the way he moves... After watching Pasha do the cha-cha on So You Think You Can Dance, I've been hooked on both him and the show.

Just look at the lines of his body when he dances! Its amazing. Now I remember my passion for Latin dance again... *sigh*.

lunch today

2007-08-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

This is what lunch consisted of today for Ingrid, Rob and James:

Yoinks!

and so it ends: "deathly hallows" review

2007-07-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

Harry Potter, that is.

I'll admit, I wasn't that stoked about the book before it came out. Books 5 and 6 were somewhat disappointing - in trying to capture the darkness that had come over the magical world while simultaneously reminding readers that Harry was a teenager, J.K. Rowling lost her balance, and - dare I say? - the magic that had made Harry Potter so wonderful, so enchanting.

But I knew that the web would be teeming with discussions, spoilers, etc., especially about the ending, since its been such a hot topic of debate for so long. Even days before, I had to consciously avert my eyes from news headlines to avoid being spoiled. So I dutifully went and got the book on Sat am, if for nothing else than to avoid hiding in a cave until I got around to reading it.

And I LOVED it.

"Deathly Hallows" has recaptured the spirit and pluckiness that made HP one of my obsessively favorite readings of all times. Back is the character development, the magical world drawn in such vibrant lines that you can feel yourself transported into it. Little things that seemed to have been abruptly dropped post-Book 4 are unexpectedly revisited - something that had bothered me to no end.

Harry is no longer one-dimensional, accidental, confused, or - let's face it - just plain annoying; his friendship with Hermione and Ron again feel real down to the core, not forced for the sake of being "best friends". You can feel his longing for Ginny as poignantly as your own first love - no longer do the characters seem like they're hooking up because thats what characters are supposed to do at 16.

At the same time, Rowling has drawn a world of terror that mirrors that of the Third Reich so closely, I felt like I was back in my Nazi German history classes. Voldemort is cleverly depicted - not a caricature like he became in 5 and 6, but a clever puppet master that chooses psychological warfare over egomaniacal might. The action is potent throughout the book - but never once, do you forget that the heart of the book, of the series, is Harry's becoming: becoming an adult, becoming a hero.

Its been a while since I've felt Harry was a hero. In the first 4 books, despite the best efforts, Harry always felt like an accidental hero. I agreed with Death Eaters that said that he was lucky, he had great mentors, he had friends, etc. Daniel Radcliffe's wide-eyed wonderment depiction of Harry certainly didn't help, and Books 5 particularly (as I mentioned) made him look just ridiculous. In fact, it inspired one of the funniest laugh-out-loud fanfics I've ever read by Cassie Claire, "A Lot To Be Upset About"

But in Book 7, we see really what makes Harry a hero: its not his abilities, or his destiny. Rather, its the choices that he makes - choices inspired by love.

Harry is so wonderfully portrayed in this book that I fall in love with him all over again. With rumors of his death in the back of my head, the more alive he became with each page, the more I dreaded losing him. I actually started crying at one point in the book. In fact, Rowling even mirrors my own experience as Harry walks towards the inevitable - looking, feeling, smelling everything around him with greater intensity, knowing that it would be the last time.

I won't reveal the ending, although I'm sure my blog post is hardly the first place avid readers will go for a review. But I will say that the ending, while cliche, is perfect. In the hype that has made Harry Potter a worldwide legend, we forget that this started as a children's series, after all.

I don't disagree with critics who say that J.K.'s prose is often clunky, especially towards the end as she tries to wrap everything up and provide the answers that readers have been craving for a decade. Some of the methods she uses are not ones that I would have chosen - or, at the very least, I would have integrated them a bit more subtly. But as a fan, I lapped it up anyhow, my curiosity finally satiated.

But Rowling does also employ one technique that every Buffy fan will love - a fantastic sense of continuity, bringing back subtle scraps of clues that were casually thrown out there throughout the series, and revealing their significance.

As I've mentioned over and over, I did not like Book 5 at all. And while Book 6 redeemed the series, it did not ressurrect my fervent obsession with Harry. But I realized yesterday that, in my apathy, I missed not just clues, but many of the important developments and changes in the wizarding world depicted in those books. Maybe its just because I haven't read them each 20+ times, like I have the other 4. But "Deathly Hallows" has inspired me to reread the entire series again - with special attention to "Order of the Phoenix" and "Half-Blood Prince" - and that is the greatest compliment that I can give to Rowling.

Hats off, to a phenomenal ending. Harry, I'll miss you.

most awesome (and insidious) thing ever

2007-07-14T21:12:00.001-07:00

I finally got my external hard drive today, so I was able to archive some stuff and start shopping for new tunes. And I stumbled across the best thing ever on iTunes...

Greatests hits by year!

I think I just spent a couple of hours cruising down memory lane. Seriously, the folks at Apple are freaking geniuses. I can see tons of people (me included) spending money on music that they'd totally forgotten how much they loved as kids.

Yay iTunes.

johnc made my snoopy poopy!

2007-07-09T17:13:00.001-07:00

Stan came by and drew a Snoopy on my whiteboard the other day.

And what did innocent looking JohnC do?!

!!!!!!!

The devil shirt must be getting to him.

fun with office supplies

2007-07-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

What?! We were bored...

chinese people are weird

2007-07-08T22:07:00.000-07:00

Dood...

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/07/06/largest.loo.ap/index.html

the bunnypad

2007-07-05T22:34:00.001-07:00

Its done! Its done! The house is finally set up and done! I never want to assemble another piece of furniture, unpack another box, or go to Ikea ever again!

After 3+ weeks of misery living with boxes and mess, my apartment is finally a HOME.

I've got a million posts to blog up on, but in the meantime, here are some pics of the BunnyPad.

Nathan hacks up my shower caddy

The kitchen cabinet that we had to build and assemble, for lack of cabinet space.

My favorite thing ever! A kitchen organizer from Container Store, also to make up for lack of cabinet space.

The living room, complete with Grundy in the corner.

The dining area. The table pulls out to twice its size for entertaining.

The fireplace and the rest of the living room.

My little work cubby.

ms. taliaferro visits

2007-06-18T23:11:00.000-07:00

Two days before I was scheduled to move, I get a text message from Lori, that says:

"Flying in on Sunday. Oh wait ur moving that day. Itll be nice to see you though."

Yeah.

As it turned out, Lori's impromptu visit from New York was a lot of fun. I hadn't seen her in years, so it was great to catch up, shop, eat, drink, shop and eat. She helpfully delivered me to and from work every day, since I didn't know the bus routes yet, and even did a striptease for my new neighbors everyday.

Finally, the Sunday before she left, we actually DID something and went up to Sonoma.

After stopping at the Sonoma Visitors Center for our I Heart Sonoma stickers, we headed for our first wine tasting and an quite nice picnic at Ledsen.

My sticker matches my dress!

Ledsen - and the first of many boob grabbing pictures

Ledsen just happened to be having a classic Caddy exhibit, so of course, we had to indulge.

A normal picture!

I've always wanted to be like Tawny Kittaen and climb all over the hood of a car. Unfortunately, it was too hot to lay for more than a sec.

Lori looks elegant

After drinking ourselves into a minor stupor, we headed to Gloria Ferrerer for some sparkling wine, and a lovely view.

... which of course we spoil for everyone else there with our shenanigans.

The Diva

Lori bonds with MiniBun for the last time

After a full day, we head back down south, where we join Emi and Philippe for dinner at Moss Beach Distillery.

The final scandalous picture

My mom calls me the next day and asks: "Honey, is it possible for you to take pictures without sticking out your tongue, or flashing anyone?"

Apparently not.

stan comes out of the closet

2007-06-05T10:05:00.001-07:00

... or the cabinet at least.

Yes, we have a little too much fun at work.

and so it begins... again.

2007-06-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

In the last few years, since I've gained 25 lbs, lost 20, and then gained 10 of them back again, I'd forgotten about the one thing that I loved, loved, LOVED about working out:

The endorphin high.

Even when I did WW (successfully) last year, I did it through moderating my intake of calories, and not so much about getting active. Oh, I had a thousand excuses: my knees hurt, I wanted to ease back into it, I didn't like my gym, my workout wasn't convenient enough. I tried having my own machine at home, workout videos, two gyms, two Pilates studios, three different kinds of yoga, and all sorts of challenges - and none of them worked.

I worked out every once in a while - begrudingly. I knew I had to do it; I felt flabby and fat, and most of all, weak. What happened to the fierce chick that carried a 28" television up three flights of stairs by herself, or who could kick the crud out of a guy twice her age in boxing class? The six pack bikini, the short skirts with boots, the halter tops?

So I trudged on, not once enjoying it. But after my semi-nervous breakdown this last weekend, where I finally got FED UP with myself, my excuses, and my needing the perfect environment, I got my ass in gear and just went.

And now I remember - the endorphin high. The reason why I worked out 7 days a week - not because I wanted to be all muscle, but because it felt GOOD! I've worked out 2 days in a row, and I can't wait until my work out tonight!

I can't maintain a 7 day a week schedule, at least not one out of guilt. But I'm going to ride this excitement for as long as I can - or at least until I get back into a size 4 'kini.

oh, the packing!

2007-06-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

Its been a surprisingly relaxing weekend, considering that the one and only thing that I allowed myself to do is pack, pack and PACK! Gah! I can't believe I'm moving next week. But the more I think about it, the more excited I get. I looooooove my new place!

Pretty much everyone is out of town this weekend, which is probably a good thing, since I have been so distracted by my social life recently. John and Belinda are running a marathon in San Diego, Scott is down in SD as well visiting friends, Johnnie, Philippe and Emi are at Yosemite, and Nathan is out in NY for a wedding. That just leaves little 'ole me and a big-ass pile of boxes.

Its actually been rather cathartic to be alone again. I woke up yesterday am, and found my way to Thinker's for my weekly lox, bagel and capers; then I headed over to get MiniBun a bath, and some additional boxes that I needed. This morning, I plan to head over to Aperto for a solo brunch, and then make a quick run to Office Depot for more supplies before tackling my kitchen.

Even last week, I was mostly good: Tres Agave with Johnnie on Wednesday, and the Irish Bank, followed by Bar Crudo with Rob, Colin and Johnnie on Friday. This ain't nothin' compared to the previous 2 weeks, where I drank for basically 10 days straight.

On top of it all, I'm getting wiser in my packing. I put together a schedule, and have been sticking to it diligently. At the rate I'm going, I might be 90% packed up this weekend, which will allow me to have a normal week, and most importantly, NOT STRESS OUT!

[Progress Report, 5:10 pm] I'm done with the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom and my room (minus clothes), and I'm so sick of packing! Bleh. I've gotten at least 80% of packing done so far, and yet, it doesn't feel like I've accomplished much. Must be because there are little miscellaneous bits everywhere, and things are still mostly a mess.

But I posted this to pat myself on the back. Usually I'm packing the night before, if not the morning, of the move - this time, I'm a good week ahead. I should still organize what remains to be done, though, so I don't end up going out all week and pulling an all-nighter in the end.

coffee scented perfume?

2007-06-01T08:29:00.000-07:00

My ability to spill coffee on myself - right down the front of my shirt - is becoming legendary.

On Wed, I was running late in the morning due to traffic, so called into a conference call from my cell phone. As I was heading in to the door, with my phone on my shoulder and loaded with bags, I managed to pour coffee down the entire front of my sweater! My aim was dead-on, too, as it went straight for the spot between my bra.

Thankfully I did have another bra and my gym shirt at my desk, so here I am, in the women's bathroom, frantically cleaning myself up while still on this con call. I'm standing in my bra (unhooked) and pants, wiping myself with paper towels and soap, praying that no one walks in while I have the call on speakerphone and try not to act like anything was wrong.

There was an emergency BR trip that day.

This morning, I even actively thought about how NOT spill coffee on myself, when after putting in my milk and sweetner, I manage to get it down the front of my sweater and my pants. This time, I neglected to put the lid on right.

I should just find coffee-scented perfume so no one notices when I do this :-P

the big, bad thing that happened

2007-05-24T21:37:00.000-07:00

I didn't mean to be gone for so long. At first, it was fatigue. Then wedding vacation in early May. But the really big distractor was The Big Bad Thing that happened to me the night I got back from vacation. I was in a taqueria in the Mission District, and I got assaulted by this teenage girl. Seriously assaulted - like punched several times in the nose, bleeding all over myself, police report, everything.

I was super shaken up about it, as you can imagine. There were a hundred times that I thought about posting and calling out for support, but I just couldn't even write about it. It took me a good three days before I could leave the house without being shaky, and another week before I would stop just hystically bursting into tears. I'm good now - finally have decided that I can't and won't let the action of others change me or my life - but it took awhile.

Good Life Changes
Thankfully, there's been good life changes as well. We moved into our new building during my vacation, so it was really nice to come back and go to a brand new office. Seriously, the new offices are gorgeous, and really have helped boost my mood, which was sorely needed in the wake of the assault. Now we have nice cubes and conference rooms, a view, and sunshine! Its really great - I think most ppl are a lot happier here now.

The incident also goosed me to make some serious decisions about my life - mostly, with moving. Ironically, it pushed me to NOT go on a LOA for 4 weeks and move into my own place sooner rather than later. You would think that I might be afraid of living on my own; in fact, it made me realize that I just needed to get out of the south side of town (which I was having a difficult time letting go of), and move to a nice area.

So, as of June 10th, I'll be moving to the PacHeights district of SF, into a one bedroom with fireplace, dishwahser, the works! Its a great neighborhood - PLUS, they are building out a fitness center downstairs. So this should push me to get more active.

Of course, there's lots of other ways that I've changed. My perspective certainly has, and I don't mean that its been tinged with fear. I realized that I have a really good life - I mean, compared to some 14 year old from the projects, who gets so upset over salsa that she actually beats someone up. Five years from now, there's a good chance she'll be in jail, dead, or still living in poverty. I, on the other hand, have a great job, great friends - and basically, it made me appreciate what I have, and stop complaining/getting depressed about the little things!

Its pushed me to be more active. I don't want to be weak anymore - something that's been bugging me for awhile, so I'm happily moving forward.

And finally, I hit my threshold for drama - a lot of which, I realized, I allow myself to get wrapped up in. It only took me 30.5 years to finally get fed up with drama! But once it hit, I moved on it.

On My Way
So, I'm happily on my way with big changes - and that includes my health. Incidentally, I *finally* picked out the ultimate little black dress. To hell with elegant and classic, I want to be HOT!

rupesh's wedding: a thousand man affair

2007-05-05T13:49:00.000-07:00

I spent last weekend back east for my friend Rupesh's wedding. Rupe and I have been friends since sophomore year of college - for those of you who don't know, that translates to roughly about 11 years that we've known each other. It was also a fantastic opportunity to see a lot of my college friends that I've been horrid at keeping in touch with.

The Flight
Travel was, as always, a mini nightmare. I remember the days when I could zip back and forth between coasts for a weekend, without batting an eye. Now that I've been grounded for so long, I find flying to the East Coast more and more tedious. Especially when I have to get up at 5am California time to catch a 7am flight, and then end up not getting in to Harrisburg until 11:30pm due to a canceled connection. Hmmm... I guess I've always wanted to visit Minneapolis - or not.

My first priority once I landed was to find a dress. I managed to spill stuff on the dress that I brought, which didn't break my heart because I'd worn it for Ariel's wedding anyway :-( Thankfully, the hotel (free!) has wireless internet. Not so thankfully, Harrisburg's idea of a department store is JC Penny.

But seeing my friends - even if it was at 1am - for the first time in years did a lot to calm me down. I don't think I miss the East Coast that much, but I do miss my buds dearly. I don't know why I've been so awful about keeping in touch with them, except maybe because missing them kept me from finally settling down in San Francisco.

The Dress Hunt
The next day, Saturday, I woke up bright and not so early and headed for Starbucks. Lo and behold, there was a Ross right next door! Ok, Ross isn't exactly the height of fashion, but I can buy a dress to wear once without feeling guilty. Coffee in hand, I marched in, grabbed 5 dresses, 3 pairs of shoes and even a strapless bra, and headed back to the hotel.

As it turned out, I found a fantastic dress that fit me beautifully - for the bargain price of $16! On top of which, it matched my favorite black-and-white patent strappy heels perfectly, and the dress was so nice that I didn't even need to wear jewelry! Happy me!

The Wedding
After the flurry of morning activities, I was finally ready for the wedding. Its a traditional Indian wedding, the likes of which I'd never seen before! We started off heading over to the hotel at around 1:30. When we arrived, everyone in the groom's party was gathered around outside. They brought out a speaker blaring Indian techno-pop and a drummer, and we began our dance-march around the parking lot. There was even a white horse for Rupesh to ride! Unfortunately, as soon as he got on, the horse decided to bolt. The groom's party had to chase after him to get the horse back.

Nik and the horse

Rupesh, getting off after being taken for a ride

Dancing around the hotel parking lot

There were rumors amongst the college crew that there'd be 700 people in attendance. I didn't believe it - until I the throngs of people gathered around. It was amazingly impressive, and completely overwhelming. The sun blaring down on us for the 2 hour ceremony didn't help either - although it was nice when they brought out ice cream

Throngs - yes, throngs!

Bringing gifts to the bride

Indian ceremony (that's Rupe)

The groom's party, arriving at the wedding

Ice cream!

Exchanging vows

Delfina, Randy, Min, Josh, me and Terrence

A couple of hours later, we headed over to the reception in quite possibly the largest tent you've ever seen. Awed, Min whispered, "I think you could fit a three-ring circus in here!" She wasn't far off - the tent had French doors and exit signs, and was furnished with two large-screen TVs so that we could all see the ceremonies from our chair.

The most massive tent ever

Georgina and baby!

The college crew: Nik, Georgina, Ariel, me, Naysan, Min, Vishal, Vesal, Josh

Georgina, our resident MD, checking to see if N's foot was broken by the horse

Aparna, looking gorgeous in traditional garb

Newlyweds dancing

Asmita gets down to the bhangra

Ariel and his little baby

All in all, it was an amazing wedding. Congrats to Rupesh and Seema!

desperately needing detox

2007-04-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

And all of my well-intentioned plans to not only exercise more, but eat healthier, have gone by the wayside thanks to uber-PMS.

I won't list out what nastiness I injested over the course of this last weekend, but two words: pancetta hash. Considering I feel so grody that I'm actually wearing (nice) gym pants and a sports bra at work today (can't fit into my regular ones comfortably), AND that Rupe's wedding is on Friday, I desperately need a detox.

So: No meat, no cheese, no fried foods and no alcohol from now until Saturday.

And no update on the dress/weight until after that. I'll be at my parents next weekend anyhow, and I'm pretty sure that nothing electronic works in their house.

getting lean, checkpoint 1: the dress

2007-04-23T20:57:00.000-07:00

I've decided to do "checkpoints" instead of weeks, since I am abysmally bad at posting every week. I'm aiming for once every 2 weeks, at least.

I'm finally ready (and excited!) about my Getting Lean phase. Frankly, it helps not to think of it as "weight loss" anymore, and as gaining muscle instead.

Plus, my motivation arrived in the mail today, in the form of The Dress, and the fact that I hate the way I look in it. Maybe I'm not FAT, per se, but I don't like being quite so, er, curvy. So I'm stoked to start seeing the difference as I stick to a good, healthy diet and start working out.

And here it is... *drum roll please*

much, much better

2007-04-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who's been following my posts, and either commenting to me via blog or in person. Those of you who have seen me know that I'm much, much better now than I was at the beginning of the week. I think that letting myself be upset was the wisest thing that I ever did, because there was just so much pent up emotion that it literally took days to get it all out.

On the very bright side, things have progressed at a rapid clip, and are definitely changing for the better. Although I didn't make it to the gym after Pilates last week, I am much more motivated to get active again. Part of that has been letting go of my "diet" and just eating like a normal human being.

T and I have been more than civil - friendly even - and that has helped me feel comfortable again at home. Even if I am moving out, its always the worst when things are hostile or uncomfortable through the last days. Better than that, after seeing what seems like every 1 bedroom/studio in San Francisco, I think I've found the perfect place. *Cross fingers* that my application is accepted.

On the work front, I got a raise (whoo hoo!) and am finally settled in my job. No more one foot in the door, and the other out. We're moving offices, which will be nice, and I'm making plans to get promoted. I'm taking my career seriously.

Last but not least, strangely enough, the best piece of news that I got all week is that ex-Boy has started going on dates with this girl. Given that they are friends, there's a good likelihood that they'll get serious. My initial reaction was of course sort of jealous - definitely had a WTF moment - but frankly, I am relieved. No more ambiguity. No more maybes. We're still friends, its still not completely platonic, but as he said, the boundaries are much more clear cut.

The biggest difference, I think, is that I've finally just stopped comparing myself to other people - whether its a particular person, or a mythical "perfect" that I always fall short of. It helps quite a bit to just see myself as who I am, as opposed to seeing all the things that I'm just not. I definitely have lots of room for growth and improvement, but they are absolute goals measured against what I want, as opposed to relative goals measured against who others are or what I should be.

Finally - peace.

some perspective

2007-04-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

Well, in case it wasn't obvious, its been a tough week.

Its been 3 days since my emotional outpouring, and today, things finally normalized. No more urges to burst into tears, or sly fogs of depression sneaking up on me. No more being set off by really tiny little things.

The normalization was, in part, a conscious decision. Last night, after having three atrocious apartment hunting experiences (one no-show, one wrong advertisement, one disgusting place), I was feeling super-stressed and looking up everything from one end of the city to another. Then, I had a brief conversation with one roommate (the first since our group talk on Monday) and a phone call from Colin, and I realized that its not like I'm being kicked out - I'm not on a timetable, and I can wait for the right place. Not only that, but I was feeling truly disgusting and flabby from poor eating and not meeting any of my workout goals for the week. I decided then and there that I was going to go to Pilates tonight, and that this apartment hunting deal was NOT going to be the sole focus of my life.

Then I watched some tv, and it was all better :-) (PS - "Drive" is awesome!)

*~*~*~*
Even before the world righted itself today, I'd gained some perspective on the whole my-life-needs-to-change-BLEH! outburst.

Its often said that there are three major areas where a status change can affect your whole life - love, housing, and work. It occured to me that there's really about 7 major things that concern everyone, and can cause massive stress:

Self
Health
Money
Love
Housing
Work
Friends

On Monday, I said that 4 of these things have really been bugging me for some time, and it was time to unearth them: body (self + health), love and housing. Yeah, things are going wrong, but I realized the next morning that I was saving the most difficult challenges for last. Because, despite how sucky the last year and a half has been in these 7 major life areas, I've made tremendous changes tackling them. My life and my comfort in it is completely different than it was a year ago. Just think...

Health: I've lost 20 lbs, and KNOW that I can do it if I ever gain it back. In addition, not only have I been diligently monitoring the big obvious health issues, but I'm getting a hearing aid - a major life change for me! - and took care of some things I've been meaning to do for years, like dental work.
Money: I've paid off almost all of my debt and have money left over to enjoy life without guilt. My credit is still far from stellar, but is on the repair for sure.
Work: Some of my best friends are at work, and I finally see my job like my family: its definitely got its idiosynchrasies, but those are what are the best and worst things about it. Plus, I finally believe that I'm pretty damn good at what I do, and other ppl see it too.
Friends: I have some pretty kick ass friends - *wave*

So I'm left with housing, love, and self. In reality, its not too bad - they are really the most difficult ones. On top of which, despite feeling like crud for the last week or so, the feeling is really residue from too much pent up upset. There's nothing for me to "fix", I know how to move forward. I just needed to finally mourn my losses enough so that I could truly leave it behind and move forward.

So. I'm ok. I'm not "bounced", I'm not going to be super-cheery, channel my energy into super-productive activities or indulge in self-destructive behavior. I'm learning to deal.

getting it off my chest

2007-04-16T22:59:00.001-07:00

I've been pretty frustrated/unhappy recently, and I think its finally coming out. One of the things I'm really bad about is actually acknowledging the things that are not going well in my life, b/c I always feel like its a reflection of what's wrong with me.

As a consequence, I've been on and off blue and stressed lately. Keeping it in has fed my depression and feeling of isolation - so, out it goes!

Housing. Situation: sucks. No one is happy, my roommate and I are no longer friends. I'm moving out, which makes me feel stressed and scared, but at least its a change. Everything is on the table about all of our frustrations. Its been so long that I've kept it bottled in, that I'm still emoting even after the conversation. I guess there's nothing wrong with feeling crappy, it needs to happen sometimes.
Boy. I've been on and off in this weird thing with this guy for months. I used to think that it was me, that I just wasn't good enough, but finally I think we've gotten to a point where I get what's going on. I've stopped trying to convince myself that we were just friends b/c I thought that's what I should do. Acknowledging where we really are has done wonders for our ability to relate. We're nothing right now - not really friends, and definitely not anything more - but at least I'm ready to move on and (gasp!) even start dating again.
Body. Wake up call - I've been trying to ignore it for months, but going to physcial therapy today, it really hit me: I'm fat. Not overweight, per se, but I'm yucky and flabby and weak. Its time to get active. Weight be damned, I want muscle!
Age. You guys do not know how much turning 30 has impacted my life. I was down all last year b/c of it, and I kept feeling like I should be farther along at this point. Well. I've just decided to re-age myself: I'm really 27 :-) Just saying that, even 1/2 jokingly, has made me feel tons less stressed.

Isn't it always the same 3 - 4 things in everyone's life? I have finally gotten to the point where I am accepting how things are, rather than how they should be, and that's a huge burden off my chest in itself.

Posting it so publicly forces me to deal with it. Another reason its here? I'm not happy. I don't want to act cheerful or happy when I'm not. Just let me be unhappy, ok? Life kind of sucks right now. I'll bounce. But I gotta do it on my own terms.

bid bash fun and beyond

2007-04-15T12:58:00.000-07:00

On Friday (the 13th, of course), we had our final BID Bash in our Sansome location. We'll be moving to a new building with greater BEA in early May. That, plus the fact that we released "Merced" in the morning, and that it was the last day of three of our longest employees, made for one insane party... much of which I don't remember.

It all started at 4pm, when the 3rd floor held its first-and-hopefully-last ever Box Race: conceived of and sponsored by our VP of Product Management. Basically, people climb into cardboard boxes on wheels that were really meant to trash boxes as we all start to pack up.

Carol climbs in

An action shot: Drew and David push Carol and Eno

And they're off! Rival teams of Kim, Sully, Randy and Matias race down the opposite hall

The winners

At about 4:30, we headed down to the BID Bash, which featured two kegs, lots of wine, massive burritos, and... Guitar Hero!

Christophe, showing his skillz

JohnG gives Joseph a tutorial

Noelle and I give Matias' head as a farewell rub

Some of then separated to forage for food. Rob, whose been having worse cravings than a pregnant woman in the final trimester, decided that he just needed MEAT. So Rob, Dustin, JohnG, and I met up with some people at Espetus, where I guzzled a lethal combination of chicken hearts and sangria.

Dustin tries out my vanilla flavored deodorant for dessert

When my stomach simply couldn't handle anymore dead animal, I scurried off in a cab and joined some other work people finishing up dinner and drinks at Myth. The rest... is a blur.

Carol, me and Jamie, doing something.

Somehow, feeling like a bat out of hell, I managed to crawl up on Saturday afternoon, and join JohnG, Heather, Virginia and Nathan at Wiggy's annual crawfish boil. I stayed far away from the beer, but did have some bugs and 'taters nonetheless.

A fresh batch!

Mmmm... potatoes.

Today, I just want to not move. I'm getting old... can't handle this much fun anymore :-)

"I'd better cover all my holes."

2007-04-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

Don't ask, its Rob.

ski bunny, 06-07 season

2007-04-02T13:53:00.000-07:00

I know I've been pretty MIA from the blogosphere recently. Its due to a combination of factors - being sick for a couple of weeks, work stress, emotional mess, and spending just about every weekend in Tahoe.

Now that ski season is essentially over, I'll hopefully at least have weekends to post. I have to say, skiing is my new passion. I was so sad to leave Kirkwood yesterday, as I knew that it would most likely be the last time I'd be there until next winter (unless we miraculously have a snow storm in April).

The 06-07 season in retrospect:
1. I'm never cheating on Kirkwood again. I LOVE that resort - every time I go, I have a blast, even when the snow isn't stellar.

2. Heavenly sucks. Poorly designed, unpleasant staff, stupid patrons. Ugh.

OK, not terribly insightful, but I've committed myself. Next season, I'm definitely getting an on-resort cabin and a season pass. Anyone interested?

surreal life

2007-03-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

I've been sick in a weird, exhausted kind of way for almost a week - there's something funky going around the office where we get hit and sleep for 48 hours straight right now. And in the brief snatches of hours that I *am* awake, things have been weirdly out of context - eg, offsite today rather than work, etc. As a consequence, everything feels totally surreal, especially the changes in my life that I've walked through rather half-asleep recently.

Logically, I know what did happen and what was a dream. But because I've been sleeping so much, my funky dreams feel as real to me as reality, and because I've been half-awake, real events feel as unreal to me as my dreams.

Regardless. The point is that things are changing, and without me forcing them or even in control. And I kind of like it.

men

2007-03-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

nathan: um, sorry, this is creeping me out: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2890044?refsid=117629&refcat=0%7e2376776%7e2378685%7e2380947%7e2380968&SourceID=1&SlotID=1&origin=coordinating

Oh Nathan, honey, little do you know of the tortures us women go through.

spring ap challenge, week 1: the click

2007-03-11T12:08:00.000-07:00

I'm terribly glad that gvmemoment is back on ExP, because she always manages to pinpoint a word or a phrase that ends up being the theme of my weight loss efforts. First time around, it was all about being fierce; this time, its "the click".

Anyone who's ever tried to either lose weight or maintain knows what "the click" is - its that point where why you're doing this not only makes sense, but feels right. I felt the click last year, right about this time, when I first started WW. And ever since I lost the 20 lbs, its been miserable, because I haven't cared to maintain the weight, lose more fat, work out, eat right, etc etc.

Which explains why my efforts the last 6 months ago have been so half-assed. I've been doing it because I feel like I should, or I am bloated or something, but not because it actually felt right. But this week, that click finally happened. And I am happy to say that I'm back on the wagon - getting to goal, getting to Lifetime, and getting back in shape.

Week 1 Stats:

Weight: 123 lbs
Body Fat: 24.7%
Total APs: 12
Chest: 33"
Waist: 28"
Hips: 35.5"

Week 2 Goals:

Points Target: 23.5
AP Target: 16
WW Meeting: Monday
Workout Schedule: AM Ellip on Mon and Wed, Trainer on Tues, Dance on Thurs, Tahoe on Sat

Plus I've got a plan for the rest of ski season, a new little black dress and a bikini on the way. Yay!

lent

2007-02-26T21:12:00.000-08:00

This year, Lent is about not only sacrifice, but commitment. To that end, I've listed both things I've giving up and committing to this year.

Giving Up:

Shopping (!!!) - yep, I'm serious. No more buying. Returns and planned exchanges (eg I know what size I need) will be ok, but I need to stop indulging in my gluttony.
Red meat
More than 2 drinks per sitting. This is the end of binge drinking for me
Fried foods

Commiting to:

Getting to/maintaining goal, via WW. We're going to start meetings again - yay!
Working out 4x a week

So far, I've failed miserably at everything - including not going to Mass on Ash Wednesday, eating meat on Friday, and shopping. But its not because I'm not committed to God, its because its a very hard thing that I'm doing this year!

As Fr. Paul says, "Lent is about going into the desert to find yourself." That is actually quite important enough for me to observe all of my commitments, even if I haven't done a great job for the last week. But tomorrow, March 1st, that ends!

best bug ever

2007-02-16T21:09:00.000-08:00

Found on Firefox the other day (you'll have to click on the image to get the full effect).

And no, I didn't find this online. It happened on my machine!

ski trip 07: bunny slopes & other disasters

2007-02-12T20:48:00.000-08:00

Alas! After weeks of planning, emailing, Excel-spreadsheeting, and color-coding, the weekend of the big BID Ski Trip '07 finally arrived.

The Haul North
At around 2pm Friday, Rob, Heather, Stan, Andy and I piled into Rob's Volvo SUV, and headed off to Tahoe. We were to meet 15 other people - mostly work friends - spread across 2 cabins. Basecamp, where the majority of us were, was located a mere 2 mins walk from the lifts of Heavenly. A smaller group - the non-native English speakers - stayed at Nikita's condo in Tahoe Keys.

I was excited. Even a week ago, we were saying how it might not even snow this weekend, since it'd been clear and cloudless for weeks. Then, on Wednesday, the deluge came. Rain in SF, snow in Tahoe. It looked like there would be more than just ice on the ground for my first time skiing.

Friday was grueling. Although there was plenty of fun to be had in the car on the way up, it took us a full 8 hours to actually get up to Basecamp. Of course, this being me, Rob and Heather, there was shopping and sit-down dinner on the way up. And it did take Stan, Rob and Andy a while to get the chains on to the car (for the full 10 mins that we needed them - !!!). Nevertheless, it was a bit sad that Don and Elliott left at 6, and got there within 30 mins of us.

"It takes me less time to fly to New York," I complained to Deepali and William as we finally settled in. And then promptly passed out in front of the wood oven stove.

The boys try to figure out chains

The retarded car in front of us

Mmmmmm... butter

The Bunny Slopes
We got a bit of a late start on Sat am, which annoyed Tahoe junkies Scott and Don to no end. This was mostly due to disorganization - no one thought about where we would actually go - Kirkwood or Heavenly - on Saturday. Nonetheless, by about noon, Dustin, Scott, Heather and I made it to Kirkwood. Philippe et al theoretically were there as well, but it was really hard to meet up with them in the zoo. The rest of the group checked out Heavenly, since it was so dern close to Basecamp.

As many people know, I was really apprehensive about skiing. I'm not a sporty person, nor one for extreme speeds, so I didn't know how much I'd like it or if I could even do it. But about 10 mins into the lesson, I was itching to get moving. Yes, it was nice to practice making the wedge. And I'm really glad I finally learned how to stop properly - something I never mastered the one and only other time I went when I was 11.

After about 30 mins of sliding into each other, the first half of the class hit the Bunny Slope. Literally named the "Bunny" Slope. That in and of itself was enough to earn me Kirkwood's loyalty for the rest of my life. So I took a ski lift for the first time, with my eyes completely closed and holding on to my instructor for dear life, and then slowly crawled down the hill.

Me and Heather on Bunny

I managed 1 run with the class before I ran for cover. It was wet, wet snow, and by 4, my down jacket was soaked through! Bleh! Not only that, I realized that my gloves were not waterproof. But I figured that staying indoors wasn't going to dry me up - in fact, I was melting more - so I met up with Heather and headed back out to Bunny. So far, skiing = good.

That night, we decided to cook up a pot of Japanese chicken curry and brown rice for dinner, and then the festivities began. There was beer. There was Jenga. And there was Nikita, looking, er, celebratory, in his lounging outfit.

And then the trouble begins...
Sunday am, we headed off to Kirkwood bright and early. The whole group was going this time, and Don and Scott made sure we were all up and ready to go by 9:30. Unfortunately, so was everyone else in South Lake, as we were stuck in traffic trying to get into the parking lot for a good hour. So ironically, we ended up arriving around noon again.

But things moved much quicker this time. I took the shuttle over to the Bunny Slope, got my gear, and headed up. I finally conquered my paralyzing fear of the chair lifts, so I went up the same slope as the day before about 5 times before trying some of the other Bunny-related runs. Within an hour, I felt comfortable enough to ski on non-familiar terrain, to stop without crashing into people, and to actually enjoy going fast, so I headed over to the main Village, where the big people were playing.

I had a really good time skiing down Snowkirk, another green circle (but more difficult) slope - enough that it made me bold. High on adrenaline, itching to get a final run in before leaving for the weekend, I hopped on to The Reut, which is basically a double black diamond mountain with a blue trail down.

At about 4:45 pm, I started frantically calling everyone I could.

"Where are you?" asked Rob.
"Stuck on top of a mountain!" I screamed.

Yes, people - I got stuck. The ski that I had on wasn't calibrated properly, and it came off as I trudged over to the blue run. By the time some guy helped me get it back on, everyone that had come up with me (we were some of the last people on) were way gone. I tried skiing, but the powder was so soft that I couldn't turn. I totally wiped out - to the point that even when I had fallen, my skis would keep going. I was dragged down the mountain in probably every unattractive position available.

So I gave up. I sat on my skis, dug my elbows in to the snow, and started sliding my way down on my ass. I already had snow in my underwear, snow down my pants, snow up my shirt, and snow in my bra at this point. What did I have to lose?

Luckily, the patrol came by the time I crawled halfway down the mountain, and rescued me in a snowmobile. "We're here for people like you," my friendly hero said. "We make sure that no one gets stuck here overnight."

I almost made it through the weekend without some snow-related disaster. All I can say is, thank god for snowmobiles, snow patrol, and lots of Bailey's.

Drying my underwear in front of the fireplace

But I love skiing. I haven't been this excited about anything since I started dancing. So, as soon as my black and blueness heals, I'll be headed up to Tahoe. Anyone game?

Full set of pictures here.

serena's goals of the day

2007-02-09T13:22:00.001-08:00

practice patience
remember that not everyone is as anal and organized as i am
do not kill anyone
do not yell at anyone
do not inflict violence on anyone
and smile

And we're off to Tahoe!

deja vu, encore.

2007-02-07T20:33:00.000-08:00

I had an eerie sense of deja vu today when I got off the bus, and realized that I couldn't start my car. Of course, by the time I got to my car, it was pouring rain - whereas it'd been clear all week, and only sprinkling most of the day.

It hit me while I sat in my car, in the rain, waiting for rescue.

Luckily, Thuy and John were home, and John came and jumped me - again, in the pouring rain.

I was so annoyed that I caved to an urge for tomato soup and a grilled cheese-and-bologna sandwich. Now I'm 7 points in the hole, despite working out at 8am.

I am also in massive pain - again, deja vu - after I got my teeth drilled. I went in today to replace the temporary crowns put in in Dec with the real ones, and now that the novacaine is wearing off, I am not happy. Thankfully, I still have my stash of vicodin from the first time around, although its taking an awfully long time to kick in. Even though I was complaining about feeling like Mary Jo Buttafuoco before, I wish I was still numb and drooling.

that cute snowbunny outfit? not so cute

2007-02-05T20:51:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I'd better frakkin' LOVE snowboarding, considering I just dropped ~$300 on clothes for the ski trip this weekend - clothes I may potentially only wear once!

And its not even all that cute/matchy! The pants are ok - actually, they are kind of cool - but the "base" shirt? I managed to find one solid white one, but the other one in black has some sort of ugly stripey things going down the front. There was a super cute fleece vest, but of course they didn't have my size, and I could only find small gloves in black. On top of which, the hat is a shade off from the fleece, and I'm not even convinced I want a hat.

I mean, its one thing to blow oodles of cash at Nordy's for a pair of shoes I'll only wear once, but Sports Basement?!? At this point, I plan on going to Tahoe every friggin' weekend to get the value out of my purchase! If it wasn't for the fact that I once got deathly ill from wearing inappropriate clothes skiing (falling on snow, melting), I would just wear my gym clothes and call it a day.

Grrrrr.

bunnyBlog 2.0

Glee 1.9: Wheels

Glee 1.7: Throwdown

glee 1.6: vitamin d

glee 1.5: the rhodes not taken

glee 1.4: preggers

glee 1.3: acafellas

spotted! spy daddy on "glee"!

spotted! mark kanemura in vma's "paparazzi"

spotted! alex skarsgard, "paparazzi" video

sytycd top 18 reviews

twittering in real time

pumpkin pop #2

pumpkin pop #1

why i should be vice president

lil' p

ah, the magic of rob

palin v. couric, redux

how oracle attracts customers to oracle world

pumpkin perusals

... and the pics from the last 2 months

c-c-c-changes

out with the old, in with the... nothing?

a busy (and meaty) 4th

daily horoscope for virgo | july 5, 2008

****aaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!****

have edd, or just plain b*tchy?

getting back into the groove

shockingly poor quality

on a roll!

finally

diving right back in

the taiwan twins

netflix for books

what's YOURS telling you?

peep show

upside-down doggie

kappa good

god bless mao

ahh... the memories

btw, some fresh pumpkin...

the irony of pumpkin

pet travel is a nightmare

hi, from pumpkin

my friends make me happy

countdown to pumpkin

i can't help it - i'm in love

the baby! the baby!

Halloween

blerg. sick. pop tarts.

delaying motherhood

will i be a mommy soon?

and the spillage begins again

how i *finally* feel

the day after

the hardest thing i've ever done

its britney, bitch.

tanpopo!

mmm... pork chops

apologies to my ex-roommates

why i've missed rob

that seriously, er, sucks.

my newest obsession...

freaking awesome!

mommy in the news

week 2: indecision

another reason to stay single

hello kitty enforces the law

week 1: starting with optimism

the new love of my life

lunch today

and so it ends: "deathly hallows" review

most awesome (and insidious) thing ever

johnc made my snoopy poopy!

fun with office supplies

chinese people are weird

the bunnypad

ms. taliaferro visits

stan comes out of the closet

and so it begins... again.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!

how i finally feel